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  #1  
December 30th, 2010, 08:16 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I feel like I'm lying to people when I talk about being pregnant. I'm starting to feel it physically more, which is good, but when it comes to the idea of actually having a baby come August....it feels like a sham.

I had such an instant bond with Cora. It felt surreal, in that you can't really comprehend what it is actually like to experience something you haven't yet, but I could dream about her in a real way. I expected to get a baby out of it.

I didn't with Erin and Patrick. And especially not now. Maybe it's not "especially" in that it's harder for me now than it was with them, but because I was expecting it to get better or easier being 4 1/2 years removed and having had 2 live births since.

But I don't. I don't believe it. Not yet. And that fact makes me want to cry.
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  #2  
December 30th, 2010, 08:19 PM
LisaG825's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have to say that I don't feel as connected with this pregnancy as I did with Gabriel. I try to, but I am having trouble. I think it is just fear that I will lose this LO too. I hope it gets better for you. I am slowly getting there.
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  #3  
December 30th, 2010, 08:35 PM
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I know how you feel! I have the "I'm pregnant" feeling down, but I still haven't completely grasped the "I'm having a baby" feeling. It may not sink in properly until baby is here!
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  #4  
December 30th, 2010, 08:56 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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((hugs))
you'd think it get easier after having a rainbow baby or two, but it isn't automatic, is it? We all know fear and heartache, and neither brain nor heart will ever forget that
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  #5  
December 31st, 2010, 05:41 AM
Soleil's Avatar Happy & Blessed
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While my two losses were in the first trimester, I had a very difficult time connecting with Liam -- and sometimes still find myself wracked with worry.

I'll be 33 weeks on Monday... and I would say I didn't really have moments of "relaxation" with him until the 5th or 6th month.

I thought I'd miraculously bond with him as soon as the 2nd trimester hit...but I just got more worried -- about the prenatal testing, etc etc.

My therapist described it as almost "survival mode" -- she explained that I want so much to love and connect with this life inside of me, but my brain is almost acting as a protector for my heart... not allowing me to fully enjoy and embrace the baby out of fear of another loss.

I showed later than most too so that did not help, same with fetal movement. I feel him constantly now and am noticeably pregnant but there are still moments when I question and worry about the birth of our miracle.

Hugs to you and hang in there.
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  #6  
December 31st, 2010, 06:22 AM
~LaurenNoel~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel guilty for still feeling this way, even though she will be here soon. It sounds awful, but I just take care of Wesley and do things as if I wasn't even pregnant. I get excited over milestones (like reaching 8 months) because I know I will feel differently when she is out and I see that she is healthy. *hugs*
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  #7  
December 31st, 2010, 09:20 AM
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It took me along time to relax when I was pg. I didn't even buy anything for him until after 20 weeks. I agree that it's a survival tool.
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  #8  
December 31st, 2010, 09:55 AM
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I think we do connect, just in a different way. If we were completely disconnected, we would care about spotting and cramping and all the things that could go wrong... We love our babies. We just worry instead of plan.....
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  #9  
December 31st, 2010, 01:42 PM
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I don't think I connected with my last 2 babies until after they were born, and then it was so hard because they spent so much time in the NICU and were touch and go. I didn't buy one thing until they said I could take her home. I think it's a coping mechanism so we won't go crazy. Maybe we care too much so to protect ourselves we disconnect.
I'm trying to force myself to do all the things I did with my first pregnancy. Belly shots, reading about each week, planning for the future. Honestly though, I don't think I'll really believe I'm going to have a baby until after 34 weeks. I'm sure at that point I'll begin to panic because I'm not ready.
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  #10  
January 1st, 2011, 10:13 AM
ldovey83's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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First all Britt I wanted to give you HUGS.. I think as our human nature it is very normal to be scared and fear and not have connections to the pregnancy after what we all have been through.. However I am a firm believer and stand by this, that when you give it to God and let HIM handle it, it makes that much more difference.. I was scared to death when I found out I was expecting again.. I hadn't had any testing, and I was just afraid of the same outcome.. I cried and prayed to God many many times, and since I have done that I have felt a peace over this pregnancy, and I am able to enjoy what I can of it.. I have to remind myself many times that it's in God's hands.. Trust me it is not easy cause like I said our human instincts want to kick in. I will be saying a prayer for you hun.. HUGS..
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  #11  
January 1st, 2011, 06:11 PM
Libby22's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Lots of hugs. Its very scary being in the first 12 weeks of pregancy. Im only starting to feel connected to his baby im nearly due. I think its so normal for anyone that has had a loss.
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  #12  
January 1st, 2011, 10:27 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Libby22 View Post
Lots of hugs. Its very scary being in the first 12 weeks of pregancy. Im only starting to feel connected to his baby im nearly due. I think its so normal for anyone that has had a loss.
Unfortunately for me, since my loss was at the end, all of pregnancy is very scary. I had moments during my pregnancies with Erin and Patrick when I felt connected but it was fleeting. Until they came home.

I wish I could go back to that innocence and the instant connection I had with Cora.
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  #13  
January 2nd, 2011, 12:08 AM
LuvMyFurbabies's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have struggled with the connection as well but I am hoping that once I cross the 21 wk mark when we delivered the twins I will feel better. I don't know that I will feel fully comfortable until I am holding our baby in my arms though. I agree with you about the innocence of the first pregnancy without complications. I don't think any of us went into getting pg thinking "I could loose baby." Once you have a loss it just makes it real that things happen and sometimes it just isn't always easy to get what you wanted. After watching all of my sibling have no complication with their pg I never thought it would happen to me. Now I just hope I get the blessings that they get.
I do feel a little bit better knowing what the sex of the baby is but I don't know how long this will last. Just hoping it will carry me a few more weeks until I get past my 21 wk milestone. Just hang in there and try to do what you can to feel connected.
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