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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
June 3rd, 2010, 06:21 PM
EquestrianMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Seaside, CA
Posts: 1,097
This is my first time posting over on this board, but I needed to get this off my chest.

I'm pregnant now, due in July with a little girl. This is my second pregnancy with my husband, I've been pregnant twice before. The last miscarriage was in October of 08, and I'm really struggling right now.. had I not lost that baby, he or she would have just turned a year old. I keep trying to stay positive, saying that I wouldn't have this little miracle, our lives would have been so different, etc.. but nothing really helps. How do I get over this hurdle? My DH really is trying to help but he doesn't know what to say or do, and I don't really know either
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  #2  
June 3rd, 2010, 06:31 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 8,606
It's totally normal to feel that way. HUGS!!! I've also lost a bean who would have been turning 1 this September. I think it makes it really hard whenever the EDD approaches. You have to basically take it one day at a time.
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  #3  
June 3rd, 2010, 07:36 PM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
I think the easiest thing is to just know that its normal to still miss a baby..and count its birthdays.. even though you have a new little one that wouldnt have been possible otherwise.. Its not that you want to trade them.. or that you dont want the one you have.. Its just you still miss the other..

I lost a baby in oct 07.. and got pregnant with my second DD a few months later.. she is now 19 months old.. but i still think about the other one that would have turned two in May had it been born...

~Em
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  #4  
June 4th, 2010, 10:29 AM
baby4me?'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,592
I think the other ladies gave some great advice. It's totally normal to feel sad about the losses you have experienced and the baby that should have been. My DH had a hard time understanding what I was going through. He tried but he just didn't get it. Try to keep communication open as much as possible though and definitely take it one day at a time.
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  #5  
June 4th, 2010, 11:48 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,367
I love the advice the other ladies have given! For me I try and remember that even though I don't have a 8 month old in my arms I have the baby I am currently carrying. If I had the first baby I was pregnant with this one would not have happened. In fact, if any of my 4 miscarriages had not happened I would not be who I am today. Who I am today will make me the mom I am to this baby and for that I know I will remember those babies with love and appreciate who they have made me.

I am not at all trying to say it is easy - it is not! But don't try and get over your other baby. Remember the short time you had and smile, cry, vent, whatever you need to do. And remember that we have all been where you are and we are here for you whenever you need us.
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