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got preg rather soon after a loss... approaching loss's EDD


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
December 6th, 2010, 06:41 PM
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First of all, I want to say how incredibly thankful I am for this pregnancy. It feels like a miracle that it even happened at all, but especially so soon (1st cycle trying after recovering from my ectopic rupture and tube removal).

That said, realizing that it's December already, and January (month of the EDD for my ectopic) is coming up really soon, and my friend and SIL who were due just before/after me are HUGE and well into 3rd tri, the friend is going to be full term really soon... I feel sort of... behind? Like, "I'm supposed to be bigger than her" but I'm tiny, just starting to have a beer belly pudge but nothing really pregnant looking. I guess I had figured that getting pregnant before my EDD would somehow make it all okay, and obviously it's been super helpful, but I still have these feelings popping up right now. Honestly I think this wouldn't be an issue if I didn't have these girls to compare to, but their big bellies just make me sort of resentful.

This is just a vent, and I feel a little weird for having these feelings. Because I'm so grateful and happy for this pregnancy, ya know? I dunno. I know it's not a race, but at the same time, I feel like I fell behind... am I alone in this or does anyone know what I mean?? Maybe I should just chalk it up to hormones. Anyway, thanks for listening if you read this far.
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  #2  
December 6th, 2010, 11:50 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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I can totally understand. My cousin is due the same week I was and while she is worrying about what maternity shirt to wear, I'm just worried about making it through the first trimester.

I'm sure by the time our babies are born, we won't even be thinking about when we were due before. We'll be so enthralled with our newborns, it won't matter who was due the same time as us. At least that is what I'm hoping.

In a few weeks you'll be finding out the sex and you'll have something new to get you through.
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  #3  
December 7th, 2010, 12:45 AM
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(((((Hugs)))))) My second angels 'angelversary' just came and went last week. I ADORE my daughter - and I still miss my other two babies. I think - oh they would have been one today. It's normal - it's fair to feel that way - it's ok! We are mom and we love our babies the instant we know we are pregnant.
(((((((((hugs))))))))))))) IDK if that's helpful. I hope so.
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  #4  
December 7th, 2010, 06:07 AM
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Thanks ladies ... I don't have exact EDD's for my two losses, they were both early, but I think I'll probably often (at least for the next couple years) have a small thought in my head, whenever January and April roll around... and that's okay... just sort of considering what might have happened, or could be happening in some parallel universe. I just remember when I passed my first loss's EDD month, I noticed it and thought about it, but I didn't have so many feelings about it, but then again I didn't have preggo ladies to compare myself to, and I also didn't have pregnancy hormones coursing through my veins and babies on my mind 24/7.

Rebecca, I hope you're right that I won't feel "behind" my friend and SIL anymore after the baby is here!
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  #5  
December 7th, 2010, 06:55 AM
OwensMommy25's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I know how you feel for sure. I have a good friend who just had her baby, but my twins were supposed to be born 3 months before her baby was born. When I visited her and her baby I felt pangs of loss.

I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
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  #6  
December 7th, 2010, 03:32 PM
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I also know how you feel. Your feeelings are normal, at least to me. My due date for our loss was December 4th. Thankfully, we've been really busy and I didn't have much time to think about it. I will say, though, my cousin is pregnant, big pregnant. When we saw her on Thanksgiving it was a little hard to sit a look at her thinking I could have had my baby. Then I have to stop and think there is a greater plan for my family and I need to have faith in that. These thoughts do not help much with the frustration I feel. That said, I am focusing on this pregnancy now and I'm beginng to feel more comfortable being excited.
I have found that coming on here to vent is very helpful. Having others who can share and relate to the same experiences is definitely comforting.

Hugs. Hang in there.
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  #7  
December 8th, 2010, 01:16 PM
amrysmomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I could totally relate to that as well. We have a couple that we are friends with and we both started TTC at the same time. They had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant and finally did April 09, of course I was jealous, but became pregnant in July 09 I was so excited to be pregnant with her and then I had a m/c in aug and of course was devasted. I was jealous that her pregnancy was going so well and I m/c. Then when I got pregnant in Sept 09 I wasn't as excited, I must have known deep down there was something wrong, which like you had an ectopic and had a tube removed. I then got pregnant in Jan 10 which is when my friend was due. Of course I was excited, but couldn't help feeling that twinge of jealousy that she was always one step ahead of me and that she had her baby and I was due to have mine in March had I not m/c. I think the hardest thing for me to deal with is the fact that she had no complications and I had to experience two losses prior to getting my rainbow baby. I think your feelings are perfectly normal.
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  #8  
December 8th, 2010, 01:27 PM
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I understand how you are feeling! I am so sorry. I was supposed to be having twins, and while I am SO HAPPY that I've still got Peter, I can't help but be sad sometime for his brother or sister that should be growing along with him!
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  #9  
December 8th, 2010, 03:03 PM
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I understand there were 4 of us cousins that were pregnant all due at the same time, They are all having or already had their babies
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  #10  
December 8th, 2010, 05:43 PM
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I've been there too. *hugs*
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  #11  
December 8th, 2010, 08:51 PM
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I can totally relate and understand what you are going through. I am much better at seeing pregnant women now that I am pregnant and past the EDD of my twins. However a friend of mine was due a week before my twins and when she had her baby it was very difficult for me. It took me 4 weeks to finally get up enough courage to go see her and the baby. I think th hardest part of all is that our relationship has been estranged since my loss and it makes me feel like I am tainted or something. I feel like I have worked really hard to make an effort to see her and spend time with her and I don't get it back in return.

I have to agree that God has a bigger plan for me and my family and as much as I wanted those babies, it is hard for me to imagine DH and I with twin newborns right now. I am very grateful for this pregnancy and without that loss I wouldn't have this baby now. It is strange to think about it. You wish you had the baby/babies you lost but are grateful for the one you have now that you otherwise wouldn't have had without the loss. All I can say is that it will pass and as hard as it is to see them try to force yourself. For me the more I was around pregnant women and babies the better and more comfortable I got. I also began to accept my own loss as well.
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  #12  
December 9th, 2010, 06:17 AM
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Wow, I am truly blown away by all the heartfelt responses to this thread. Thank you so much ladies for sharing your stories and advice. It really helps me, more than you know, just to know that my feelings are normal and shared by others in similar situations. I'm really grateful for this board right now.
all around!!!!!!
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