[silverlife]

I've been having so many bad dreams relating to the pregnancy lately. I had one the other day that I was in the exam room after the anatomy scan and the doctor came in and told me, "I'm sorry, but your baby is very, very sick." They've all been around that theme, that the anatomy scan reveals bad news: that my baby will likely die even before birth, or shortly after birth, or have to have lots of surgeries in his/her first year. The most recent one was Down Syndrome markers, a cleft palate, and heart abnormalities.

My anatomy scan is in 2 weeks and I'm petrified that these nightmares will become reality. All those things that most women don't worry about because they think, "Oh, that will never happen to me." I remember telling my therapist after the 1st loss how it had changed me to think, "Babies die. My baby died. These things can and do happen--and they are just as likely to happen to me as anyone else."

I feel like I'm engulfed in fear lately. I know I ought to go on antidepressants because this untreated depression is just getting worse and worse. But I just can't bring myself to do it while I'm still pregnant. I keep telling myself, "Just a little over 5 more months. You just have to wait 5 more months and then you can get the medication you need." And these dreams aren't helping at all. I wake up every morning with a clenched jaw from the stress of the dreams.

I used to think that it was the physical discomfort of being 8-9 months pregnant that gets a woman ready to be done and ready to give birth. I'm now thinking that the emotional toll of 8-9 months of pregnancy hormones must also play a roll. I've had 41 weeks of pregnancy in the last 1.5 years with a little over 22 weeks left to go and I'm ready to be done and have all the hormones go back to normal.

[humnck]

I would honestly have to say that you might want to talk to your doc about the depression, the meds may be less harmful to baby than the depression/stress that is happening to you because of the worries. It is so hard not to worry, but when it consumes you, that is when you also have to think about what that could be doing to baby. I am sorry that you are going through so much stress and hope that the anatomy scan will ease all of those (or most) fears/stressors!

HUGS!!!

[missy123]

Hey sweetie. I am sorry you are having these dreams. I went through the same thing and had horrible dreams right up until she was born. I got off my depression meds the day I got my bfp and fought through the pregnancy without them. My doctor said it would be safe to take them but I was determined to do what was best for my baby.

Honestly, I should have taken them (even at a lower dose) as I ended up with crazy hard PPD. I didn't get to enjoy the first month + of her life as I should have as I was wrapped up in a black cloud of depression.

Talk to your doctor and take his/her advice. Taking the meds may be better not only for you, but for your baby as well.

[Pitridge]

I'm sorry you are having these dreams...It does not make the anxiety of PAL any easier. I have those dreams and those thought pretty often and it scares the heck out of me, so I think we all go through that.
I would also suggest talking to your doctor, maybe they can give you a lower dose of the meds.

[silverlife]

I am beginning to wonder if the stress of depression is about the same negative impact that anti-depressants would have. One thing I worry about is the withdrawal that baby would go through at birth from no longer getting SSRIs. Having a newborn is hard enough without the baby being crabbier than typical from medication withdrawal.

My current plan is to go on them immediately after birth. I would be fine with talking to my doctor about starting now except that she's on leave for two months. I would completely trust my doctor on this subject. I don't have that same trust built with the other doctors at the clinic.

[missy123]

A few things to ask your doctor:

- How much of the medicine is actually going to the baby through the placenta? I was amazed to find out how little of my migraine meds went through to the baby.

- Is there an anti-depressent that you can take that doesn't have such a hard withdrawl effect? I took Paxil many years ago and coming off of it was like (what I imagine) coming off a cocaine addiction must be like. It was horrible!! I take Welbutrin now and there is very little withdrawl for me.

[silverlife]

I was once on Effexor XR and that was a horrible one to come off of! Coming off of a higher dose of Celexa wasn't much fun either. I think the anti-depressant of choice during pregnancy is zoloft, but I'll have to ask.

[momof6lopez]

I wish I had words of wisdome for you, but I dont. I also was succumbed by fear during my pregnancy with my last two. It was so bad, I just developed anger issues...angry at everyone who did not understand. I did go through with no meds, just like you.......for fear that my anxiety would be worse wondering what the effect of the pills were having on my baby.......I thought my anxiety would be worse. I will never know obviously, and my dr. had no clue. I never discussed it with him. I always put on a brave face for appts.

I did try and block as much as I could, I tried to enjoy the little things as much as possible. Tried real hard to tell myself I was doing everything possible to have a healthy baby, and there was nothing else I could do better. I wish I could say it got better at the end, but that was worse for me than in the begging and middle. I made it through PP without meds, but barley. I just pray my kids will not be this stubborn when there older, but Im sure they will be just like me!

I hope you can pull through it and find some time to enjoy a little along the way....thinking about you and just wanting to let you know that your not alone in how you feel or how your handeling it.

[ladysakura721]

im sorry your so stressed its so hard going through pal most people just dont understand i was in a panic last week waiting for my gender scan once it was over it helped a bit but then my nightmares came back only this time about my husband leaving me and we are newlyweds ! i think our hormones do a big number on our moods and our subconscious runs with it talk to your doc if it helps or maybe try meditating before sleep to get rid of some of the everyday stress weather this time of year can play a part as well