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Did you wait to tell?


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 19th, 2011, 08:33 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,044
I've already told everyone..family, friends, and announced on FB. I am not one to keep secrets and feel like it would almost be jinxing it to do so...I know I'm in the SUPER minority to do this but am curious to see if anyone else also doesn't wait the 12 weeks before saying anything?? I guess for me, I just figured that even if something DID happen with this pregnancy, I wouldn't keep that a secret anyways so I might as well share the good news right away! Am I alone in this?!
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  #2  
March 19th, 2011, 08:47 PM
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I never waited. I thought the same thing. I would tell them if I lost the pregnancy so why not tell them when I find out about the pregnancy?
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  #3  
March 20th, 2011, 06:57 AM
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I understand the policy of telling people early so that you have the support if things go wrong. But I waited and I'm glad I did.

Word travels fast among our friends and family, but bad news does not travel nearly as fast or as accurately as good news. I was having a lot of complications throughout my first trimester (random scary bleeding incidents, lots of extra u/s). After my big u/s at 14.5 weeks, which sort of explained what all had happened but confirmed that the placenta and baby looked great now and it was all over... then I sent out a mass email and started telling everybody and openly discussing it.

We did tell immediate family and a few close friends early on, though (as soon as it was confirmed to not be a repeat ectopic), but they were under strict orders to keep it under wraps... this was not always entirely successful (FIL has a big mouth)... But we were always able to contain it by conveying that there were problems happening that did not have an explanation or known outcome yet, and we really wanted to wait until we knew more before we told the world.
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  #4  
March 20th, 2011, 07:18 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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I told very select people right away. We told family about 10 weeks and I announced on FB at 12 weeks. I was going to wait until 14 weeks because of our first loss happening at 13 weeks 3 days. But I finally realized I was going to say something if we lost the baby so why not let them share in the joy of our pregnancy. I almost wish I had said something sooner. But it is what it is. I have a lot of confidence that things will be fine so either way it will work out . I think its a very personal choice. Kudos to you for telling everyone. I was just to scared. We even thought about waiting until we knew the gender LOL.
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  #5  
March 20th, 2011, 07:42 AM
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Definitly not trying to put anyone down for not telilng people right away, I completely understand why people make that decision and am not saying it's "wrong" at all. I was just curious to see what others did! Just wanted to clarify that
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  #6  
March 20th, 2011, 07:48 AM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would have probably told people right away, especially since taking care of my sister and seeing my mom so often involves a lot of borderline lying. But my DH would rather wait until we're out of the first trimester, since our loss was at 12w. We are compromising, and waiting until we've had our first u/s at 8 weeks.

I agree, I would tell them about a loss, so why not tell them about the pregnancy?
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  #7  
March 20th, 2011, 07:49 AM
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I told everyone right away. AZSnowflake, we did the same thing, too. That was our exact reasoning.
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  #8  
March 20th, 2011, 07:50 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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I just realized to late it didn't matter . You ladies are so brave .
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  #9  
March 20th, 2011, 08:48 AM
mom2moose
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I told people right away too. My original plan was to wait, and then I realized I wanted to share in the joy, and that if something DID happen, I would tell, so what did it matter? I liked being able to discuss with people my fears.
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  #10  
March 20th, 2011, 09:00 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We told everyone pretty much right away with our 1st 3 pregnancies. #4 we told only my best friend and it was so fast anyway...

At this point we are on pregnancy #5 and it is too hard to tell everyone. They all feel so sorry for me and I don't need their pitty. I did tell my 2 best friends but everyone else we are going to wait on. I am not sure if we will wait for the 12 week mark, we will see how things go.
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  #11  
March 20th, 2011, 10:55 AM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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we told no one except my boss (because my m/s was so severe and required multiple meds) until after our 12 week NT screen/scan confirmed everything was ok...i was less stressed handling it that way, and honestly, if we have another i'd probably do it the exact same way again.
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  #12  
March 20th, 2011, 11:24 AM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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We didn't tell anyone I was pg with our miscarriage and only told my sister a month after it happened. My family isn't very supportive though. With this pregnancy, we didn't even tell the other kids until 20 weeks and still haven't told our families. My sister is the only one who knows but she is the only one that is supportive. If I had my way, no one would know until the baby was actually here.

I think if people I knew were supportive and would at least pretend they were excited for me, we would have told within the first 10 weeks.
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  #13  
March 20th, 2011, 12:10 PM
markswife's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We didn't tell anyone until after 12 weeks. I was devastated having to tell the four people I told when we lost the first baby. I couldn't imagine having to tell any more people the horrible news than absolutely necessary. Plus I didn't want people asking me all the time if I was okay or even worse, whispering about me behind my back or feeling pity for me.
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  #14  
March 20th, 2011, 12:16 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I still have not told anyone IRL. Pregnancy loss and my last pregnancy that resulted in little Mia, was extremely hard on my kids. Im not sure exactly when I will tell my kids, hopefully around 12wks. As for other people/friends/family, probably shortly after them.
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  #15  
March 21st, 2011, 10:57 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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We did not tell anyone (minus doctors) until 7 weeks. Then I told my folks at 7 and his folks at 8 weeks. My intention was to keep it quiet until 16 weeks...but my mom has a HUGE mouth (we got in a huge fight over it) because she told a bunch of people.

Mine was more the same reasons as Missys. We had four losses in a row starting in May of 2010 and I really felt like everyone did not need to know our business. The first couple were really hard to tell people we lost them. So the next couple we kept to close family and even that was painful because they were all so crest-fallen when we kept losing babies and had no idea why. So when we got some answers and got pregnant with this one, we wanted some happiness to ourselves for a while and decided to keep it until around 8 weeks. My mom guessed earlier because I was "acting weird." As of now, at almost 12 weeks, a lot of people know. But not our family (minus the select few) and only a couple friends know. It is more my mom telling her friends and DH's boss and such. We plan to send out Easter announcements with the good news.

I totally think both ways are good. We are not really keeping it be "safe" anymore...we just want to send out the cards because people will be surprised we managed not to slip! Our family is not known for keeping things like that quiet
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