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Criticism from other women....


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 17th, 2006, 07:41 AM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok, I understand that natural birth is all the rage, but why is there such a negative attitude toward c-sections? Why, when people find out I had one are they like "did you do this? did you try that? why did they DO that to you?" It really pisses me off. First of all, what business is it of YOURS what I do with MY body or haw I have MY baby? I swear , people really just have to have a cause sometimes... they make it seem like you are somehow weak or a bad mother if you dare have a ceasarian. Like you couldn't 'take' the pain of childbirth so you have no right to call yourself a mother....

I just don't understand the arguments against it. I've heard them all, and I just don't agree. C-sections may be overused (which I still don't believe) but they can also be life-saving procedures. As far as I'm concerned, the birth experience is not about me..... at all. It's about MY BABY and getting MY BABY into the world as safely as possible. I was cut open so that my son could possibly be saved. Had the doctors even FATHOMED what the outcome would be, or had he died in utero, they would not have c-sectioned me. That is a fact.... I think the so-called 'elective' c-sections are probably a personal decision which the deciding factors are not improtant really. Doctors will NOT deliver a baby before a certain date, so why do folks make it seem like c-sections put the baby at so much risk? If you ask me "baby in distress" seems MUCH riskier.

I hate to rant, but to me people just don't need to know why I chose what I chose. At this point, VBAC is not nor will it ever be an option for me, and I don't feel that I should have to LAUNCH into a 30 minute explanation every time I mention it b/c SOMEONE is questioning my abilities and my choices. It's not even a choice for me at this point. It HAS to be done.... if I don't I could die or I could rupture and then what? Is it worth VBAC to me to risk life and limb and possibly baby in the process? Hell no....

In conclusion, I am starting to feel very defensive about this, and that sucks. I feel like once you have lost a baby, then you can judge me on how I decide to bring my baby into the world. Women need to stick together and not let something so unimportant (in the grand scheme, that is) divide us. There are other issues so much more pressing -child abuse/neglect for instance. How you bring your child into this world does not determine what kind of mother you will be, nor does it determine how your child will develop.

I'm just sick to death of having to defend this.... why can't folks just MYOB?
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  #2  
March 17th, 2006, 08:07 AM
koakoba's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh hun I am sorry. I agree with you - do whatever to get them here safe. I don't think people stop to consider that c-sections are for when there is "risk" and yes - that means sometimes they turn out to be that you didn't need it - but I have never met anyone with a crystal ball that can look into the future and see clearly what will or will not happen. I say if there is risk - however small - we should be willing to do whatever it takes to get the best possible outcome. Take a deep breath, sometimes people don't realize how close-minded they are. And most of the time it is because they have never been in a situation where they had to make the kinds of decisions you have had to make, so they have NO clue, and no leg to stand on to judge you.
I know it is easier said then done, but just try to ignore them!!
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  #3  
March 17th, 2006, 09:05 AM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
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I wish you didn't have to be botherd with all of that. It really is none of anbodies business and if I were you I wouldn't explain a ###### thing to anyone questioning you. When they aske "did they" blah blah I would just answer DER!!

But this what our goverment has turned society into, it must be natural, you must breast feed. You shouldn't ever smoke. Don't eat crabs. You should only weigh 120. Unfortunaely this is how everyone thinks. I am sorry about all the ignorant ppl you are going to have to learn to ignore in your life. It takes a long time...
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  #4  
March 17th, 2006, 09:24 AM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You would never ever hear that where I work. I was telling someone the other day, if there is even a hint of trouble, cut me open, take the kid out. I have seen too many babies that got stuck in the birth canal (causing brain damage) or get infections, that I would never hesitate to have a c-section. The only bad things I can think about them is that they baby doesn't get the squeezing that helps clear the fluid from the lungs and the longer recovery period for mom, and those dont seem like a big deal for me.

What makes me mad is that people are always talking about how childbirth needs to be like it used to be, natural etc. What they dont seem to remember is that women and infants used to die left and right in childbirth before c-sections came along and other medical improvements. I am not against people who want to give birth in water at hom without pain meds or a monitor, but I am quite against people telling other people how they should give birth etc.

Furthermore, pregnant women seem to become community property. If I have one more person tell me not to eat that, or that I should eat this, or not lift that, I really think my head would explode. Point of my post: I hear you
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  #5  
March 17th, 2006, 10:34 AM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sorry to jump in here but that crap gets me so angry. Why do people think it is ANY of their business the decisions YOU make for yourself and child. I planned (and had) a natural birth with no pain meds with my son but that plan was if everything stayed normal. In the end all I wanted was my baby and how he got here didn't matter one bit. I had people try to persuade me to rethink natural chilbirth saying I could never do it, etc. Well you better believe one day I just snapped and went off on my future mother in-law about it. She also kept questioning the safety of my son while I was pregnant saying numerous times "How do you KNOW the baby is ok? How do you know the cord isn't wrapped around his neck suffocating him?" ***!?! Now I'm going through this huge ordeal with my fiance's family and breastfeeding--his sister-in-law thinks it's disgusting and threw a fit because I was feeding him at her house (she expected me to bring formula for him for the day!). It never ends. People all seem to think they have a say in how you decide to have/raise your child! Ignorant @ssholes! Why do people think it is any of their business. I would not explain it to everyone when you're questioned. Your decisions are just that--YOUR DECISIONS--and no one has the right to question them or make you feel ashamed or like a bad person because of them. They should know you wouldn't do a thing to put your child in harms way and in fact you are doing just the opposite--you are taking the precautions now to make sure your child is fine! Good luck with your pregnancy and screw all the people that question you! You're going to do a great job!
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  #6  
March 17th, 2006, 10:43 AM
soontobemommyto3
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wow - I can't even imagine why anyone would care how you delivered your baby. People need a life! Personally I don't want a c-section because recovery is much quicker with a vaginal birth. You are up and walking within hours and eating normal food right after birth. But if I had any reason to need a c-section I'd be right there getting it. First sign of problems I'd be having it. In fact my son's birth was so painful and scary if they would have knocked me out with a general and taken him by c-section I would have done it in a second.

As for VBAC. Most doctors don't like to do them. The risks are too high. I have a number of friends who have had repeat c-sections and the healing time from the 2nd is much quicker. None of them wanted to risk a VBAC.

I still can't understand why people care. If anyone asked me I would say "I'm sorry, I don't see why this important to you?" and leave it at that.

And trust me, if it weren't for the quick recovery from a vaginal delivery, I don't see much point in them. It isn't like some wonderful bonding experience to have 1/2 the L&D ward peering in at your privates while you are probably pooping on the delivery table and don't know it. Not to meantion any old DR coming in and sticking their hand entirely up there to check you.
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  #7  
March 17th, 2006, 08:20 PM
gtsscott's Avatar Veteran
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I had both of my children naturally. If it came down to it, then I would have a c-sect if mine or the babies life was in distress.

I have a problem with the "too posh to push" thing - and how women with $$$ would rather have the c-section because of it fitting into their schedule or not wanting to risk the thought of sex not being the same after a Vaginal birth. (when we all know that is a load or crap)

I have Placenta Previa and if I need a c-section then so be it but I wouldn't have one just for "convenience" - that is the area where I think it is abused by too many.
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  #8  
March 18th, 2006, 05:30 AM
SpugsLady's Avatar Veteran
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Well tell them all to shut up, as long as your baby is fine and helthy...THEN WHATS THE PROBLEM?

It's not their body so why complain....tut!
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  #9  
March 18th, 2006, 06:25 AM
koakoba's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I still can't understand why people care. If anyone asked me I would say "I'm sorry, I don't see why this important to you?" and leave it at that.[/b]
I LOVE this response!!
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  #10  
March 18th, 2006, 07:36 AM
Blessings B's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am withthe majority. I have had 2 c's and will have another with this baby. I quite like them. I love knowing the date and planning ahead. What is the big deal and who gives a darn about the reason, to each his own and to be judgmental , in my opinion , should be left to G-d. . Blessings B
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  #11  
March 18th, 2006, 09:05 PM
sunshinemommie's Avatar Super Mommy
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I was up walking, eating and taking care of my son in about 4 hours after a c. I didn't find it at all that hard to recover from. this baby will be by c also. It is a choice my husband and I have made. I have had plenty of people say i should have a vbac, but that is just not for me, and it really isn't their business anyway. I also had a c with my dd 13 years ago. back than they had me stay in bed till the next morning. a lot has changed since then.
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  #12  
March 19th, 2006, 08:13 AM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I can honestly say my c-recovery was extremely painful, for a variety of reasons. For one, I was in treatment for opiate dependence and was taking Methadone, which blocks ALL opiate drugs, ie PAIN KILLERS. So if I had pain, the morphine went in my drip, and I was still in as much pain as ever..... also, a week post-op I began bleeding frommy incision site - MAJOR freak-out. I had developed dead space between my incision and my skin and old blood had pooled in the space. That had to come out, obviously, which meant Doc had to root around in there with a long q-tip, then after the blood was out he had to pack the holes with gauze . ... this had to be done 2 x a day until I was fully healed. My mother, who is a nurse, volunteered to do it for me. THAT was very painful.... it was painful for her too - I mean, she did this with patients all day every day, but her own daughter, after she had lost her first grandchild ... it was too much. Usually after it was over, we would just hold each other and cry...

Anyways, I wanted to thank each and every one of you for your comments and support. I realize c-section vs. natural birth is a touchy subject for many people, although I don't pretend to understand why... If I had it to do over again, if I KNEW this time that my son would eventually die, I would still do it. Why? Because that 1 precious day I had with him, alive, is the only time I will ever parent him outside of my womb. I needed that time. I wanted more, of course, but I am so thankful for the time I did have with him. I have heard the c-sections get easier, and now that I am almost done with Methadone treatment ( I will be completely done in about 1 more month!!!) I think I will heal quicker if I am able to move about more without so much pain.

I'm glad this didn't turn into a scathing debate, something I thought of AFTER the original post.... I appreciate the input from other c-section mommies, as well as moms who have been lambasted for their choice of natural birth. It's amazing how critical people are over something that really doesn't affect THEM at all. Everyone's prenancy is a unique experience to them, and likewise so is their birth experience. It's easy to 'play doctor' and such when you are removed from the situation. I wish people could understand this.

Again, thanks to you all...

R
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  #13  
March 19th, 2006, 03:49 PM
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I think its crazy, I can't stand when women especially have negative things to say about c-sections or any child birth method..it's like are you SERIOUS I am less of a woman because I want an epidural or c-section....

That is balogna big time, as long as the baby gets here safe and sound I could give a flying hoot about the 'method'

Whatever method works for mom and baby is perfectly fine with me... I have a kid I know the paind of vaginal birth and I know that for me an epidural is absoultely NECEAASRY and while I would want to avoid a c-section (I have never had any kind of surgery before and I hear the recovery is hell) I am not against having one or think less of anyone that has one..moms or women or men in general kill me with the attitude that anything less than a natural birth is like anti- "real woman"....I totally disagree...
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  #14  
March 20th, 2006, 07:13 AM
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I totally hear you. There is one woman in my neighborhood is very gung-ho natural birth, no pain meds, etc. That's fine for her and that's what I wanted when I was pg with my DD. Didn't happen that way- I had complications that resulted in a c/s to get my girl out. My neighbor is VERY judgemental about people's birth choices. Yes, I do feel like I have to defend my birth experience and I usually just say, I had complications and things were going downhill, etc. Now, that I can NOT have a vaginal birth due to an abnormal pelvis(discovered during the birth of my DD), it's a little different. The only one who doesn't seem to "get it" is my DH, of all people. He keeps telling me that "most women can have a natural birth after a c/s". My response, "yes, I know. I'm not one of those women". Grrrr!
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  #15  
March 20th, 2006, 09:04 AM
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hee hee natural my behind, I would not have a root canal without anesthesia and I for sure won't be birthing without it either...

I have an aunt who is oh-so-natural and had I think 2 of her kiddies naturally. I say more power to her. Congrats and great job, fighting through some intense pain is just not my bag of tricks, especially when there are safe ways to alievate that pain..It does not prove my love for my child or my woman hood one way or the other if I do not go without meds or choose to have a c/s.

Like another poster I love to point out that the times are not the dark ages anymore. Childbirth is alot safer for mom and baby these days...talk about dropping left and right, pregnancy was downright dangerous in olden times.

I especially feel bad for women who have complications who have to bear the wrath of having a c/s..me, I had no real complications with DD, and vaginal worked just fine but if I wanted a c/s then I would not care who had anything to say about it unless they were a certified medical professional overseeing my direct well being, everyone else can go fly a kite....

I may be in the minority but if your baby is full term and whatever circumstances arise where you may want to induce or have a c/s or schedule your child's birth I say go for it, after 37, 38 weeks or so having your baby delivered is just fine. And no sane doc would deliver a baby unless it was ready, or there were complications and I am sure we are all under the care of very competent medical professionals so who cares what the lady at the check out counter or aunt so and so or coworker a,b,c or D has to say? not me!

Childbirth is a personal experience! Everyone should do what floats their boat!
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  #16  
March 20th, 2006, 04:52 PM
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Why are we women so hard on each other when we're all trying to do the best thing in our own individual experience? Childbirth options, feeding options, SAHM/out of home work; heck I got all sorts of flack for returning to full time work when my son was 5 weeks old.

I wanted the totally natural birth for my son, but reality was 40 hours of labor, an epidural and a vaginal birth minutes before they were ready to wheel me in for a "C". In the end I didn't care as long as I had a healthy baby. Likewise, I struggled to breastfeed (ds latched fine, the problem was me). After 10 days of constant feedings, low milk production, bleeding nipples, I was a depressed crying heap. Not an enjoyable experience for a new mom! I switched to bottle and was so relieved, but needed to deal with the comments of everyone who thought I just didn't try hard enough.

Forget wishing for world peace, I wish all women would just support each other for their individual decisions!

MM
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  #17  
March 20th, 2006, 08:30 PM
ocmorrishome's Avatar Regular
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I am sorry your having to deal with people trying to tellyou how you should have your baby. After all your the one that is having the baby and your making the right choice for your baby.
I have had my first son c-section. An this was after 23 hours of labor. He end up with a fever and they had to take him c-section. Then my second child I had vbac and wished I had him c-section. They had to us forceps(sp?) and then I had to get 21 stitches in and out. It was so bad. Oh my gosh. Then when I had my daughter I went into labor and the Dr. stoped labor and did a c-section about 6 hours later. An my recovery time was allot quicker then my vbac. An yes for this preg. I am going to have a scheduled c-section.
An I know when I had my c-sections they do not knock you out. An your spouse/boyfriend can go in with you. My husband actual took some amazing pictures of my daughter when she was not all the way out of my tummy. I fyou plan on taking any pictures you need to check with your Dr. first.
Try not to let people like that get to you. You know what is best for you and your baby.

Good luck

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  #18  
March 20th, 2006, 11:27 PM
tiggers_best_buddy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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sorry to jump in here but I was told due to my back injury I needed a c-section to stop from becomeing paralyized and I got told I was taking the easy way out but I had him naturaly becasue he was coming out when I got to the hospital and it messed my back up worse
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  #19  
March 22nd, 2006, 09:29 AM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 653
Hmm..
Taking the easy way out huh, so just be paralized did you ask this person exaclty why going natural would be the only option. Some ppl are just really stupid. Thats all there is to say about remarks such as those.
Unfortunaley your back did get messed up more sorry, but thankfully your are not paralized.
How are they going to handle your other L&D I am sure c-section but you seem to move quickly.
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  #20  
March 22nd, 2006, 12:14 PM
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if you are popping out a kid, there IS no easy way out!!! i have my views but i'm always careful to not judge the way OTHER people feel about their birth experience and desires. there IS no way to win, you decide to go "natural"....people say...WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!...you take an asprin for a headache don't you....

you have to have a c-section and people act its some horrid act commited against nature.

I always keep my experiences to myself... and if I am asked, I always ask why they want to know...it doesn't matter how the kid came out, it matters that they are healthy and yours!!
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