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Experiences with counselors for grief and PAL


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
October 9th, 2010, 06:41 PM
LuvMyFurbabies's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am struggling with my counselor right now. We lost our boy/girl twins in July and I have been seeing a grief counselor since August. We recently found out that we are pregnant this week (4wks) and I told her about it. She thinks that we are not ready and wants to up our sessions. I have been working through the anger issues that I wasn't dealing with from the loss and now she has me working on the anger from my childhood. I agree with it and want to work through it as I want to be a better mom for the baby or babies that I do get to raise. I am struggling with her right now because of some comments that she made like "I don't think you are ready", "well we have alot of work to do in the next 8 months". Maybe my anger is coming out at her b/c I am bringing up all of the suppressed anger from when I was younger. She has been very helpful in getting me to deal with the grief of the twins and for helping me to bring up the suppressed anger. Part of me fear is staying in the negativity like this while I am pregnant but after reading some other posts I realize that it is probably normal since we suffered our loss. I am such a happy person that it is really hard for me to be in this negative space right now. I want to enjoy being pregnant and this pregnancy. I really thought that when I saw a BFP that I would be overwhelmed with emotion but I had nothing. It took another test for me to start feeling excited and accept it. We are going in for our first appt next week so maybe that will help confirm the pregnancy and help settle my emotions. I just want to scream and cry at the same time. Maybe that is what I need to do to get the emotion out and then I can be happy and excited. I am on a crazy emotional roller coaster right now!!! AHHHHHHH!!! I then start to think that maybe I don't really want to do the work that my counselor wants me to do but I know that it will be beneficial. Well next week my DH and I are going to see her together. I think I need to at least set some boundaries with my counselor and let her know that either she supports us with this decision and works with us or I will go to someone else. Anyone have any experience with anything like this?
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  #2  
October 9th, 2010, 07:00 PM
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Hey Smish, welcome to JM and PAL!!! Congratulations on your new pregnancy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have not had the exact experience you are having, but I have had therapy and issues with the therapist before. It sounds like you have lost trust with your counselor due to her unsupportive comments ("you aren't ready" etc). You need to tell her that you don't think the relationship is working out anymore because you feel unsupported by her in this pregnancy, and you would like a referral to another counselor. As a professional this should be no big deal for her, it happens all the time in counseling and therapy. It will be difficult to start over completely with a new counselor but I think it will be worth it. You can focus more on what you really need to in order to handle PAL and becoming a mother one day.

Just my 2 cents!!!! I'm not a professional, but I have had to break up with a therapist I was with for 2 years, because she similarly became unsupportive and negative, just as I was becoming a lot more well and happy.
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  #3  
October 9th, 2010, 07:06 PM
LuvMyFurbabies's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you Shen. I think you are right in what you said and it feels good to be able to vent it out and have positive feedback. Other people have suggested just stopping the therapy and I really want to work through this wound that has been opened about the anger. Thank you again for your experience.
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  #4  
October 9th, 2010, 09:50 PM
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Yeah, I really don't think it was appropriate of her to say that. I mean, even if she thinks so, what are you going to do about it now? Now that you're pregnant, you want to stay pregnant, ready or not.

Maybe letting her know how what she said made you feel will help her fix her attitude or what she says to you. If not, I agree with Shen, you need someone who will be supportive of you and not negative.

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  #5  
October 10th, 2010, 06:19 PM
dee68's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am going to totally agree with Shen & Brittanie .
Support is so important after a loss, and with PAL.
I am hoping you have better sessions or if need be, find someone who will be beneficial to you.

Welcome to the board and Congratulations !
best wishes to you !
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  #6  
October 10th, 2010, 07:58 PM
LuvMyFurbabies's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies. I think I just needed to confirm what my heart was telling me. I go in for my first appt with the midwife on Thursday so I will see if she has any one that she suggests. Like I said I feel like I have come a long way with the grief and it is hard enough not worry and be scared of loosing this baby that I don't feel comfortable continuously staying in the negative place. I am just glad that I have you guys to turn to right now because I think that will help me to know that what I am feeling is perfectly normal.

I was so super excited the first pregnancy and I just want to enjoy every minute of this one instead of question whether she is right and if I am fit to be a mom and if I should be pregnant. I didn't have any doubts before and after talking to my counselor I started second guessing myself. I don't want to do that anymore. My DH and I want this baby more than anything and I want to find a way to celebrate that. Again thank you ladies for the support I am already feeling the stress of that situation melt away.
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  #7  
October 10th, 2010, 11:08 PM
Libby22's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Congratulations on your new pregnancy. Sorry to hear about your twins. I think its good your talking to someone about your loss, it really helps me im in therpy I get to talk about my loss even tho in not in therpy to talk about my loss he lets me talk about angel
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