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A lot on my mind


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 31st, 2006, 04:47 PM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
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I feel the worry coming back in full force. April 6th is my next appointment and all I can think is "the baby's dead" " do I really feel it move" "something's wrong with the baby". I dont know if it has something to do with my old due date being this month, but I feel so stressed. I feel it in my whole body. Losing my patient yesterday really has been compounding it.

Then I start thinking and worrying abut when the baby gets here. I was abused as a child, my mom was schizophrenic. I have been homeless and moved around the country. I am afraid that I will do this to my child. I am afraid that I will lose my sanity one day and do what my mother did to me to my child. The same way that I am afraid of my mom, I also miss having her around. I know that sounds so odd. Everyone asks me how excited my mom is tha tI'm pg. But she's not there and I miss her, before her symptoms started showing, she was really a great mother.

I dont think my husband even realizes that this month would be the month we would've had a baby if I hadn't loss it in September. That hurts me, even though I know he loves me and was hurt when we mc. I cant sleep, my head is constantly hurting, I am weepy all the time. I know some of this is probably hormones, but I can't seem to calm down. I am going to try and take a nice warm bath and watch a happy movie tonight. Thanks for listening....again.
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  #2  
March 31st, 2006, 05:17 PM
koakoba's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Michigan
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Hang in there! I know I had a hard time when I found out my due date - it is the EXACT same as my lost baby. Nobody remembers that, only me. I know it can make you feel lonely. I'm sure you are going to be a great mother. Of the posts of yours I have read, you seem so level headed and mature - and I only know the preggo version!
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  #3  
March 31st, 2006, 05:36 PM
*~Candy~*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh hun, I TOTALLY FELT THIS WAY this whole week. Until today when I went to the dr. and got some reassurance. Its normal to worry and stress and I am sure the hormones don't contribute. I am a natural "worrier" and lately it has only been worse.

I wish I was there to give you a big *HUG* . Just try to relax (yah right) its bad for the baby to worry and I am sure he/she is doing just fine. I am sorry that this is the month your other baby would have been due. That is never easy, just try to keep busy until your appt. and then I am sure you will feel better (at least for a few days anyway
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  #4  
April 1st, 2006, 07:01 AM
anissa's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sending you some hugs. And it is sad but your DH most likely does not relize the due date is coming. Men are differant then women in dealing with these things. I found this really fustrating with my DH. You are in my thoughts.
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  #5  
April 1st, 2006, 09:11 AM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry any of us have to worry like this. Some of us are just natural worriers, of course. But this is totally different. My new baby will be born about 2 days after Sebastian died - it seems so surreal to me. In a way it angers me - I should have my son here, and be enjoying him..... I shouldn't be going thru this again. In the same breath, I am thankful that I am blessed with a new child and another chance at motherhood.....

I don't like to talk statistics - I think we all have heard enough about that. At some point though, we do need to realize what we can and can't control. As more time passes, I;m, sure that this pattern of relax/panic will decrease. And once you have your baby in your arms, you will know it was all worthwhile.
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  #6  
April 1st, 2006, 10:09 AM
soontobemommyto3
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I used to worry a lot about being a good mom or not. It is hard, I still worry if I'm good mom. On a positive note, mental health has come a long long way in the past decade or so. Not that you will experience anythign similar to what your mom did, but if you did there is a lot better help then when your mom went through it.

As for the worry during pregnancy - oh boy do I understand that. Having screen positive for down's on my 1st trimester screening just sent me for a loop. Of all the things I thought could go wrong that wasn't one of them. I refused to acknowledge the baby until after my amnio results were in.

I will say, the further you get, the more relaxed you will feel. I know I lost a baby after she was declared healthy at her u/s but that is extremely rare and who knows there might have been something wrong that they didn't detect. Most people go on to have normal, healthy babies. I'm sure you will too. But I know how that fear can creep up and consume you. I've been there.

I'm thinking of you...
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  #7  
April 1st, 2006, 03:01 PM
LeedaRenee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies for the replies. I'm feeling much better. Hubby knows how depressed I am and took me out last night to see a movie and talk at dinner. On a pleasant note, the little one has been moving some. He/she is probably sick of me worrying. It's good to have a place like this to vent.
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  #8  
April 2nd, 2006, 05:41 AM
Blessings B's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Big big hugs Renee. I worried too about the mothering part, but I think for those of us who have expeirence "hell" as a child, we are extra careful to provide that safe, unconditional love envirnoment.

Wow, give yourself a little slack. This is going to be a tough month, don't fight it , just acknowledge the pain, hurt and saddness. This too shall pass. You will be in my thoughts Blessings b
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  #9  
April 3rd, 2006, 01:56 AM
SpugsLady's Avatar Veteran
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I dont think my b/f has a clue that our baby 'might' have been born today as today is my original due date but i posted something about that in another topic, and the only person I think remembered was my sister who asked me on April the 1st weather I would have been due that day, because she went by my due date before they gave me april 3rd!
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