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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  • 2 Post By lindsey2000k

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  #1  
March 8th, 2012, 08:42 AM
Jessghetti's Avatar New Mommy in Training
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So I am getting kind of fed up from some of the advice women have been giving me about motherhood and pregnancy. It seems they are dismissive of what I try to explain are my experiences with this current pregnancy - so I always end up hearing long-winded stories about what they went through. Which would be fine, but the manner of how they are doing it is really frustrating!

I also try to ask questions about little things in the pregnancy, like growing pains and someone who hasn't had a child in 9 or 10 years dismisses it off as 'Oh well I never had that, you are just over-thinking things and you are going to loose the baby with all that worrying.'

It's SO aggravating!
I know every woman experiences pregnancy a little differently, but seriously what is with these women and talking down to me? Yeah I know I am a first time mom, but my experience shouldn't be criticized so much.

Right now I almost feel disconnected from the pregnancy, like sometimes I feel it can't really be there.
Like the baby isn't really happening sometimes and I hate that.
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  #2  
March 8th, 2012, 09:12 AM
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i know what you mean i find the women treat me so much wores then men do at my job there are some things i cant do any more and other women say things like oh well when i was pregnant i did this or that etc things the doctor told me were big no no's
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  #3  
March 8th, 2012, 09:19 AM
lindsey2000k's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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For some reason once a woman gives birth most of them think its there god given right to share bad storys or tell other woman what is normal or not just based on what happen to them. I am sure I have been gulty of giving parenting advice to freinds in the past.

As for feeling discountected to your pregnancy its hard to really have a connection for me until well into the end of the second trimester or 3rd trimester. For me until that baby is kicking my all day, pushing on my ribs and making me hurt its not real..lol


I hope it goes fast for you and you can start to feel better about your pregnancy.
LindseyE117 and ashj_1218 like this.
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  #4  
March 8th, 2012, 09:43 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had some women telling me their stories but I think most people that really know me, know that I don't care to listen to it unless I ask.
Don't listen to them, some women will do it just to put you down. Some women will do it because you are getting attention and they are not. You will feel more connected when you start feeling the baby move.
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  #5  
March 8th, 2012, 12:28 PM
Jessghetti's Avatar New Mommy in Training
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladysakura721 View Post
i know what you mean i find the women treat me so much wores then men do at my job there are some things i cant do any more and other women say things like oh well when i was pregnant i did this or that etc things the doctor told me were big no no's
Yeah I actually get criticized for being too cautious and trying to avoid certain things. I get women complaining at me saying 'Oh I ate/drank this and that when I was pregnant and my kid is fine!'

It's my body and it's not like I am doing anything wrong by avoiding certain things that is advised not to do when pregnant. Maybe it's because it's a PAL or something, I just feel better knowing I am doing everything I can to help the baby.

Also, I think maybe because I am not showing yet and haven't gotten to the point of feeling the baby kick - it sort of just seems like the baby isn't as noticeable. In the first trimester you always have the symptoms of pregnancy every day- like the nausea and vomitting to remind you, not that I miss doing that of course.
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Last edited by Jessghetti; March 8th, 2012 at 12:31 PM.
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  #6  
March 8th, 2012, 12:37 PM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My grandma reminds me every time she sees me how when she was pg she did and that, and cares for her kids and husband and everything was fine (I will have to argue that point, but for the sake of not arguing I leave it) and I need help?
Guidelines change, something that it was to take when pg 10 years (or even less) ago it's a no no now. You know what I tell my grandma, stop being stuck in the 1950s and come to the 2000s, that normally shuts her up I know it's mean but it irritates the crap out of me.
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  #7  
March 8th, 2012, 06:36 PM
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I don't have any experience with this but I just wanted to tell you that I hope that you get to enjoy your pregnancy soon and I'm sorry your having to deal with that!
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  #8  
March 9th, 2012, 07:14 AM
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I agree with Lindsay. Once women have a child, they become experts on everything! And not all women, obviously. But a vast majority have the affliction. And it seems they love to give "advice" to first time moms. As though it will help in the least.

I do think part of what you are experiencing is PAL related. The unreality, waiting for the other shoe to drop, anxiety is mostly related to that (in my personal experience). But a lot of the concerns about body changes are just normal to pregnancy. Even second and fifth time moms experience questions and new symptoms. I had some killer round ligament pain in the first tri with my second...and never had a hint of it with my first, so naturally I was concerned and wanted reassurance that it was normal. Find your "few" people who are truly supportive and ease your mind and stick with them for questions or concerns. It won't prevent other women from telling you their horror stories (wait til you start showing and random women tell you their terrifying ordeal with an emergency c-section....I am not even remotely kidding), but you will at least get your reassurance for real questions from someone you trust and respect their opinion.

Hate to say it, but it will probably get worse rather than better. But it is good practice for when the baby gets here. You will get tons of well-meaning advice then too.
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