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Where does the insensitivity end?


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 22nd, 2006, 02:58 PM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Everyone at work knows I'm pregnant. I'm starting to show and I'm getting the belly pats, which are annoying and often unwelcome, but I'm taking it in stride. I know they mean well and are happy for me. Well, a secretary asked me how far along I am and I told her 15 weeks. Then, she asked when my old due date was. This caught me off gaurd, but I told her April 15th. She then said "Well, I be April 15th wont be so terrible now that you're pg, huh?" and gave me a smile like we were best friends. I let this slide.

She then asked me about when I lost the baby, if I got a D&C. I said no, I was given cytotec. Her response was "So, it came out at home?" I nodded. "What did it look like?" It was like she asking me about some freak of nature. I was quiet for a long time and then said "You know, this still hurts me" and I walked away. I was proud of myself for not crying in front of her. I can not believe someone would ask me how my miscarried baby looked. That is beyond insensitivity and into cruelty.
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  #2  
March 22nd, 2006, 04:55 PM
soontobemommyto3
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That is just horrible! I can't believe someone did that to you. I'm so sorry.
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  #3  
March 22nd, 2006, 05:09 PM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That's BS. I can't believe someone even said that, like it was just some sort of 'science experiment' or something. You have a lot of restraint; I probably would have had to be removed from the premises by the police....
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  #4  
March 22nd, 2006, 08:07 PM
sunshinemommie's Avatar Super Mommy
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That is so uncalled for. I am so proud of you for saying that to her. I tend to be the kind of person who just smiles and walks away from nasty comments, but if someone said that to me I would freak. I am so happy to see you held your composure and said that. Good for you!!!
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  #5  
March 23rd, 2006, 05:00 AM
hopin4a4rth
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That is definitely uncalled for and really insensitive. Women who haven't been through a m/c don't understand the pain... even if we are pregnant again it still hurts that we lost little ones. TBH, my EDD of March 15th wasn't very easy even tho Erich is doing so well. It's still painful.

I think you handled it great & hopefully the lady will think twice before doing that to someone else.
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  #6  
March 23rd, 2006, 08:18 AM
JCat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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How horrible of her. *Grrr* some people's children
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  #7  
March 23rd, 2006, 11:13 AM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
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That person is a friggin idiot. I know they exist (sp?) but really why, why are their morons.
I am getting better at being blut, I would have asked them what was wrong with them. Seriously.
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  #8  
March 23rd, 2006, 11:53 AM
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wow, that IS insensitive. it is just people who have never experienced a loss like that so they have NO idea how much something like that hurts. whew. I would have walked away too and your comment was perfect. I bet (hope) she felt like a heal!! oops I meant heel!!
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  #9  
March 23rd, 2006, 04:54 PM
Nancy
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Some people just dont think. But that is no excuse. Way to go on how you dealt with it.
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  #10  
March 23rd, 2006, 05:02 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so glad you said something to her. A lot of people really don't understand how their comments and questions come across-and I feel really badly that you had to go through that.
Marie
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  #11  
March 24th, 2006, 10:58 PM
Blessings B's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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OHHHH Renee, that makes me loose my breathe. I am so sorry , but gosh you handled it better than I would have. I just want to send you a big hug. Blessings B
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  #12  
March 25th, 2006, 03:56 AM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies. She has since apologized akwardly for saying those things, her exact words were "if I offended you", but it's better than nothing I guess.
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  #13  
March 25th, 2006, 12:57 PM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
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Yeah at least she is an idiot with a cons....... (i don't know how to spell the next word, i'm an idiot lol)
Yes I am glad you got an apologie, at least she knows she is out of line and next time she will think before she speaks.
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  #14  
March 26th, 2006, 08:00 AM
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wow...yea that was insensitive....people just don't think I guess....I don't think she ment any real malice, just didn't know any better I guess...You handled it like a champ.

It is something else that people don't think pas due dates or m/c hurt just because we are pregnant again like the memory of baby #1 or 2 is somehow nullified...

Maybe steer clear of that lady, I can't imagine what else inappropriate she has to say as the pregnancy goes on...
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  #15  
March 27th, 2006, 06:19 AM
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I have had three loses and I really don't think she was trying to be mean or rude. Some people are just curious but ask questions in the wrong way. Next time just tell her or anybody else asking the questions you don't feel like talking about it.
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  #16  
March 28th, 2006, 01:43 PM
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if she offended you... what.... wouldn't you have to be a moron to NOT know she offended you. maybe it was just something to say ... I dunno, i guess she could have blurted it out w/o thinking. really, most people do not understand losses. I've had people who have even HAD a m/c and still act kind of calous sp? with people who've had m/c. I've heard them talking at work about this lady who had several miscarriages and how she just needs to get over it. and this lady HAD a miscarriage. it goes back to an article I read about women being hard on each other. i would much rather err on the side of sensitivity!!!
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  #17  
March 28th, 2006, 04:48 PM
*~Candy~*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have learned that people pretty much are idiots and don't care how rude they are when they say things like that. I am so sorry!
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  #18  
April 3rd, 2006, 07:54 AM
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Sheesh, I can't believe some people! This was your CHILD, not some kidney stone you passed!

I too think of my baby due in May that I lost. It's not like a new pregnancy ever wipes that out of your mind.

MM
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  #19  
April 3rd, 2006, 10:30 AM
appifanie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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what a horrible, stupid thing to say!
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  #20  
April 3rd, 2006, 08:46 PM
Destany's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm really new here but I just wanted to say BRAVO for how you handled that! I would have been lost for words. I've had three mc, two in the last year. Thankfully no one has been rude enough to say anything so calliced. Good for you!
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