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Loss Nightmares


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
May 10th, 2011, 08:36 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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Is anyone else haveing loss nightmares?

Mine are so vivid and real and I wake up so upset. I haven't had one in awhile. I can only guess that the cause is two reasons, 1 that I have an appointment today and 2 that someone mentioned how relaxed I seem lately. And that makes me worry. It was right when I relaxed and got excited that we lost our first so everytime I go shopping and am happy and excited I get a little freaked out. So having someone notice that I am more relaxed might have freaked me out along with my appointment today. Seems dumb I am sure but I don't know what else to think. I hope today goes fast so I can hear the heartbeat and feel better. She is of course being super quiet today and that doesn't help. Sometimes this road we travel seems so unfair. I have kept every reciept and all the tags on all of the items. I never did that before . I wish that none of us had to be here but I am thankful I have you ladies who understand. Or at least don't tell me what a nut job I am
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  #2  
May 10th, 2011, 08:47 AM
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It is one of the more insidious aspects of anxiety that just when you are starting to get better, it can make you feel guilty for NOT feeling anxious I know for me, I would get similar feelings but I'd almost like be mad at myself. Like I was gonna be a sucker again, or something. I worked on this a lot because I can't go into a natural childbirth holding on to so much anxiety and negativity. I've gotten to a pretty healthy point now where I just focus on what I *do* have control over - taking care of myself and the baby as best I can - and realizing that is ALL I can do. And no matter what happens, I will know that I did my very best to give my baby the best possible chance at life.

Now that I write it down, I realize that some of that sounds exactly like my affirmations and guided imagery for pregnancy... wow!!! I think that stuff really works!!! Do you have anything like that, Jess? I know hypnobabies and hypnobirthing has similar stuff as well...
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  #3  
May 10th, 2011, 09:51 AM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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I don't but am thinking it might help. I just am so afraid to let my guard down and be hurt again. I already love this baby so much and am so afraid of losing her . I worry about all sorts of stuff. But some of that is in my control like driving, I can control how fast and how crazy I drive. But really I just need to focus on the good and not think that I will cause a loss by being happy about my baby. Seems dumb but ultimatly that is what it comes down to . Thanks Shen. I will look into the hypnobabies stuff and see what I can find.
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  #4  
May 10th, 2011, 10:26 AM
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I had one Sunday night. My phone rang and it was the nurse "Lindsey I am so sorry but your numbers went down instead of going up".
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  #5  
May 10th, 2011, 12:49 PM
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I had one about spotting/bleeding a week ago or so. It's hard.

Here are some things I'm hestitating on buying until I see the heartbeat (tomorrow??):
- A toddler tee shirt announcing that my son will be a big brother
- Some Earth Mama Angel Baby morning wellness tea. I have some from July that I'm drinking now but I will need some more. I don't want to order until I know there's a good heartbeat tomorrow.
- Some more preggie pop drops. I am out as of today but I don't want to get anymore and have them staring me in the face.
- Using birthday gift cards to buy bigger/maternity clothes (Target, Kohls)

I have nothing with tags so far.
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  #6  
May 10th, 2011, 03:51 PM
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I did a lot with Erin all through the pregnancy. I did a lot with Patrick at the end (since I went past my loss point and dreamed he was stillborn every night).

I've lucked out so far that I haven't had one yet. But since we're planning on inducing a week past my loss point I'm expecting some later.

I'm like Shen, I tell myself "As far as I know, everything is okay right now," and I just focus on right now. I can't think too far ahead or I start getting anxious.
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  #7  
May 10th, 2011, 03:54 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had one last night, well kind of...I went down to the UW in seattle for an appointment, and they told me I had to have the baby....It was too early for the baby to live, but they forced me to have my water broken, and I was freaking out because no one would help me, or call my regular doctor...It was so scary
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  #8  
May 11th, 2011, 07:23 PM
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I have had so many nightmares that it is not funny.

I have had multiple dreams that I start pooring blood in a wide variety of situations.

I have also had a ton of crazy dreams about ultrasounds. I had one dream where the elevator kept going to every floor other than the one I needed to be on. Then I tried to climb the stairs but they started falling down under me.

I also had one where I was laying on the table and a man busted in and said I stole his spot and he was going to shoot me, so I had to fight him to get my spot, then 20 people got in front of me in line.

The worst was last night, I went to a vet that I used to work for and she gave me an ultrasound. She told me "You are having twins, but one of them isn't going to make it so don't get used to the idea"

I have never had such crazy dreams but these are driving me batty.
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  #9  
May 12th, 2011, 07:44 AM
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I have had some lately...and they are really scaring me I guess it is very normal, maybe has to do with the attachment aspect. And the feeling calm during the day aspect. I always feel guilty if I am feeling "okay" about things. Like the rug will come out from underneath me.

I have been using some mental games with myself that sound a lot like Shens. I just tell myself I am controlling all I have control of and that I have to trust that things will happen how they are supposed to happen. I am a control-freak by nature, so it is hard to tell myself to let it go. But it does help and make me feel more calm. I also find when I am more mentally tense, I don't notice the cool little things like I would if I was calm (such as someone commenting on "my boys" or feeling Kieran have the hiccups). And I try to treat myself everyday, little things like watching a favorite show, going for a decaf coffee frap, or just sitting for 20 minutes and feeling Kieran move around.

The latest dreams are just like Megan's though...which is weird. I have had three or four recently about having to have the baby now...even though they know he would not make it. And in them I am always powerless. So I think that is the ultimate message, I don't have control and no matter how much I try to take it...I am still not the one who is going to make or prevent something from happening.

But I do get it. I am in that same boat, being a week behind you. I am finally calming down and getting seriously attached to this little boy. The idea of him not making it is physically sickening. I hope you continue to feel calm during the day...that can only help matters
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  #10  
May 12th, 2011, 09:40 AM
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I just had my first one last night
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