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Does it irratate you (prev losses mentioned)


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
August 29th, 2011, 04:50 PM
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I have been having a rough couple weeks, I am trying to stay positive and look at everything through rose colored glasses but I am depressed due to personal issues. To make matters worse, facebook has been so great at giving me those "on this day a year ago" status updates just so happens this is about the time I would have gotten my BFP from the loss. Today I would have been 5 weeks.

I posted something about it on my wall and how it was a smack in the face and someone commented saying that I needed to think positive it...*** I am sorry but I don't see any positive in a loss, don't get me wrong I love the child that I am carrying and I am very thankful that my ttc journey was not hard but I miss my angel and I never will forget her and will always think what if, even though if I did not lose the baby I would not be pregnant now. Why do people without loses think that it is so easy to get over a lost baby. I am so irritated!
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  #2  
August 29th, 2011, 05:34 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I run into the same problem. I did before I got pregnant, too. There is just no positive about losses. I was even pushed to get professional help by my MIL. I really didn't need it or want it. Talking to a perfect stranger about very deep emotions? No thanks. She happens to take well to professional help, but not me. She wouldn't drop it and neither did her daughter. She was like oh why don't you just try it, you'll never know if you don't. I wasn't interested. That answer wasn't good enough for them. Too bad I live in the same small town as them. People who haven't experienced it don't know what it's like. At first the crap they'd say really bothered me. I eventually said to myself, as I moved through the various stages of grief, that I'll thank them for their kind words and ridiculous advice, and move on. (leaving out the ridiculous part of course. lol) I know how you feel. It's beyond irritating.
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  #3  
August 29th, 2011, 06:04 PM
luvmykids623's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It irritates the hell out of me! There is no positive, I don't care what kind of spin they try to put on it. My mom is real good for pointing out if I hadn't had my first and second losses that I wouldn't have DS and DD. I get that, and I love my kids more than life itself, but I still miss the babies I lost before each one of them with every fiber of my being. The worst part is she's had a loss. She likes to point that out, but it's clear that it doesn't mean to her what it does to me. She tries to dismiss my 3 losses like she does her own. GRRRRRR! Some people will never understand!
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  #4  
August 29th, 2011, 06:19 PM
KaiyaRae'sMomma's Avatar Forever missing Kaiya Rae
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I just try to remind myself that people who have not experienced a loss like ours...just don't get it. They can't possibly get it, and I give them the ignorance card for that. But yes, it does still bother me!!
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  #5  
August 29th, 2011, 06:24 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
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I had someone tell me that I had told them that "I love being pregnant"...It was something that I have never said. There is hardly any positives about pregnancy. There is nothing positive about losses. I have said things like, "I love feeling kicks" or "I am glad I am pregnant". I suffer from depression too. It has been extremely hard this pregnancy to have a hint of positive. It would only be harder if everyone around me was telling me to enjoy it and stay positive. It is too hard to do most of the time.
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  #6  
August 29th, 2011, 06:33 PM
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It irritates me too!
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  #7  
August 29th, 2011, 06:45 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am glad that they do not fully understand the pain and worry we go through. ((hugs Jessica))
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  #8  
August 29th, 2011, 07:27 PM
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I am sorry that someone was insensitive. People that haven't been through it don't understand. And some people that have been through it don't process it the same way. It doesn't bother my sister at all that she lost a baby. A couple weeks ago I flat out told her look I don't deal like you do so lets just not talk about it.
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  #9  
August 29th, 2011, 07:38 PM
Cheshire's Avatar Mommy to three beauties!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica121706 View Post
To make matters worse, facebook has been so great at giving me those "on this day a year ago" status updates
I'm upset about the same thing. They really don't think features through before they add them. I'm sorry. I haven't had to deal with AS MUCH ignorance when it comes to the loss but I'm so numb to it now, but I do tend to bite back if they catch me in the wrong mood...
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  #10  
August 30th, 2011, 02:53 AM
Shadeauxe's Avatar It's me
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Different people handle things differently, but thats no excuse for being insensitive. I mean I handled my loss way differently than everyone in here but I have the sense to know not to say something like that. Sorry she hurt you feelings.
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  #11  
August 30th, 2011, 03:34 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadeauxe View Post
Different people handle things differently, but thats no excuse for being insensitive. I mean I handled my loss way differently than everyone in here but I have the sense to know not to say something like that. Sorry she hurt you feelings.
I agree! Everyone handles things differently and some people just don't "get it". ((HUGS))
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  #12  
August 30th, 2011, 07:10 AM
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Ugh- people who haven't been through a loss just can't understand it. We aren't replacing the angels we lost and we don't all heal the same way. I also could not deal with therapy while for some women it may really help.

I can't stand when people hear I'm having a girl and say "Doesn't it make all the losses worth it because if you hadn't lost the other babies you would never have had a girl?" Um - NO! I do consider the fact that this one is a girl the icing on the cake of a healthy pregnancy. But I'd give that up in a heartbeat to go back and have my second ds and erase this entire year and half of heartbreak.
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