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I am feeling especially saucy today....


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
June 18th, 2009, 11:14 AM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Okay, so I have to say this. After replying to the thread about epi.'s, I really want to bring something else to light that really irritates the crap out of me. I truly believe that PPD is made worse by the people who try to make others feel guilty about breastfeeding. What I would like to say to those people is this: "It's not nice, it's none of your business, and frankly STEP OFF!!!" I had someone make me feel terrible because I chose to......... (OMG brace yourselves everyone!) pump rather than make myself and my baby miserable.
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  #2  
June 18th, 2009, 11:45 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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WHAT!?!?!?! I don't see a problem with mom's pumping, nursing is not for everyone, what would people care what you do? It's not their child is yours. As same as if you bottle feed instead of breastfeed, give me a break! Some people just have to get into your business even if you have not asked their opinion, or care about their opinion.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
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  #3  
June 18th, 2009, 12:32 PM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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THANK YOU! I think I might be PMS'ing, so I might be a little on edge, but am I the only one who thinks that maybe all this BF'ing pressure makes for mommies feeling guilty when they shouldn't?
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  #4  
June 18th, 2009, 12:39 PM
klt klt is offline
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I'm a bottle feeder... I tried bf with Joey and after three infections, Joey losing weight, and my food allergies causing concern for me (as to whether he was getting what he needed) I quit. And, yep, people made me feel bad. Not everyone, just some. I think choosing what type of feeding is best for your child is a personal decision and I don't like any of the guilt associated with my decision. It's MY decision. I'm hormonal. Stand back. (Ooooo...I think I'm saucy today too, Victoria!) Don't get me wrong. BF is right for many...just not all.
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  #5  
June 18th, 2009, 12:46 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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As an exclusive breastfeeder, I feel the need to apologize that people made you feel that way.

Why should people care how you feed your baby? The important part is that you are feeding your baby! How you, your personality, and your circumstances make it best for you to do that is no business of mine.

My mother got that a lot. She only ever got milk with my oldest brother, but could never get it to let down. She pumped until her nipples bled...never any milk. Needless to say, we were all given formula, and I've always been very healthy (and my two youngest siblings are the smartest people I know).

What's "best" is not black and white. Nursing when it makes the mother miserable and unhappy while she's feeding her baby is NOT better than a happy mother giving her baby formula.

So don't feel guilty, because you made the decision that is best for you and your baby in your circumstances.

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  #6  
June 18th, 2009, 01:04 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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I'm sorry someone made you feel like you have to defend how you are choosing to feed your baby - it's totally none of their business and i hope you told them off!

I want to BF and i'm planning on doing so, but I've had a couple of friends who had serious issues that ultimately prevented from BFing (and they were really upset about it, and got lots of grief from others when they couldn't)...so if it doesn't work for me, i won't hesitate to pump or even go to formula if that's what's necessary to feed my baby.
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  #7  
June 18th, 2009, 01:34 PM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have to say this.....A friend of dh had a baby, we went to visit them. I was talking to the wife, the mother of the baby and we were talking about BF, she doesn't bf, I asked her why and she says that it was hard, so she didn't want to do it. At first I thought, WOW, how lazy can you be, you tried you fail to try again, but them I realize that it's her choice not mine. I never said anything to her because it's not my place to say anything.
Either way, as long as the baby is feed and gaining weight and doing fine, it's no one business but yours.
I think BF is hard, and it's not for everyone, I hope that I can still do it for a long time, but if I don't I hope I don't have people judging me for me.
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  #8  
June 18th, 2009, 01:47 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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You know, Patty, sometimes it makes me a little sad when I hear that. Like, a lot of people go in thinking it's going to be really easy. And sometimes it IS. But, I can't help but wonder if some girls who decide that might try again if they knew it wasn't going to be a breeze right at first...

But like you said, not my place to decide. They're feeding their babies.
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  #9  
June 18th, 2009, 02:03 PM
klt klt is offline
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I hope no one thinks I'm offended. I'm not offended at all I think bf is great...just not for everyone! I had a friend who tried soooo hard to bf twins. She was exhausted and she just didn't have enough milk to provide for both. I told her that every PG is different. Every baby is different. And, every mom is different. That's what makes life so awesome!
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  #10  
June 18th, 2009, 02:18 PM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The important thing is that your baby is healthy, how you feed him in my opinion is just secondary, it's s personal choice, BF is not made for everyone as same as pumping is also not made for everyone (I'm including myself).
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  #11  
June 18th, 2009, 03:04 PM
NeeshBoogie's Avatar Super Mommy
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Honestly, I agree that the guilt probably contributes to PPD, but I also think if there wasn't so much pressure and judgement, more women might feel better about trying again.

I think it's terribly rude and disrespectful, however, for someone to impose their idea of what is "right" onto a mother. Like, this is my child! Please don't try to tell me, his mom, what's "right" for him. That's not too saucy. That's you standing up for your baby!
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  #12  
June 18th, 2009, 04:00 PM
IAMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree that it is every mom's choice, and no one should make you feel bad, or inadequate for not bf. I happen to LOVE bf even though it is hard sometimes, but I think for some ppl it is an easier task than it is for others. for instance - My sisters nipples bled when bf while mine barely get sore.

The most important thing is that your baby is fed, and is healthly gaining weight, and is loved - if you have that down - everyone else should back off unless they have something positive to say!

Hugs!
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  #13  
June 18th, 2009, 04:33 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IAMommy View Post
I agree that it is every mom's choice, and no one should make you feel bad, or inadequate for not bf. I happen to LOVE bf even though it is hard sometimes, but I think for some ppl it is an easier task than it is for others. for instance - My sisters nipples bled when bf while mine barely get sore.
I'm one of those. I've got a blister...again...and I'm trying to figure out what's causing it. Erin did the same thing though, so I'm thinking it's not a latch issue it's a me issue. One of the things I really enjoyed when I switched to formula with Erin....not worrying about it hurting me.

I got some grief after switching Erin to formula at 6 months. My MIL kind of made a comment (as I was in the process of switching her while we were there for Christmas), until I took her into the other room, took off my bra and showed her. So yeah, I've seen both sides. It breaks my heart the idea of switching Patrick but I might be headed that direction......
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  #14  
June 19th, 2009, 07:13 AM
~Angela~'s Avatar Mommy to 3
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With my first I tried for about 2 weeks, DS lost weight, was dehydrated and the Dr. said he was the laziest baby they had ever seen, they suggested that I switch to formula for his health. With my second, I had the same issue, but tried supplementing, I was able to BF him 80% of the time and supplement 20%, until I went back to work at 3 months. Pumping is not the same, and no matter how ofter I pumped and tried to nurse him at night my milk was gone totally by 5 months. Formula is fine, in fact, I have to say it made my first experience with motherhood much more enjoyable, because I was not stressing about BF....my son is now 12 and has been on high honor roll every quarter this year

I have to be honest, with this baby I'll have to really try and BF again, more due to financial constraints than anything else.
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  #15  
June 19th, 2009, 07:41 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Angela~ View Post
I'll have to really try and BF again, more due to financial constraints than anything else.
Yeah, that's one of the main reasons that drives me. Can't beat free. Is that bad of me? The main reason I BF isn't because of all the things the Lactivists spout (health benefits and emotional bonding, blahblahblah), nope, because it's free.
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  #16  
June 19th, 2009, 08:08 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Brittanie, have you tried a nipple shield? I still use it and I love it.
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  #17  
June 19th, 2009, 09:08 AM
Sabina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I tried for THREE months with Benjamin - bfing, then pumping, then ffing. When did I sleep or eat you ask? Never. I will NOT do that again this time. It was hell and the only reason I did it was because I felt like I had to or I would be considered a bad mother. If I can't bf this baby I REFUSE to feel guitly about it, even for a second. I am a good mother - whether or not I bf my baby! If trying to bf is consuming you and stopping you from enjoying your baby then it's not helping anyone.
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  #18  
June 19th, 2009, 09:10 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
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I have strictly formula fed. I have never felt bad about this or regretted it. I don't listen to other people who don't know how to keep their mouths shut. My kids are healthy, happy, and well taken care of. It is my choice and my kids.
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  #19  
June 19th, 2009, 10:07 AM
kalis's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i am still breastfeeding, but feel very lucky to be able to be doing so. the fact that i work from home and am always with Thea has helped, i think.
and breastfeeding was pretty hard at first - Thea spit up blood once b/c one of my nipples was basically a scab. eventually it got better. i had an inverted nipple that got better after i weaned her off the sheild, we only used it for a couple of weeks. and i know that the difficulties i had were normal - many mother's have much bigger problems.
my sister had her son ten days after i had The. he was a lazy eater and had jaundice pretty bad, which contributed to the laziness with nursing. he lost a lot of weight. Carrie tried for a few months to pump and then bottle feed. she felt so guilty and stressed. she finally had to stop pumping b/c she wasn't ever making enough milk and she would feed jayce and then pump and felt that she was devoting so much time to that that she wasn't able to enjoy her son the way she should. i was so impressed that she tried so hard for so long. and i felt horrible that she felt such guilt when she switched to formula.
she didn't have anybody making her feel guilty, thank god - but i would have been so mad if they had. jayce is helthy and happy and now his mommy is too. i think that is one of the most important things.
mommies put enough pressure on themselves without others adding their two cents!
you have every right to feel saucy about that and i hope you can try to ignore comments that people have no right to make! you know what is best b/c YOU are the Mommy!
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  #20  
June 19th, 2009, 10:40 AM
victorialv's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, I am glad I said something. I never really hear the other side of the coin, and it is so refreshing to hear a differing opinion. Not everyone is going to agree obviously, but it just seems like if you don't jump on board with all the BF advocates, you're a bad mom. That is just plain wrong to me.
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