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Having trouble getting into my DDC still


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 28th, 2006, 10:41 AM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,923
I wish I wasn't this way, but I just can't get into my DDC. I visit everyday, though it's usually my last stop. The posts all seem to be about the same things over and over. Sometimes I see topics that I would like to post on, but then I think, well would they even know who I was if I posted here. I dont think I've posted in a month there. It may be beacuse I still have the little thought in the back of my mind that something still could go wrong. Anyone else feel this way?
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  #2  
March 28th, 2006, 12:13 PM
Ethans_Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Arizona!
Posts: 2,717
Me!!! I can probably count the replies I have posted in the august ddc on 1 hand! And I am pretty certain I have yet to even start a new topic. And this is so not like me! I usually jump right in because I love to socialize! I think now that I waited this long, its almost like, whats the point, these girls dont know me. And I really dont know them too well either. I still visit the ttc after loss board, just because i love the girls on there and I want to hear all of everyones stories... but even that board I feel a little out of place going to. I know they dont want me to update how I am feeling each day and so the further and further I get in this pg, the less I feel that I fit in. My ddc is the last board I check each day, and I am not even that interested in 90% of the topics on there. At least I have you girls here!!!
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  #3  
March 28th, 2006, 01:10 PM
hopin4a4rth
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I was into my DDC for a while, but have just lost interest for some reason... I still go and post now and then, but I'm probably becoming one of those people who everyone says "Who is she?" LOL!
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  #4  
March 28th, 2006, 02:36 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 599
i post on both. I used to feel that way about being scared to post but the more i've posted the more i've gotten used to it. but its definatley comfortable to come here cause I can relate. though i'm sure all of us wish we didnt' belong here but its good to have a place you go when you are freaking out!!
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  #5  
March 28th, 2006, 06:14 PM
Stacia
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We're in the same DDC Renee. I post in there but I go days at a time without going anywhere near it. We are still having pregnancy losses and I find that really hard to deal with. This is my third pregnancy and I have lost three babies including a twin with this pregnancy. Every little cramp makes me worry. I haven't made any effort to get to know anyone in there and I don't think anyone would notice if I was gone. I've become really selective on the topics I read in there, there are women that worry more than I do and I don't need that right now!
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  #6  
March 28th, 2006, 08:36 PM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,299
I can totally relate. I was very hesitant to even join one. The overall mindset seems to be that m/c is a rarity which hardly ever happens, esp. if you have already heard a h/b... then someone ends up leaving and everyone is all to he11. I tried to say something once about how NOT uncommon it is and we should try to make these women feel more accepted and less like circus side-shows. Astrid even came over from the Loss group. Let's just say that went over like a fart in church....

I feel like there's just this level of.... I dunno, naivete that comes from never having had a loss, something that I don't have anymore. I find myself feeling that some of the topics brought up are, quite frankly, silly. I'm not saying this b/c I'm some big bad BTDT mom, but I just don['t have that innocence anymore.

Also, I noticed I wasn't on the DDC list, which kind of hurt my feelings...
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  #7  
March 29th, 2006, 08:52 AM
sunshinemommie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 782
I post in a ddc, but have not official joined. I guess I haven't even official joined this one either. I haven't put a ticker on. Could you call it denial? Maybe. I just feel that if I do, something will happen. I really wish I could get over it. I feel happy, but not happy. I have really positive days and not so positive days. Life is like a rollercoaster. I have my first appt. in a week and I'm really scared. But maybe a little relieved. What am I saying. LOL I really don't know how I feel. Anyone relate to such irratic behavior.
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  #8  
March 29th, 2006, 10:56 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 313
As another member of the DDC, I kinda feel the same way. It doesn't feel like anyone there really cares to get to know you as a person. And some of the posts make me feel old, I don't know how to explain it, but maybe I feel like the topics are juvenile? I don't mean to be offensive to anyone by saying this either.

And Boxerlove, I just checked the new list (Mar 14th) and you are on it for the 24th of October. Maybe they just took a long time to update? Not that it makes it right....

Sigh, I wish it were easier to get to know some of the people in my DDC, it feels like I am talking to strangers, or parrotting the responses of everyone else. I don't know, I guess that I just miss having friends to talk with and I expected the DDC to be like that, everyone going through the same thing and connecting.


Maybe I expected too much...
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  #9  
March 29th, 2006, 03:06 PM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Montana
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Oh, I just started crying looking at your little one in your siggie. (How can you stand how CUTE she is?!) Thanks for the congrats! And I'll check out your site. Like you and the ladies on here, I feel sort of left out. I was gone for a long time because I was sick and I feel like I missed so much, like they've all started something that I'm not allowed into, I suppose. And *some* of you (ahem, Renee and Stacia) are in the same group I am. I already wonder a little what it will be like in the Playroom after birth!

I hate posting in there because I know that no one wants to hear about the worries of the "habitual aborter", but those worries are so real to me and since I haven't had a baby to prove otherwise, I can't help but worry. When I try posting happier things, I feel like they go largely ignored. NOT by everyone...I don't know. I just feel...like a straggler, I suppose. The tag-along no one really wants there, but has to put up with.

No, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just expressing that I understand the awkward feeling of even visiting! (But watch me, I'm trying to post like a maniac!)
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  #10  
March 29th, 2006, 06:22 PM
*~Candy~*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Midwest
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I agree with all of you ladies, I have been in my DDC but everyone thinks I am nuts for worrying b/c most of them haven't suffered a loss. It's just so scary to think about and I also feel like a straggler
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  #11  
March 29th, 2006, 06:24 PM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 653
Its not so much I don't want to be included but sometimes I feel like this is what they do all day. I don't have that kind of energy. Every board I go to seems repeat, congarats and I'm sorry. I feel both of those things but how many more times can you right the same thing down.
I like to be able to repley to every post, I mean you can't tell if I read them or not, unless I post, then I feel horrible about not posting. I didn't feel well so I haven't been to my DDC very often, and I can't get into it, I would like to. I feel like I need to positive side to enjoy.

I like coming here because you all understnand, but I always feel like a burden to ppl with my worries, like you don't have enough of your own. There just isn't a place for me, here, I am not leaving but my mentallity just doesn't....idk, I never fit in much. Even in real life, Sometimes you just want someone to listen to you and hug you. Instead its the same crap, no listens, and if they are they are only getting what they want out the conversation and twist just about everything you say.

I don't mean to ramble, I just have never in my life had just one person I could talk to. One person I could cry too. I am expected to be ok, not care what other ppl say to me, in this case of baby loss... I feel like if I bring up the subject, so and so has to tell me of others, yes it is sad I feel there pain... but can't I just try and get it off my chest with out being remind I need to act as though nothing is wrong becasue millions of others have it worse. Or to be told that something is was wrong with the baby and I was better off. Like I should be happy the baby died because who wants to care for an ill child. I just want them to listen, them to know how broken my heart was/is. How it was my baby and I love it. How hard it is to be judged or rejected. And now how hard this pregnancy is just waiting for it to end like the last one.
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  #12  
March 29th, 2006, 08:48 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Ontario
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thanks a lot, i think shes cute too hehe. A pain in the butt sometimes but awesome (she teethed at 2mths and got teeth at 4 so its been rocky) I hope all you girls have healthy happy pregnancies, and happy and healthy babies! Even if i leave this site (which i prolly wont) ill check in and see whose had thier babies, i love seeing and hearing about new babies, especially when the mommies have gone through a previous loss.. you girls are brave! Even not having a m/c ever i always had the thought of losing her in my head. I went through preterm labour starting at 23 weeks and that was absolutly horrible, so after all that i know how hard it is having that thought in y0our head all the time.. just enjoy please!
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  #13  
March 29th, 2006, 09:35 PM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
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I think sometimes having a baby, especially your first, can put you on a cloud, above most serious worries. I am on a cloud, but I have one foot on the ground. I feel better that you other ladies feel that way sometimes, especially in my own DDC. I just feel like I'm the only one not totally into the happy cloud club. I feel so much more in my own skin here. I can be happy here and cautious at the same time,
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  #14  
April 6th, 2006, 07:53 AM
~.Sally.~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi,
I read info on my DDC (its the same one LeedaRenee as you are only one day ahead of me), but like you I am not totally happy yet and might not get to that stage until little one is born. I do not have my loss on my signature, but have had one and the thought of the little one I lost is always there. Like you say certain things are ignored and it can be awkward.
I can't even get in contact with my DDB, even though I have tried. If you want to chat then let me know, I am a UK mummy so email might be best as don't think we will be on messenger at the same time.
Sally
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  #15  
April 6th, 2006, 09:54 AM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,923
Hey Sally, nice to meet you. That sucks you can't get in touch with your DDB. Maybe you could ask for a new one? I chose not to have one. You're welcome to shoot me a PM if you ever want to talk
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