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having a lot of anxiety..and small update


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 18th, 2011, 06:53 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
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We have about 11 days until we make it past where we lost our Angel. I always have had a mild case of insomnia, but it's been bad since I got my bfp. Going to bed at around 9 but not sleeping until about midnight, and waking up way too early. I wake up when I have had the bare minimum amount of sleep. Usually that's around 5 am or so. I'm tired, but too nervous to go back to sleep. I used to get so nervous I'll literally make myself sick. That hasn't happened yet, but when I was struggling with anxiety issues in school when I was younger, that would happen about every day of the week. I'm afraid of what my anxiety could be doing to the baby. I'm afraid I'll literally worry my child out of me. I'm praying and when I'm staying busy, I'm ok. What are some methods I can use to help calm nerves when I'm trying to sleep?

I know I'm having stronger symptoms than I ever had the first time around. I also wasn't able to turn the urine test in the dr office positive the with my angel, and this one I took yesterday was positive. There was no questioning it. With the date of my last period, he says the EDD is Nov 23.

It's like this is too good to be true. I'm getting attached, but I can't quite let myself truly relax.. BTDT moms- Is this just how pregnancy is after loss? Or do you really feel a sense of relief when you pass milestones?
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  #2  
March 18th, 2011, 07:20 AM
mom2moose
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I don't think you ever truly relax after a loss. I know I haven't completely relaxed yet, and I'm a few weeks past when I had my previosu loss. (I lost it at 10 weeks, last March.)

As for relaxing, if you already have anxiety issues (I do, so I get it. I took Xanax until I started TTC) then you may have a bit of a tougher time. You should definitely mention this to your OB too. They can help you, and maybe talk you through some of your fears.

As for sleeping . . . . . I'm a wee bit of an insomniac also. I've been a little better right now, because I am SO exhausted due to pregnancy. Sometimes I take a half of a Unisom to help. I take a warm bath before bedtime. NO computer or TV an hour before bedtime. Just read or something light.

Hope this helps you a little. I know how scary and difficult it can be. Good luck!!
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  #3  
March 18th, 2011, 07:26 AM
StaceygirlPa's Avatar Waiting for our Miracle.
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I think what you are feeling is totally normal. I agree with Jenny. I don't think you totally relax after a loss. I am having the same anxiety issues. I can't help you with the sleeping since I haven't been sleeping that good myself at night.
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  #4  
March 18th, 2011, 07:31 AM
onedaysoon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm only a BTDT mom is so much as I'm a little ahead of you in weeks. I did find I relaxed a little after I passed the 9 week milestone, but now that I'm up to the 2nd trimester and I've lost my m/s I feel the anxiety again.

The only thing I can suggest is try to stay busy, but I know it's hard. As for with sleep I'm not sure, cause I sleep like a log! Warm milk actually helps me when I can't, or I watch TV (something funny) in the dark, so that makes me drowsy. They say if you can't sleep not to stay in bed cause that makes it worse, so get up and do something.

HTH.
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  #5  
March 18th, 2011, 07:39 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I could have written what you wrote - It is exactly how I am feeling!

You are due the day before me!
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  #6  
March 18th, 2011, 08:19 AM
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I had a lot of insomnia in the beginning, and anxiety too. The anxiety is not good for you (I'm quite sure that mine contributed significantly to my m/s and weight loss), but a sticky bean will stick no matter what your emotional state is.

I wish I had some advice for you that would make it all better, but it's really only time that can do that. When I had insomnia, I would give it a certain amount of time (like 20 minutes) and then I would just get out of bed, go out in the house, and do something, watch TV or do jigsaws on the computer while listening to music, or plan a project, or draw, or read something distracting. Until I was so exhausted that I would just conk out. DH was often worried about me, he doesn't like waking up alone in the bed.

Often, once your big milestone(s) is/are safely in your rearview mirror, the anxiety does lift quite a bit... it was like that for me... I hope it is like that for you...
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  #7  
March 18th, 2011, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2moose View Post
I don't think you ever truly relax after a loss. I know I haven't completely relaxed yet, and I'm a few weeks past when I had my previosu loss. (I lost it at 10 weeks, last March.)

As for relaxing, if you already have anxiety issues (I do, so I get it. I took Xanax until I started TTC) then you may have a bit of a tougher time. You should definitely mention this to your OB too. They can help you, and maybe talk you through some of your fears.

As for sleeping . . . . . I'm a wee bit of an insomniac also. I've been a little better right now, because I am SO exhausted due to pregnancy. Sometimes I take a half of a Unisom to help. I take a warm bath before bedtime. NO computer or TV an hour before bedtime. Just read or something light.

Hope this helps you a little. I know how scary and difficult it can be. Good luck!!
I'm going to start taking a warm bath before bed starting tonight. I already love reading and do quite a bit of it. I'm going to add it to my bed time routine.

I haven't ever taken anything for my anxiety issues. I will definitely talk to my OB. Part of my anxiety is already thinking about the birth of our child and the huge life change. I'm definitely more excited than nervous, but anxiety is anxiety.

Thanks for your advice!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by StaceygirlPa View Post
I think what you are feeling is totally normal. I agree with Jenny. I don't think you totally relax after a loss. I am having the same anxiety issues. I can't help you with the sleeping since I haven't been sleeping that good myself at night.
I don't think I will, either. My husband is staying very positive and is not nervous at all. He understands that I am a little nervous and is being very supportive and patient.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onedaysoon View Post
I'm only a BTDT mom is so much as I'm a little ahead of you in weeks. I did find I relaxed a little after I passed the 9 week milestone, but now that I'm up to the 2nd trimester and I've lost my m/s I feel the anxiety again.

The only thing I can suggest is try to stay busy, but I know it's hard. As for with sleep I'm not sure, cause I sleep like a log! Warm milk actually helps me when I can't, or I watch TV (something funny) in the dark, so that makes me drowsy. They say if you can't sleep not to stay in bed cause that makes it worse, so get up and do something.

HTH.
That's what I'm kinda dreading is the disappearance of some symptoms at the second trimister. I keep checking to make sure my boobs still hurt. That disappeared the day before I lost my Angel.

I drink milk before I go to bed too. I prefer it cold. lol Just about 4 or 5 ounces though. That relaxes me pretty well. If only I could stay asleep in the morning. Usually I can just go back to sleep when Anthony leaves for work in the morning.

Quote:
Originally Posted by missy123 View Post
I could have written what you wrote - It is exactly how I am feeling!

You are due the day before me!
Yay! We're due date buddies!! What baby really comes on his due date anyways? lol
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In loving memory of our angel baby, with us for 4 weeks. Baby went to be with God July 24th, 2009.




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  #8  
March 18th, 2011, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shen7 View Post
I had a lot of insomnia in the beginning, and anxiety too. The anxiety is not good for you (I'm quite sure that mine contributed significantly to my m/s and weight loss), but a sticky bean will stick no matter what your emotional state is.

I wish I had some advice for you that would make it all better, but it's really only time that can do that. When I had insomnia, I would give it a certain amount of time (like 20 minutes) and then I would just get out of bed, go out in the house, and do something, watch TV or do jigsaws on the computer while listening to music, or plan a project, or draw, or read something distracting. Until I was so exhausted that I would just conk out. DH was often worried about me, he doesn't like waking up alone in the bed.

Often, once your big milestone(s) is/are safely in your rearview mirror, the anxiety does lift quite a bit... it was like that for me... I hope it is like that for you...
That's a relief. I was afraid I was literally worrying my baby out of me. I do still need to get control of this somehow.

I get up and usually read until I'm too tired to do so. My husband is one of those people who is snoring 15 minutes after his head hits the pillow. He's supportive and understanding though, which is good.

Sometimes what helps me relax is writing out my feelings. Either as a vent online for others to see or as a piece of paper. This isn't really something that can be talked through though.

I'm hoping the anxiety does lift a bit when I pass the milestone. My loss ticker says 4 weeks, but I thought I was closer to 5 or 6 and the baby stopped developing at 4.
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In loving memory of our angel baby, with us for 4 weeks. Baby went to be with God July 24th, 2009.




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  #9  
March 18th, 2011, 09:12 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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Anxiety is normal. I noticed mine got worse as I neared a milestone and then as I got past it I felt better. I have one major milestone left but even today making it past my second milestone I was imagining my excited post saying we finally are getting our rainbow baby. I have a lot more faith in this pregnancy than my last two. So hopefully your anxiety will get better as you get further along and it becomes more real. Sometimes just not thinking about it helps. Try not to think about the delivery if it makes you anxious. I try to stay distracted or call my BFF when my anxiety gets real bad. Now at 12 weeks I just call the dr for a heartbeat check and that helps tons . But at 10 weeks I called and got an u/s because it got to the point I wasn't sleeping and I was having nightmares. That was my first milestone.

Its hard but we are here for you and we will help you get through this .
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