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How long did you wait after your loss?


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 4th, 2006, 07:33 PM
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Hello, I'm just wondering how long everyone waited to start TTC after their m/c. And also how long did it take you to actually become pregnant. I had a natural miscarriage a week ago at 6 weeks. I feel great physically and emotionally and we have already begun BDing without protection. My Dr. said we should wait two cycles but we just don't want to. Are we being really stupid????
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  #2  
March 4th, 2006, 08:16 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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No - it's not stupid, but do be aware it does carry a slightly increased risk of mc. I waited 3 cycles the first mc & then after the second mc I went in for testing. They did eventually find a cause, although the only treatment for our issue is IVF with PGD - which is wayyyyyy out of our financial means. We got pg this last month & I mc'd in August. It wasn't planned, but because of testing, charting (for the Dr to see my cycles), etc, I could not go on the pill. It was 5 months - 5 cycles - since last mc until I was pg again - it was exactly the same length of time between the first & 2nd. We bd'd unprotected at a time I thought should be a safe zone...oops. So now I am a mix of emotions - since we learned the cause of the mc's the day before I got a BFP....and now I know my risks are quite high.

You have to do what is right for you. No one can tell what you should be doing. I for one (after having been through 2 mc's) think that the "waiting" time is good for your heart to heal & for you to start feeling more level emotionally. I did have that 2nd mc & if it had happened on the heals of the 1st mc - I'm not sure how I would have coped or gotten through it. Waiting those 3 cycles gave me time to be stronger for the 2nd pg.

When we did TTC - it took me 2 cycles. The first was an unplanned but wanted pg & so is this one - so those we never really ttc'd for.


edited to add:
How I felt a week after my loss was farrrrr different than after it all actually sank in. After the initial shock wore off I was angry, and sad, and lost, etc. Your loss is so recent. Please do try to be tender with your heart & acknowledge the pain of loss. Sometimes ttc right away can be a type denial of wanting to be pg again right away to try & stave off the pain of dealing with the issue of mc itself. I don't know that's your siutation - especially since I haven't seen very many posts from you - so I don't know you well enough to think anything about it either way. I just wanted to add it - because it was also my initial desire to ttc again right away - almost so that I could "continue being pg" and have it seem like nothing happened. My Ob had told me I should wait & so I did & looking back I really am glad for that. Sorry - I'm so long winded - didn't mean to be.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #3  
March 4th, 2006, 09:31 PM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Beck put things very well. I was desperate the start ttc right away even though my doc told me to wait 3 cycles before we tried again. I think we tried once or twice before DH saw that I was not mentally ready and also wanted to follow the doc's orders. He put a stop to it and we didn't try until December. I was very pissed off at him then, threw a tantrum and all, but later I realized he was right. I also found several articles online that showed an increased chance of miscarriage when pg was obtained soon after a miscarriage. I am not saying that you should not wait. I have seen women on this board get pg right after a miscarriage before AF came and carry it to term, but I have also seen the opposite. I am glad that we were on the safe side, if we had gotten pg right away and something did happen, I would've wondered if itwas because I hadn't waited. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.
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  #4  
March 5th, 2006, 05:19 AM
SpugsLady's Avatar Veteran
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My pregnancy is unplanned, but i'm pregnant after 6 months since my loss. The gyno told me to wait at least 1 cycle. But i wanted to wait until i was 18 but contraception failed so here i am again, so it only took 1 time to get pg.

I'm pretty sure they tell you to wait a few cycles before ttc again for a good reason too...!
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  #5  
March 5th, 2006, 05:49 AM
nmacjames's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Everyone has great points! But...

I am on the other end here. I concieved 1 cycle after m/c. M/c Nov.24 2005, concieved Jan. 2006. I hear what everyone is saying and it might be true about the risks of another m/c. I don't know. However, I put it in the hands of God. If He thought I was ready to be pg again, He'll let me know. He'll let my body know. God forbid something DOES go wrong with this pg, I will not wonder if it is because I didn't wait. I have a very strong faith in God and whatever happens is ment to be. NOTHING I do will change His plans for me. As far as my body itself, I truley believe if I wasn't ment to concieve, I won't have dropped that eggie. Eh, that is just my 2 cents!

Whatever you decide, good luck.
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  #6  
March 5th, 2006, 06:55 AM
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I think you will know. Everyone is different I had 3 m/c's 1st one was 09/00 and then I had one cycle and got preg. in 11/00 then in 07/01 had a healthy baby girl. Then in 09/05 had a m/c and had one cycle and got preg. in 11/05 and then had another m/c in 01/06 and have not had a cycle and am preg again. I think if you think you can handle it emotionaly. An you think your ready go for it. But if your emotionaly a reck which believe me I had my moments. Then you may want to wait. I just have been very blessed with a husband that has been right by my side. An no this last preg was not planned. I am really at peace with it tho. I have just been praying and it's not in my hands and I have decided I am not going to worry my self. For me it's always better to think positive and not worry about the things I have no control over. Other wise I would be a reck.

Best of luck
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  #7  
March 5th, 2006, 12:52 PM
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Quote:
I think you will know. Everyone is different I had 3 m/c's 1st one was 09/00 and then I had one cycle and got preg. in 11/00 then in 07/01 had a healthy baby girl. Then in 09/05 had a m/c and had one cycle and got preg. in 11/05 and then had another m/c in 01/06 and have not had a cycle and am preg again. I think if you think you can handle it emotionaly. An you think your ready go for it. But if your emotionaly a reck which believe me I had my moments. Then you may want to wait. I just have been very blessed with a husband that has been right by my side. An no this last preg was not planned. I am really at peace with it tho. I have just been praying and it's not in my hands and I have decided I am not going to worry my self. For me it's always better to think positive and not worry about the things I have no control over. Other wise I would be a reck.

Best of luck[/b]

Thank you all for your replies. I really do appreciate you're opinions. I think we are going to continue to just go ahead and BD and see what happens. I think everyone is different and everyone deals with their losses differently. We happen to be very positive people who are so extremely happy with our lives that it is really hard for us to feel defeated by this. We have been so blessed in our lives this loss to us is just a very minor setback. Yes we were saddened by our loss but dwelling on it will do no good for anyone. I do not in anyway mean to offend anyone I know how very awful a loss is and I do not mean to downplay any of yours. I am only talking about our loss and the way we see things and the way we deal with things. I do not want to get pregnant again to replace this pregnancy or to ignore that it happened. We just really want another child to add to our loving family. We also are strong belivers in the Lord and feel that he will give us a baby when the time is right. I feel like if my body is not ready to be pregnant than I won't get pregnant until I am ready. Again, thank you for your replies and advice and I wish you all the best of luck with your pregnancies.
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  #8  
March 5th, 2006, 01:52 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Do you mind if ask why you asked? It does seem to me that you already knew what you wanted to do - so why does it matter what anyone did & why?


Dh & I also are also very positive people & don't feel defeated by our losses in any way - I perhaps didn't word things correctly in order to explain it. There is a difference between grieving a loss & being defeated by it, and we certainly weren't dwelling on it. I know you didn't mean to offend - and I'm truly not offended - just more puzzled I guess. We took our wait time to be a time to reconnect with eachother & honor the life of the baby that was lost. I just need for you to understand that your wording suggests something very different than what I was trying to explain & also very different from what we experienced.
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #9  
March 5th, 2006, 02:48 PM
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Quote:
Do you mind if ask why you asked? It does seem to me that you already knew what you wanted to do - so why does it matter what anyone did & why?


Dh & I also are also very positive people & don't feel defeated by our losses in any way - I perhaps didn't word things correctly in order to explain it. There is a difference between grieving a loss & being defeated by it, and we certainly weren't dwelling on it. I know you didn't mean to offend - and I'm truly not offended - just more puzzled I guess. We took our wait time to be a time to reconnect with eachother & honor the life of the baby that was lost. I just need for you to understand that your wording suggests something very different than what I was trying to explain & also very different from what we experienced.[/b]
Beck, I'm sorry to puzzle you I really don't mean to. I guess I asked because I really want to see what others would do in my situation and what others have done in similar situations. I am really new to this, I have had one very perfect pregnancy that happened very easily and We only started TTC in Jan. getting pregnant on the first try. This was our m/c. So even though I guess in my heart I have made my decision I just wanted to hear what you all had to offer as far as advice, and your experiences. I did get the feeling from your reply that you felt I was not dealing with my loss or not giving myself enough time(not sure if you meant it that way). I just wanted to try to explain that I have dealt with it the way I deal with everything that life hands me. In a positive way always keeping in mind all that I have been so blessed with. I am greatful for your responses. I feel as if maybe we are having a hard time communicating what we really are trying to say. It's hard sometimes to get a point across when not speaking face to face. Thanks again for your replies and again I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy.

-Kelly
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  #10  
March 5th, 2006, 06:39 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Quote:
Do you mind if ask why you asked? It does seem to me that you already knew what you wanted to do - so why does it matter what anyone did & why?


Dh & I also are also very positive people & don't feel defeated by our losses in any way - I perhaps didn't word things correctly in order to explain it. There is a difference between grieving a loss & being defeated by it, and we certainly weren't dwelling on it. I know you didn't mean to offend - and I'm truly not offended - just more puzzled I guess. We took our wait time to be a time to reconnect with eachother & honor the life of the baby that was lost. I just need for you to understand that your wording suggests something very different than what I was trying to explain & also very different from what we experienced.[/b]
Beck, I'm sorry to puzzle you I really don't mean to. I guess I asked because I really want to see what others would do in my situation and what others have done in similar situations. I am really new to this, I have had one very perfect pregnancy that happened very easily and We only started TTC in Jan. getting pregnant on the first try. This was our m/c. So even though I guess in my heart I have made my decision I just wanted to hear what you all had to offer as far as advice, and your experiences. I did get the feeling from your reply that you felt I was not dealing with my loss or not giving myself enough time(not sure if you meant it that way). I just wanted to try to explain that I have dealt with it the way I deal with everything that life hands me. In a positive way always keeping in mind all that I have been so blessed with. I am greatful for your responses. I feel as if maybe we are having a hard time communicating what we really are trying to say. It's hard sometimes to get a point across when not speaking face to face. Thanks again for your replies and again I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy.

-Kelly
[/b]

I do think communicating on the pc at times makes it hard to be sure you are getting your ideas out there the way you mean to...I hate it for that - although I don't know how I'd get by anymore without the message boards.

I did ever intend for you to take anything I said as though you aren't dealing with your loss. I never had that spirit.... I have had loss - and I also spent quite a while "listening" to other ladies on the pregnancy loss board. It takes a while to really feel everything you are going to feel about a loss. I wasn't saying that you aren't dealing with it. Of course you are - it's still so new & we all have our own ways of coping. All I was trying to say is that very often the way you feel one day can differ from the way you feel tomorrow & in going through processing anything this is true. Now - I won't try to explain any frther as it most likely isn't coming out the way I want it to anyway - It's jsut a hard, hard thing to articulate. I mean absolutely no disrespect to you or your family - and I never intended to say nor imply that you weren't dealing with it - only to try to offer perspective from someone who has been there.

I wish you all the best as well!
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #11  
March 6th, 2006, 07:34 AM
anissa's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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With every loss I had I only waited one cycle. Even after my still birth I only watied one cycle. And one cycle later I was pregnant again after all my loses excpet one. It took two cycles.
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  #12  
March 6th, 2006, 02:03 PM
my_boys_are_my_joy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I didn't wait any cycles. I m/c in August at 9 weeks and got pregnant again in August. So far, so good. I'm 30 weeks and he's perfect!!!!
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  #13  
March 6th, 2006, 04:00 PM
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I didn't wait any cycles. I m/c in August at 9 weeks and got pregnant again in August. So far, so good. I'm 30 weeks and he's perfect!!!![/b]

Thanks again everyone for your replies!!! Crystal, WOW that is amazing!!! I really hope this happens for us too we are so ready to be pregnant . Beck thanks again for your replies!! No hard feelings at all. I get what you're saying. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!!
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  #14  
March 10th, 2006, 01:14 AM
nlp32's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We didn't wait either and after 3 months we were pregnant again. I was so scared that we would lose him too, but I've had 3 healthy pregnancies since then. Good luck, I know how hard it is to lose a baby, no matter how far along you were.
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