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Bitterness (whiny vent)


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
December 1st, 2011, 07:47 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,039
I hate that my losses have made me bitter toward my pregnant friends. When one of them complains about some pregnancy symptom on facebook, I just want to reply, "But you're getting a baby out of it, so why are you complaining?"

And I hate that I can't even rejoice in my own pregnancy symptoms because both of my losses involved puking even after the baby had died. I hate that in the back of my mind I have to think that I might be miserable and unable to feed my children without gagging for nothing.

So I'm bitter that my friends whine about nausea or swollen ankles without realizing how lucky they are to be having a healthy baby. And I hate that my own pregnancy misery means nothing about the outcome of this pregnancy. And I hate that my losses have made me feel this way.
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  #2  
December 1st, 2011, 08:04 AM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
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Location: Texas
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I'm sorry. I understand what you mean, but at the same time I understanding the whining from the pregnant people. It took me well over 3 years to even get where I am today, and I told myself that I would never complain about being pregnant (which I don't), but I have never experienced such terrible all day sickness and pain with a pregnancy before, so I tend to dislike it. I would never trade it in for not being pregnant though. I find it all worth it, but I also find that I am misreble and I make everyone around me misreble too because all I want to do is lay on the couch and hug my bottle of Zophran.

I know it is hard not to be terrified of losing another pregnancy though. I am still terrified of losing this baby even though I hear the h/b on the doppler everytime I use it. Losses change us, and unforntunately they do make us bitter. I cannot even enjoy the fact that I am pregnant now, and fear now rules my days. I am cranky and mean, and way over protective about what I do for fear of hurting the baby.

Just know that alot of the people who do complain, don't mean anything bad towards you about it. I know it is hard, but at least here you have people who understand.
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  #3  
December 1st, 2011, 08:17 AM
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I tend to agree with Lindsey. I too, was sick and nauseous with both of my losses, I am sick this time too, everyone says, oh, that is a good sign, maybe, but not to me. It's so hard to hear people whine, but at the same time, I when I am miserable, I think, ugh, this sucks, while at the same time, I say (and DH does too), I am also glad that so far, I have a healthy baby with a hb, that so far the sickness is a good thing. The other thing that has me so worried, is that I had seen a hb with my last loss, the hb stopped just a few days later and when the u/s tech said with this pg, there is the hb, I was excited for seconds, then the worry started again...it doesn't go away unfortunately, but as Lindsey said, the tables also turn once we are back in that position.

I actually did tell someone once on FB right after my loss "at least that baby is healthy", I felt horrible for hitting the enter button, but she was complaining about non-issues, not swollen ankles or nausea, I forget what it was, oh, the baby moving a lot - really?! That is what I look forward to, even if it keeps me awake, because that will be my peace of mind!
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  #4  
December 1st, 2011, 08:26 AM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
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I know what you mean. It is so hard to hear people complain. I had a friend with a loss that complained about her pregnancy so much (as I was going through losses) and I just wanted to tell her to shut the H3ll up! So yeah, it sucks, but everything you feel is completely valid.
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  #5  
December 1st, 2011, 10:33 AM
lindsey2000k's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by humnck View Post
I tend to agree with Lindsey. I too, was sick and nauseous with both of my losses, I am sick this time too, everyone says, oh, that is a good sign, maybe, but not to me. It's so hard to hear people whine, but at the same time, I when I am miserable, I think, ugh, this sucks, while at the same time, I say (and DH does too), I am also glad that so far, I have a healthy baby with a hb, that so far the sickness is a good thing. The other thing that has me so worried, is that I had seen a hb with my last loss, the hb stopped just a few days later and when the u/s tech said with this pg, there is the hb, I was excited for seconds, then the worry started again...it doesn't go away unfortunately, but as Lindsey said, the tables also turn once we are back in that position.

I actually did tell someone once on FB right after my loss "at least that baby is healthy", I felt horrible for hitting the enter button, but she was complaining about non-issues, not swollen ankles or nausea, I forget what it was, oh, the baby moving a lot - really?! That is what I look forward to, even if it keeps me awake, because that will be my peace of mind!
Im with you and it upsets me when people complain about the silly things like baby kicked or had hickup and woke them up last night. Or when they start complaning about weight gain and not being able to button your pants.... your pregnant what did you think was going to happen?
I do feel bad for people who are truly having major issues with pregnancy that is not just typical issues.

I am dealing with some painful issues right now but know its just pregnancy related and I keep telling myself this to shall pass and its all worth it as long as I get a healty baby out of the deal.
But I am not blasting my issues on facebook so my non pregnant freinds have to see them all day. I also dont get on there compaining all day long about Madison. I have a bunch of friends who have had losses and still not pregnant or have a child yet and a couple who cannot even get pregnant so my back talking 4 year old gets under my skin but I would not trade her for the world and know they would just love to be in my shoes.
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  #6  
December 1st, 2011, 11:07 AM
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My friends who have a hard enough pregnancy to justify public whining are the ones that don't whine. I have a friend that every single week posts an update about how she's still queasy. I'm not talking about hyperemesis here, just the typical stuff for pregnancy.

And I do get the need to complain once in a while, but it seems like facebook isn't the best place to do it. They should complain to their close friends or family or something. Not to their entire friends list. Especially since it kind of rubs the pregnancy into the face of their infertile friends/friends dealing with miscarriages.
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  #7  
December 1st, 2011, 01:08 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I admit, I do a fair amount of pregnancy complaining. But I try to have 2 positives for every negative (which is the SAME negative every time...lol) When it made it to facebook it was on my particularly bad days (which, MY particularly bad days are way worse than the worst of normal pregnancy sickness days). But yeah, I too have friends who complained about the stupidest little things like it was the end of the world and I just wanted to step into the room and say "ahem, you have no idea what a bad pregnancy feels like." And that's even without the loss factored in.

But I think ungrateful complainers are one of my pet peeves in general, not just pregnancy related.
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  #8  
December 1st, 2011, 06:09 PM
Mamacc's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah I totally agree that it's extremely annoying when people whine about being pregnant, especially when it's the minor little things. I can understand if it's a serious problem but people complain about the most mundane things!!
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  #9  
December 3rd, 2011, 06:09 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Ignorance is bliss! I envy those who have never felt the grief of losing ones child. I did my share of complaining with my pregnancies but my first loss has changed me forever and now I don't care how many aches and pains I'll have, I look at pregnancy in a totally different light.
People just like to complain and unfortunately, unless you have been in someone elses shoes you just don't know how it makes them feel.
I'm sorry that you are not able to enjoy your new pregnancy. I didn't let myself get attached to my rainbow baby until I was past the 12 weeks and saw her on the u/s alive and bouncing around.
PAL is hard, as anyone here will tell you. Please don't let that take away from you enjoying your pregnancy. HUGS!
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  #10  
December 4th, 2011, 01:57 AM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trish36 View Post
Ignorance is bliss! I envy those who have never felt the grief of losing ones child. I did my share of complaining with my pregnancies but my first loss has changed me forever and now I don't care how many aches and pains I'll have, I look at pregnancy in a totally different light.
People just like to complain and unfortunately, unless you have been in someone elses shoes you just don't know how it makes them feel.
I'm sorry that you are not able to enjoy your new pregnancy. I didn't let myself get attached to my rainbow baby until I was past the 12 weeks and saw her on the u/s alive and bouncing around.
PAL is hard, as anyone here will tell you. Please don't let that take away from you enjoying your pregnancy. HUGS!

I am really sorry that you are not able to enjoy being pregnant, we have all loss that blissful innocence and know how you feel.

I just wanted to add that I think the whining and complaining is a result of feeling invisible and ignored. On JM anf FB the negatives get the attention. If someone posts they are stressed or have an issue people rally to them, if they are happy and positive all they get is likes. And even your comment of "at least the baby is healthy is preferable to a couple likes.
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  #11  
December 4th, 2011, 04:09 AM
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I do my fair share of complaining this late into pregnancy, I'm ashamed to admit, even after everything I've bee through. But i try to keep most of my complaining to my dh and close friends that have not been through pregnancy loss - never on facebook. The friends that have been where i was a year ago, i would never complain to, but mostly because I've been there and understand their pain. Luckily, most people don't, which is a good thing, but can be so frustrating.
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  #12  
December 4th, 2011, 07:02 AM
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I completely understand how you feel!! Quite a few of my friends are pregnant and it seems like all that they do is complain about being pregnant!! I refused to complain during this pregnancy!! We went through hell when our babies died and I am so very thankful for our little rainbow and I have tried to make the best out of this pregnancy!!
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