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Ugh how rude!!


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 20th, 2011, 10:03 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 6,097
I have had no intention of telling anyone that I was pregnant (including close family) until the end of May when we go home for my cousins wedding. My mom is a recovering a drug addict and I was a nervous wreck that she could relapse after the last lost not to mention all the pity everyone gave me I think made it worse.

This time around I told my sister, I am going home in April and expect to have morning sickness and I will need to have someone to cover for me and help me out since I won't be acting my normal self. She is really the only person that knows, she thought I would be telling my mom and gram when I came home in April and when i told her this was not the case she was not very supportive. Am I being to protective? Or selfish?
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  #2  
March 20th, 2011, 10:19 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: scotaland
Posts: 453
i dont think you are being either tbh..you are doing what you think is best for you and it doesnt matter what anyone thinks its your choice and i hope she can respect that..maybe she was just a bit taken back that you decided to wait and when she has thought bout it she will be more supportive..good luck and enjoy seeing your family again
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  #3  
March 20th, 2011, 12:22 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
I guess she just doesn't understand. Did you explain more about how you don't want to stress out your mom and don't want the pity if you do have a loss? I wouldn't just get mad at her, I would try to help her understand.

Now that she knows, it is up to her discretion to not let anyone else know. You should really have a heart-to-heart with her so you are on the same page. Otherwise she may find ways to drop hints and let them know anyway. You know your sister best so only you can know whether she would keep the secret even if she didn't think it should be a secret.

I had people find out who I didn't want to find out, due to plain ole "loose lips" on my FIL's part, and it was very aggravating, we had to explain to them all the drama going on, when I would have preferred to not deal with that. But once I did that, they understood and did not tell anyone else (or if they did, I didn't hear about it, which is good enough!)
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  #4  
March 20th, 2011, 12:25 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 6,097
She understands and she won't tell anyone and she did say she will help cover for me if I go MIA for a little if I am feeling sick but she is one of those people that only thinks of herself and never having children or losing someone that close to her she will never understand how hard it is telling people that you lost the baby and having people feel sorry for you
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  #5  
March 20th, 2011, 01:05 PM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,756
I have had members of my family feel offended because we decided not to tell everyone right away. I honestly think it's ridiculous. When to share the news is a decision between a husband and wife, and everyone else's opinion is unnecessary. I agree that now that your sister knows, it is worthwhile to make sure you are on the same page. But her reaction should not make you reconsider your decision.
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  #6  
March 20th, 2011, 01:11 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Well Said Nicole. I agree.

I am sorry that the conversation did not go the way you planned.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
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  #7  
March 20th, 2011, 01:33 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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Location: Washington
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My sister was told, not really because I wanted to but more because I am not a good liar. And she did nothing but bug me about telling my parents. I didn't want to hear the stupid comments from my dad or have my mom worry so I wasn't going to tell them until later. Turns out my sister told my dad weeks before I did. Gah family sucks. I think it should be up to you and no one else.
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