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Feeling kind of sad...


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
September 12th, 2011, 09:14 PM
jennybunny82's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Fort Benning, GA
Posts: 1,740
I think I said something today that upset one of my other JM mommy friends. I was joking about how when someone says "oh youre pregnant? Congrats!" and then I in a smart *** way respond... "yay lucky me." I only said it cuz I have horrible morning sickness and I feel like crap. But anyways... I think maybe I offended her because she had to save up and get fertility treatments and stuff and I explained that I really am not that laid back about this pregnancy. I treasure every moment of it, but until today, I have been completely detached from the pregnancy. I don't think I gave myself enough time to heal and process after my loss.

But today I was trying on maternity clothes and my belly looked so round and I felt more pregnant and I started feeling like maybe it's ok this time. DS is rubbing my belly and saying "baby" and driving his cars over my belly. DH looks at me like I'm the pretties thing ever (he likes pregnant women's bodies). I think maybe it's time to accept my pregnancy...

Sorry it was just a vent for upsetting my friend and just feeling guilty because I wasn't connected to my baby. Is it normal???
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  #2  
September 12th, 2011, 09:23 PM
Cheshire's Avatar Mommy to three beauties!
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My DH, who was hit just as hard as I was with our loss (the crying for months, all of it) definitely had trouble connecting this time. He really didn't start connecting until we reached our loss point (13+ weeks) and even then, until kicks were good and hard, he still seemed so nervous.

I think it's absolutely normal not to want to connect for fear of loss. I tried to connect right away, out of guilt.
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  #3  
September 12th, 2011, 11:00 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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What you are feeling is totally normal. Sorry you upset someone. Sometimes its hard to convey your true feelings over the internet.
Glad you are feeling more connected now.
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  #4  
September 13th, 2011, 04:44 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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((HUGS)) Sometimes things over the internet get mixed up. Glad things are okay now.
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  #5  
September 13th, 2011, 05:14 AM
Mommy2Makenna's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Florida
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The disconecting is TOTALLY normal. I was very disconnected all the way until my dd was born. The moment she first cried, I still was a little disconnected -- my first thought was... "she has lived long enough to at least get a birth certificate". I still wasn't convinced she was going home with me. (And all of this was with very little to no complications with pregnancy, labor and delivery). Then they put my sweet baby girl on my chest. It was the first I really connected.

I tend to do the same thing with this pregnancy. I still get lingering feelings of doom. After a loss, it is just different. I'm sorry you offended your friend. I hope everything is OK now.
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  #6  
September 13th, 2011, 07:13 AM
Shadeauxe's Avatar It's me
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Location: Massachusetts
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I have not fully connected yet. I know it is my mind shielding me. It's very good at doing that in every aspect of my life. The downside is that it's harder for me to give emotions to anyone, my son being the only exception. I have a weird mind, but it's working for me, so I am not going to meddle with it.
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  #7  
September 13th, 2011, 09:42 AM
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What you're feeling is normal. I got very attached to our Angel the moment I saw the bfp. DH was a little slower to get attached simply because of the shock of it all, but he did get there and grieved just as hard as I did when he died (early loss, but strong feeling it was a boy).

I got attached to my little girl the moment I found out I'm pregnant with her and so did DH. I was trying not to let myself, but I knew that I would forever regret not loving her with every ounce of my being if her time here was short. When I came to that realization (right around 3 days after finding out, so ~4weeks), boom, head over heals for my sweet little Lily who's a healthy and active 30 weeks right now.

Everyone reacts differently. Some people don't always understand others' reactions, but we can at least respect them. What's normal for you probably wasn't what's normal for her. There's THE norm and YOUR norm. Your norm is normal for you and her norm is normal for her. KWIM? I hope I made some sense.
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  #8  
September 13th, 2011, 02:51 PM
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I also felt very detached from this pregnancy for a while...probably til about 18 weeks or so. I think it's completely normal!
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  #9  
September 13th, 2011, 04:06 PM
JesSsica's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: northern Indiana
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I can relate. I feel very detached myself and I'll be 13 weeks tomorrow. I refer to "the h/b", "my round belly", things like that more than I think of the baby itself. I think I'm safe guarding myself from the what-ifs.

We haven't even really talked about names other than joking about ridiculous ones we would never use because I think my dh and I both are still scared because of my losses.

It's hard being pregnant after loss. Don't beat yourself up. I'm sure your friend will forgive you especially if she knows things from your point of view. =)
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