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Advice for the baby shower!


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
June 9th, 2010, 04:02 PM
Jillinebinny's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 220
So my baby shower is probably going to be the first week in Aug and i need some advice.

This is our second child. But, our first passed away after she was born. We knew before hand that she would not live so i never had a baby shower. But, before i was even pregnant with Grace i got pretty much all the baby items i *need* (from church, freecycle and craigs list). I am pretty much set when it comes to baby.

There are a few items that i could use, but they are either expensive, or random (like a washer and dryer, car seat, baby socks, diaper pail, and some other random things).

Because of not really needing anything, and then the items i need being random and such, i am not registering. I'm also not registering because i find that most things that are in the baby section i don't need and won't use.

So i'm kinda at a loss of what to do for the baby shower. A very big part of me just wants to ask nicely for cash, since it's what we could really use the most. The pregnancy came unexpected (we were planning on waiting at least 6 more months) and with everything that happened with Grace's pregnancy, and some things that have come up with this pregnancy, we could really just use the cash (whether for getting the washer and dryer, having extra funds to DH can stay home longer with the baby, building up our emergency fund again since it's pretty much gone, or just putting in baby's college fund).

Some have told me to just let people get me stuff and then return it, but i've found that many people don't give you a receipt with the gift (i got i think 2 with our wedding gifts....), or *if* they do, that most stores will only let you exchange the item, or give you credit for the department in the store, they don't give you cash, so that really doesn't help me, since i don't *NEED* anything really from the baby section. (something i should probably mention is the fact that we are doing things a bit, different i guess and we are going minimal for the baby. We are co-sleeping (so no nursery), cloth diapering (i've made them), baby wearing (i have slings), breastfeeding (have what i need), etc etc. I just don't believe in all that extra stuff for baby (like exersaucers and such))

Others have said that some people can't afford gifts (or to give cash) so they make things. That is fine, i understand that, and to me, a homemade gift means *much* more than a store bought one.

And then even others have told me that i'm being selfish and that it's people's rights to buy me baby stuff, that it's what they like to do and that is the reason for a baby shower so i should just let them. But i thought a baby shower was to get the mother (and father) most ready for baby?

Some ideas i've had is saying something like this:

"As you know this is our second child, and because of that, all of their physical needs are met. In lieu of purchasing a gift, a donation towards Daddy's paternity leave would be appreciated for Baby's emotional needs"

Or we could change that to say something like "donating towards baby's college fund", or "buying big ticket items" or whatever.

Another idea i've had is still asking for cash, but also having a sign up for people to make and bring freezer meals 2 weeks before so we don't have to cook after baby and that way people can still feel like they are *doing* something to help you know?

So what do you guys think? Have any of you been in a similar situation? how would you handle this?? What do you recommend?

If any of this doesn't make sense, please feel free to ask me to clarify.

Thanks ladies!
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  #2  
June 9th, 2010, 05:49 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
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As soon as I started reading this I thought "write a cute poem about the fact that you are already prepared but would love to send this child to college" make it something cute and from the babies prespective - something like "my mommy and daddy are already so prepared for me that I don't need much... but when I get older I wanna be a lawyer, or doctor, or maybe a an engineer. but I might need your help to get there so I asked mommy to set up a bank account for me so I can go to college one day" you get the idea.

I would also like to add that some people will get your gifts, or make something, etc so no matter what you do you will likely get gifts.
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  #3  
June 9th, 2010, 06:06 PM
Jillinebinny's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Washington
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlyster View Post
As soon as I started reading this I thought "write a cute poem...

I would also like to add that some people will get your gifts, or make something, etc so no matter what you do you will likely get gifts.
I like that idea. Thank you

And i totally understand that we will still get gifts. We'd just like to find a way to cut down on the number of unnecessary items if we could. Cause when i say i have pretty much everything, i mean it (breastpump, bottles, nursing pads, clothes (birth to 1 year+ for each gender), diapers, toys, crib, vibration seat, scrapbooks/albums, baby carriers, etc etc etc)
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  #4  
June 9th, 2010, 06:38 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Hmmm maybe register at Sears and then return the gifts from the registry towards a washer or dryer? They will give you a gift card for the return, then you can apply it towards what you really need
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On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
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  #5  
June 11th, 2010, 01:28 PM
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i completely understand. we also don't want to get a lot of stuff. maybe it's the eco-mama in me, but i prefer to buy as a i go. plus there are a lot of baby things that we'll need/want that aren't exactly 'things' and money would be much handier. i found something a few months ago on daily candy kids that i held on to for this purpose specifically; then i actually just saw it on mamaista. have you ever heard of the site called deposit a gift? seems like they are new but getting good reviews on reputable sites.

i think it's a brilliant way to handle "registering" for what you want, and letting people contribute towards what you really will use. we have been setting ours up and it's really easy to use, plus they offer some wording options, like you are asking about. though i really like mlyster's suggestion. that is super cute! anyways, i think depositagift might be what you are looking for and then you don't have to worry about returns at all, which is no fun with baby in tow!
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  #6  
June 11th, 2010, 02:21 PM
Jillinebinny's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahslaugh View Post
i found something a few months ago on daily candy kids that i held on to for this purpose specifically; then i actually just saw it on mamaista. have you ever heard of the site called deposit a gift? seems like they are new but getting good reviews on reputable sites.

i think it's a brilliant way to handle "registering" for what you want, and letting people contribute towards what you really will use. we have been setting ours up and it's really easy to use, plus they offer some wording options, like you are asking about. though i really like mlyster's suggestion. that is super cute! anyways, i think depositagift might be what you are looking for and then you don't have to worry about returns at all, which is no fun with baby in tow!
We might have to look into that. Thank you for the suggestion
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  #7  
June 11th, 2010, 03:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jillinebinny View Post
We might have to look into that. Thank you for the suggestion
you're welcome! i hope you find the right thing for you
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  #8  
June 13th, 2010, 05:33 PM
Libby22's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 4,643
you could ask for money or gifts so you can start saving for collage.
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baby shower , infant loss , second child

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