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Petty childish snarky comment...


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 25th, 2010, 08:54 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 47
Totally just saying and I know I'm being a brat. Really. Just venting like a big ol bratty brat.

Random quasi friend: So how are you feeling???
me: "Oh fine" (casually)
RQF: (pushy) But are you still sick? Are things going ok? What's going on?
me: (internally debating. Take easy way out..) "Things are ok. I think I'll ask my dr today about why I'm so large. I'm not worried about being fat or that nonsense, just feeling extremly swollen and malformed. Just worry that I'm growing like Violet in Willy Wonka..." (true)
RQF: "Oh, it's always like that with your second pregnancy..."

????

me: (internally only..."yes. my second. Not at all my sixth. Because I keep FORGETTING about the other ones. It's only this one that counts. My uterus TOTALLY didnt change with the others. Silly me. What hormones? Hey, if there's no live baby, I wasn't pregnant. I keep forgetting. Yep, just me with my second. Argh. Donkey.)
instead: "So thx for asking, you going to the park later..."

I know, I know... lighten up.
I'm workin on it.
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  #2  
March 25th, 2010, 09:58 AM
krystal g's Avatar Happy to be a SAHM!
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I hear ya! I get that...this is my 3rd pregnancy. And I figure if I had to break out the maternity pants for my first pregnancy...then my uterus changed. In fact, I never quite lost that little belly I formed the first time. But yeah, whatever, you can't change others...just take a deep breath and try not to kill the random friends. Vent away!
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  #3  
March 25th, 2010, 10:12 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It is hard when you are expecing with little angels above. I am not sure if people are just uncaring or afraid to mention prior losses. Probably more of the later. Loss is still so taboo to talk about sadly.

I am currently pg for the 6th time but this will (God Willing!) be my 3rd child. I just tell people it is my 3rd b/c it is easier than explaining everything

(((HUGS))) I am sorry your friend did not think before she spoke.
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  #4  
March 25th, 2010, 10:24 AM
noworries
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I get the same way. This is my third pregnancy and my third baby but will only be my 2nd baby here on earth with me. People make comments about how you always show sooner/are bigger with your second and it makes me want to scream "I already have two kids, this is my third!"
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  #5  
March 25th, 2010, 11:35 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
Wooo do I have that problem. A little history: this pregnancy started as a triplet pregnancy but Baby B stopped growing and Baby C had a fatal genetic condition, so we had to reduce the pregnancy to save Baby A.

Also, I carry entirely in the front, and I was fat to begin with so I look huge.

Acquaintance/coworker/random stranger: "You are HUGE! You must be having twins!!"
Me: "Actually, I was having TRIPLETS, but two of them DIED TRAGICALLY, but they don't just fall out or disappear. I bet you feel pretty stupid for asking now, huh?"
Acquaintance/coworker/random stranger: stunned silence
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  #6  
March 25th, 2010, 12:19 PM
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omg omg omg - Rebecca I had no idea. Holy toledo, and good god. That's insane and just... insane. I'm so sorry for everything. And you have such a great sense of humor in print and such a practical tone - you'd...well, never know that... I guess for lack of a better way to say it. I'm so sorry - but sorry is too small a word.

Meanwhile - overall, re: what I originally posted. It's... funny?... if you will. I think you need to have a sense of humor to get through so much of this. I had a D&C last June and of course through away all the literature. I figured been there, done that. Well I never bothered to read the little note about stool softners and laxatives and your cervix being banged up. ASK me, just ask me about the conversation I had through the bathroom door with my husband.
"You need the Astroglide WHY????" Please. So I get my friend was well intentioned, sometimes though!!! I just want to be like "Stiffle it Edith"

And I'm sorry to about everyone's losses. Sorry if I sound comical and flippant at times, it doesn't take away how sad I feel when I see your posts and siggy's. It's so hard to absorb what you girls have all experienced and yet, to a one, everyone is so NORMAL it's astonishing. You'd think we'd all be nutjobs!
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  #7  
March 25th, 2010, 01:20 PM
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I kinda feel guilty when I just let people think this is my first. At the same time - I don't really feel like getting into it with people who aren't close. IDK. Usually I just talk about it in a medical context.
I think I would feel different if it had been a still birth or a later m/c. Mine were both quite early - so they didn't affect how much I show. Still - I get mad when my friend is all know it all about labour and recovery. M/Cs (i've only had natural) hurt and have recovery times too! I know about the pooping problem! I know about bleeding for weeks! anyway yeah. big big big
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  #8  
March 25th, 2010, 02:04 PM
Kary♥RN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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HUGS... I am honest. When people say oh you have a son.. that is older right... And I always say.. Yes my son is 19... but I have had three losses... and now this is my 4th pregnancy... in the last almost 2 years... (19 months to be exact)... I wish non or us had to go through this!!!
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  #9  
March 25th, 2010, 02:10 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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In all honesty, I'm not being totally truthful - Grant has squished his brother and sister into the placenta, so they aren't affecting my size anymore. I just don't like the constant reminder that they are gone. I don't talk about it much though. I really only get pissed when people act like this is my first because of my son Ethan. I gave birth to him, I held him and sang to him and named him, so I get pissed when people skip over him.

The sweetest thing happened last week though. My grandfather is, well, a little doddy. I think he killed a lot of brain cells when he was an alcoholic, so he's a bit absent minded. It's adorable. Anyway, he likes to talk about the baby, and when he called on my birthday, he said "Wow, pretty soon you're going to be a mother - for the second time!" Nobody ever says that to me, not even my family who met and loved Ethan too. Everyone, even those who still talk about Ethan, talk about how I'm going to be a mother in May.It really made my heart melt that my doddy, forgetful grandfather already thinks I'm a mother
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  #10  
March 25th, 2010, 02:14 PM
Kary♥RN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Rebecca.... You are being truthful... It is ok.. to say that... since they are all still with you. And you brought tears to my eyes.... You grandfather no matter what the reason is sooo sweet... I loved hearing about what he said to you.. HUGS
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  #11  
March 25th, 2010, 03:36 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Rebecca...I love your grandfather What a wonderful sweet thing to say!
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  #12  
March 25th, 2010, 04:23 PM
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Brought tears to my eyes to Rebecca. thanks for sharing.
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  #13  
March 25th, 2010, 06:18 PM
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Your grandad is great! Only two people knew about my pregnancy and subsequent loss... one very dear friend said all the right things except when she said "I just have to tell myself that there was a reason why your baby wasn't meant to make it".

Now I had in fact been telling myself that same very thing to try to move through the grieving process, but I felt like I was the only one allowed to say that...like fine that she thought it, but probably wasn't the right thing to say to me...

Otherwise it's just people (who don't know about my loss) and talk about the timing between this baby and my 2nd child and how well that worked out for me (will be 3 years) and whenever they make comments I can't help but think of the baby I lost.

But of course that's not their fault and I can't even imagine the times I have probably also made light comments and not known someone's history.

But, it's okay to feel hurt.
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  #14  
March 25th, 2010, 07:24 PM
fka teresarunningmommy
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Location: Michigan
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I guess I'm the odd man out. I've had 4 losses, but a lot of people don't know about them. Even at that I don't take that kind of things personally. I know my babies were my babies and I remember them in their own special way, but unless I think someone is being totally thoughtless it doesn't usually get to me.
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  #15  
March 25th, 2010, 10:18 PM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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wow...I am reading your stories, and the emotions that come flooding back are just unbelievable....
can I just give you ladies HUGE and even more to all of our angels that WE have not and will not forget
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  #16  
March 27th, 2010, 03:55 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
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Before I start I just want to apolgize if I offend anyone.

When i come here not only do I get great support for my losses I also get a perspective on how things could have been worse. I had three losses in six months. However my babies were tiny and with me for a very short time. How muich worse would it have been to have had a loss after the heartbeat was heard? How much more painfull would it have been if I had already felt the baby move? How much more hurt would I be holding a tiny pefect baby and knowing that would be the only time hol;ding my baby? (Yikes i made myself cry) So not only do i get great support for my losses, I get perpective to be compassionate to others losses as well.
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