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Besides the obvious, how can I successfully graduate to PAL


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
January 7th, 2011, 11:40 AM
Celena's Avatar Proud JM hostess
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It sounds like a stupid question, but I want to know who after repeatedly losing babies have you successfully made it thru to PAL?

What is your success story?

How many losses before graduating all the way to the end?

Please share your story of hope, I need to hear some optimism right now... thank you!
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07/30/09@6wks3dsEDD 03.23.10 08/21/09@5wks EDD 04.21.10 02/08/10@8wks3ds EDD 09.17.10
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  #2  
January 7th, 2011, 12:41 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Celena HUGS!!!! It's just not fair, I'm so sad about your loss. And I think you know my story but here it is again anyway. I know there are stories with more losses than I had, but I hope some little part of it gives some ideas for you... or helps in some small way... sorry if it's way too long, feel free to skip it too.

After my 1st loss (normal uncomplicated miscarriage at home at 6 weeks), I felt sort of anemic and we were busy with other things (had just moved to a new state and started new jobs). I was too tired and stressed to BD much, so we just NTNP/WTTTC for a few months until I felt strong and our lives were under control. Then we started BDing as much as possible during my "fertile period" according to CycleBeads/Standard Days method, but I was often not up to full steam due to work stress, and I never knew exactly when or if I ovulated. My cycle was perfectly regular. We had 4-5 unsuccessful cycles.

In late April/May 2010 I bought an elliptical machine to use at home, and started on a new exercise and supplement regime (Vit D/Magnesium/Calcium in PM, Floradix and fish oil in AM). That month I finally got my BFP. This ended up being my ectopic, which was of course life threatening and I was severely anemic (2 week post-op hemoglobin was 4.0) and became very weak physically.

I took Rx iron for about a month until my system couldn't take it anymore. I took some weird Rx antihistamines for 2 weeks to gain weight back (I had lost about 10 lbs) and gained it all back in 2 weeks, so I went off those after that. Then I took Chinese herbs (blend from my old acupuncturist in Boston, to build blood and chi), Floradix, 1mg folic acid, fish oil, and chlorella tablets for 2-3 months. I also had a light exercise regime to build my strength up, and I did yoga/meditation every day. I was studying a book on energy healing and trying to heal my energy field around my ectopic and in my womb and remaining tube and ovaries, I would send good energy there as part of my meditation practice. I also resolved to myself that it would take at least 1 year to get pregnant again - I took time off work, got into watercolors, and started making plans for creative projects and home improvements and future travels, to occupy myself. I also posted on TTCAL and got LOTS of support from wonderful ladies like Celena, which helped me feel normal and understood, and was VERY healing!

For TTC, my cycle had become really weird and long, so I learned about charting and got a bunch of OPKs. We DTD pretty often in the potentially fertile phase that first cycle, and then a whole bunch in the 3 days after my + OPK, which luckily coincided with a beach vacation we took by ourselves. Shockingly we got EXTREMELY lucky and got our sticky BFP on the first cycle.

This pregnancy had a lot of stressful times in the beginning, but it is finally starting to feel safe to me. I still have many months to go before I really graduate, but I'm very hopeful. I still take Floradix and 1mg folic acid, but stopped the fish oil and chlorella during my morning sickness, and the Chinese herbs as soon as I got my BFP. My next task is to get back to light exercise and yoga/meditation, although I'm already relaxing very well using some guided imagery and affirmation MP3s. Meditation and relaxation is a big deal for me because I can get very stressed and anxious.
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  #3  
January 7th, 2011, 01:11 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,992
i don't have much of a story, but i lost a baby last may of 09 and i got pregnant in march of 2010 and now have a beautiful healthy girl i didn't go through anything to get pregnant, or take anything to stay pregnant. I knew a girl that had 5 losses, and out of nowhere she got pregnant and they baby stuck.
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  #4  
January 7th, 2011, 01:15 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
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I am so sorry for your loss hun! I know how you feel! I had 10 losses and I honestly thought I would never even make it to the 2nd trimester. Every BFP I got was depressing. I joined the DDCs because I wanted to be a part of whatever part of pregnancy I was given, but I knew I wouldn't be there long. I had an attitude of "I wonder how long this one will last" It is really disheartening to lose every single pregnancy. But then I got this miracle baby I am carrying now! I still don't really believe it sometimes! I am trying to enjoy every moment because I know it may be my only pregnancy....

You just have to keep trying different things.... I begged and pleaded for progesterone supplements for about 2 years, and no one would give it to me! The very first pregnancy I had on them is this one. I am really mad no one listened to me sooner! I think you should discuss it with your Dr... See if you and progesterone starting at 3DPO. See if there are any other things you haven't tried!


Have you and your husband been karotyped? It could be a chromosomal thing. even in the world of recurrent loss it's pretty rare (about 4%) but it could be it (My DH has a balanced translocation.

I truly believe that you will get your rainbow baby some day Celena! I know it's hard but just have hope.
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  #5  
January 7th, 2011, 02:39 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,472
I haven't had that many losses. 1 before I really knew what was happening (5wks), then my dd, then a chemical, then 5 pregnancies, then one at 8wks, then a chemical. My problem was never getting pregnant, it was keeping a baby to term, which I have still never done. I haven't lost a lot of babies, but I've lost a lot of pregnancies, if that makes any sense. No one can relate when you have a baby at 25wks because it's not a loss, but yet it is. You never really "graduate". You just move around from one complication to another. You are lucky if you find someone that understands, let alone who has been through what you have. I know there are ladies here that can relate to what you are going through and can give you great advice.

I still believe that you will have your rainbow baby, just like I believe I will have a take home baby. I have to hold on to that hope. It's the only thing that keeps me from just crawling in a hole and crying every day. We each just do everything we can, enjoy the few moments that we have, and pray for the best.
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  #6  
January 7th, 2011, 03:21 PM
kellyanne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Washington
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this again! I know that feeling of "maybe it will never happen" and I remember feeling like I was so broken. I am another person who gets pregnant fairly easily....but then the trouble begins. I had one uncomplicated pregnancy (although I had a major bleed which I thought was AF, so I didn't find out about the pg until 8 weeks), then 3 m/c, one of which required d&c, then Juliana. My pregnancy with Juliana was a complete rollercoaster. I spotted, betas didn't double, I had borderline low progesterone, I had kidney stones requiring hospitalization at 16 weeks and 37 weeks (surgery for stone removal then too). I topped it all off with obstetric cholestatis....a 1/1000 disease that can cause stillbirth! The night I was induced with Juliana I essentially had a nervous breakdown. They told me I needed induction, but our little hospital was full and I'd have to wait 3 more days. I was so scared that after coming all that way, I'd lose her. Hubby called the doc and begged...and she was born perfectly healthy the next day. This pregnancy was a surprise and has been completely uneventful, yet I still find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I wish I could say more to help you...but I agree with the others, it will happen someday, somehow if you keep the faith!
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  #7  
January 7th, 2011, 06:04 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,571
Wow, Erica, 10 losses and you have come so far! Your story is an inspiration to keep trying.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. Keep them coming- they are helpful to me, too.
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Forever missing our angel babies
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  #8  
January 7th, 2011, 09:51 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 744
I am going to jump right in here and out myself on this board and add what I can. I am currently 5 weeks with my 6th pregnancy. I have a 4.5 year old DD, but had one early mc in the cycle before she was conceived and then 3 consecutive losses. To be brutally honest, I am not sure if I know what will work. I am still in the terrified stage of pregnancy where I visit the bathroom every five minutes just to check to see if I am bleeding. I poke myself routinely in the chest and could be causing my own breast tenderness as a result... sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am playing the waiting game without really knowing what to expect. Waiting more often than not for the other shoe to drop. I haven't outed myself on the DDC yet as I simply can't bring my brain to think about a baby... wow I am probably really not helping.

Here's what I will say... I will do everything I can to maximize my chances. I see an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility, which has been an amazing source of comfort for me. I have done the full blood work up from which we discovered that I have a clotting condition that could come into play later on... so I take low dose aspirin and know what to look for if we need to change the procedure. I also have just upped the dosage on my progesterone and I am really hoping this will help this time. When I lost the last one, I found this book by Darci Klein that was very helpful from a clinical perspective. She goes through the experiences of her multiple losses and really explores what tests women need to ask for. To Full Term: A Mother's Triumph ... - Google Books[/url]

Be gentle with yourself. Hugs. It will happen.

Janey

I tried putting the link to the URL for the book, but alas I haven't been active enough yet. It is called To Full Term and you'll find it if you Google.
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  #9  
January 8th, 2011, 04:55 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
I wish I had some awesome advice. I don't.

We started "trying" when I was 26. I have no clue if I had losses along the way because I never tested regularly during those years. I got my first bfp years later. I had a feeling I was late, but was shocked when the bfp was so dark it stole all the color from the test line. My first loss that I know of happened at 14 weeks in March of 2007 I had a home doppler I had rented and decided to check in on my little one (was 12 weeks at that point). I could no longer find the HB Just a week before that I had an ultrasound that showed a healthy baby who was on track for growth. I went in for an ultrasound and my worst fears were confirmed. I decided to let my body do it's thing. My water broke at 14 weeks and I experienced the scariest moments in my life. My clots were so bad I literally could not lift my head off the bathroom floor for two days. I was stubborn and refused to call an ambulance because I didn't want them to take my baby. In the end I never did get to see the child that was growing inside of me. In my state of shock I think I flushed my child. My heart still breaks to think of that, but I can only believe I was not meant to see her(or him).

After that TTC became a roller coaster. I went on to get pregnant again around 8 cycles later. I lost that one fairly early around 7 weeks. Then again maybe 2 cycles later, same thing but around 5 weeks. I had a few other very faint bfps that never went anywhere.

I felt broken. My body seemed to be failing me when it mattered most. I had every test imaginable done. Everything came back normal except the semen analysis.... but even that was borderline not horrible. I sought help from a reproductive endocronologist. Luckily she went straight to the "big guns".. injectable fertility drugs. My first cycle I got pregnant! Then the spotting started. I was put on Prometrium orally and honestly that, B6,baby aspirin, and folic acid proved to be the key for me. Matthew was born in February of 2009. I was 34. My MIRACLE baby was finally in my arms after so many years of trying.

As soon as AF came back we started trying again. I got pregnant when he was 6 months and then when he was 10 months, and then again when he was 11 months. I didn't have any insurance so when I started spotting again I called and BEGGED for a script for Prometrium. Daniel was born in September.

The only two times I have had sucess have been with Prometrium. The folic acid and B6 seemed to help me get pregnant, the Prometrium and baby aspirin seemed to help me stay pregnant.

PAL is heartbreaking but the end result when it does happen makes it all worth it. If you stop trying then you will never have a baby. I guess that is what kept me going. I knew no matter what I was dealt the end result would be amazing once I got there.

For me I had a good cry, sometimes for months, I let all my anger out and then picked myself up and went forward. I knew by giving up it would mean the end of my dreams for a child.

I also bought tons of books. This book BY FAR was the best....

Amazon.com: A Few Good Eggs: Two Chicks Dish on Overcoming the Insanity of Infertility (9780060776817): Julie Vargo, Maureen Regan: Books

The info is great, and the outlook is even better. To read a book that is funny and informative from women who have been though the heartbreak helped me more than anything else. It gave me hope...and that is what I needed more than anything. Hope that it CAN and WILL happen.

Lots of to you. You have been though soooo much and my heart goes out to you.
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Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #10  
January 8th, 2011, 05:13 PM
~LaurenNoel~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Florida
Posts: 7,909
I had my son without any issues. I bled bright red blood through half of the pregnancy, but never had any complications from it. When he was 6 months old, we decided to start trying again. That next month, I felt pregnant and took a test. I had a faint line. A couple days later, I started bleeding heavily. I thought it was the same bleeding I had with my son, but it was a chemical pregnancy. I naturally miscarried. We decided to keep trying, and I was pregnant again the next month. Everything was going great. i had some brown spotting, but everyone said "Brown blood was just old blood and ok". So, I though again everything was fine. I had all the symptoms and was starting to show by the time I had my first u/s at 10 weeks. I had a feeling something was wrong, so I asked DH to wait in the other room. I wasn't surprised when she showed me her, and I could tell she has passed away. The baby passed away weeks before, but my uterus kept growing. I had to have a D&C right away. We waited a month, then I started using opks to avoid pregnancy for a few months. Well, we had sex CD8, and I got a positive opk CD12 (wat early for me). We did not have unprotected sex again, but I was pregnant! So far I had red bleeding again (which apparently is a good thing for me), and baby has been perfect the whole time.

Lots of love and hugs to you Celena!
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///...........................Lauren, wife to Jay, mom to Wesley and Ruby

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Wesley (7.16.09) Severe GERD, FTT, Gastroparesis, Sensory Processing issues, Tube fed, (G tube currently), suspected Mitochondrial Disease, trialing Gastric Stimulator. Nissen Fundoplication 7/2012
Ruby (2.16.11)
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  #11  
January 11th, 2011, 10:17 AM
HippyMomOf4's Avatar Hippy Mom Extraordinaire
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When my daughter was a little over one DH and I decided to try for another baby hoping we would get a little boy. Well first month i got pregnant i was so excited but it ended really quick. I didn't understand it becuase i had two healthy children but i just figured that something wasn't right....we decided to try again right away and got pregnant going on to have another loss which by that point i was very upset. I had a ton of testing done and everything came back normal. It wasn't until almost a year later we got pregnant again and everything was going great until 7 weeks i started bleeding bad and i knew it was going to end, i had a SCH with this pregnancy....i made it to 9 weeks and went to my u/s and the baby had passed. I was so frustrated and didn't understand why this kept happening. We waited a month and then my RE wanted to try clomin, progretrone and baby asprin. So we did that and i got pregnant with my son and finally after 15 months of trying got pregnant with my sticky bean! I was beyond excited but then came all the fears of being pregnant after losses....i made it through though and gave birth to a healthy baby boy in December of 09........flash forward to now here i am pregnant by surprise we were not trying and i didn't have to take and meds or do anything to stay pregnant this time. Our bodies work in odd ways sometimes but i don't think i could have made it through without the support of my family and friends. All together i've went through 4 losses, one before my first and the 3 before i had my son
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  #12  
January 11th, 2011, 11:56 AM
mom2moose
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Hey Celena-

I am sorry for your recent loss. I can understand how angry and sad you must be. Here is my story, although it probably won't be much help:

I started trying to get pregnant at 23. My husband and I tried for 3 years, then he was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gerhrig's Disease and terminal). We continued trying for another 3.5 years until he passed away. We did the testing early on. His turned out fine. I had a few "minor" issues, like titlted uterus, kinked up fallopian tube, cysts on my ovary and i didn't ovulate every month. (My doctor told me I would probably be one of those women that never conceived). When my husband died, all my dreams of ever being a mommy died too.

A year later, I met my now husband. Told him there would be no kids, he got onboard. Two years later I was SHOCKED to get a BFP. Shocked isn't even a strong enough word for how I felt! (He was pretty shocked too. LOL) I had every complication known to man with that pregnancy. My numbers weren't rising, the baby wasn't growing properly, and then the worst: she came out not breathing at birth and it took MINUTES to revive her (which felt like years).

She's a healthy little girl today (and SO worth the wait). Last Jan. we got a surprise BFP (One time w/o a condom, and suddenly I'm a fertile Mrytle). I was not ecstatic, I'll admit, but I got on board. Went in for an ultrasound at 10 weeks to discover no heartbeat. I was still ungodly sick w/ morning sickness at this point so I was blindsided. Apparently, my body didn't realize the baby had died. I had to have a D&C.

I am now 4 weeks pregnant with a planned baby and excited. But nervous too. I worry that I won't know if the baby dies again. But, I will push through, because it's that important to me to have another one.

This is probably unhelpful, but thought I'd share!

Last edited by mom2moose; January 11th, 2011 at 11:58 AM.
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