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I guess I should update on us...(VERY long)


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
March 25th, 2012, 07:05 PM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
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Well I have been away from JM lately, mainly because we are having a lot of issues with this pregnancy so far. My doctor is convinced that I will go early, but the question is when. I am now having to go to weekly appointments to check my cervix because I have daily braxton hicks--on average 2 to 3 an hour daily nonstop--to make sure that I am not dialating. So far I am barely 1 fingertip, but my cervix is holding long and hard.

Anyway, my doctor sent me to a high risk because she wants to put me on 17P shots, but she wanted a second opinion seeing how I have had 2 instances of preterm labor, but thankfully they were able to control my labor until I was full term. I had my daughter at 37w exactly, even though I went into labor at 36w6d.

So, I show up Friday to the high risk to check my cervix and to double check my placenta, seeing how it showed on my last u/s marginal placenta previa. I met with the u/s tech first, and the baby looked great to me. He is measuring 2 weeks ahead and is supposedly 2lb8oz as of Friday. Then we met with the nurse who checked my weight and BP, and BP was good and I was down 3lbs. The doctor was running late so we waited another 20 minutes for her to get there. Once she got there, we were brought into a little room to talk about the findings. She said cervix still looks normal, so she was not going to check me, the baby is measuring fine, but before we were getting to leave she told us that there was a white calcium spot on his heart. She said that it could mean a heart defect, down syndrome, or nothing at all. She seemed very concerned about the downs though, and asked me if I passed my screening in the 2nd trimester. I told her yes, and she said, "oh well then it is probably nothing," and then told me that preterm labor is not the same as preterm birth so no shots for me--if I go early, I go early.

I was shocked. She basically walked out and left me there with what she said. So I freaked out, but I tried to keep it together. When I told my sister about it, she kept saying that she would abort and I am a better person than her. I tried telling her that we passed initial screening, and it could really be nothing, but she kept going over and over about how I am a strong woman to want to have a down syndrome child! ***?!?!?! So I let this eat me up of course, and I barely slept that night. I woke up hysterical and balling in my hubby's arms. He tried to console me, but I poured through all my u/s pics from my previous pregnancies and then this one to compare head shots. My sister also had told me that she thought he had downs from his u/s pics because his head is misshapen and extremely larger than normal. I went into big panic mode and I was questioning whether I could be a good mother to a special needs child. I felt terrible for even thinking such a terrible thing. So of course I balled most of the day Saturday too.

Then to make matters worse, my mother's car broke down and had to take my car. My sister refused to help pay to fix it, so we are stuck with the $800 bill. Then late last night our neighbors knock on the door to tell us our main water line broke to our house. James fixed it today, but we were without water for almost a day. That sucked. Also, I had to take James to the doctor on Friday because he tore his tendon a little in his hand, which is also pinching a nerve, so he is in a LOT of pain. When it rains it pours....

Anyway, I am better today. I have finally got over the shock that something could (COULD being the key word here) be wrong with our baby that we tried so long to have. If it is, I will love him no matter what. Still, the odds are in our favor that it is nothing at all. I have attached a few pictures from his u/s on Friday. I have an appointment with my regular doctor on Tuesday to dicuss everything.

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  #2  
March 25th, 2012, 07:39 PM
Jessghetti's Avatar New Mommy in Training
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Wow that is quite a story. I hope things get better, as to what your sister is saying, ***? If she isn't in the medical profession she has NO grounds to say what kind of disorders your child may or may not have. Much less using a u/s picture to determine that, babies heads in the womb are sometimes bigger then what they will be later on. That is actually why it takes people so long to walk, we are born with big heads and our bodies have to strengthen to hold them up!

Anyways, did you ever do any testing for down's through the blood?
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  #3  
March 25th, 2012, 08:58 PM
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That is a lot to take in! But, I KNOW that no matter what happens, you will fall in love with this child immediately. Heck, you already have!!! What your sister said was horrible and awful. Even if she was THINKING those thoughts, they should never have come out of her mouth! As for the down's syndrome possibility, have you seen this blog? It touched me so much the first time I read this woman's story.

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  #4  
March 25th, 2012, 08:59 PM
fromustobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ummm, seriously, thats nuts...both what the doctor said, how she said it without regard to anything else, and what your sister jumped to a conclusion about...seriously?!?
U/Ss can show white spots that are nothing, the other screenings are much more reliable...and for your sister to say that when there is literally almost NO chance that anything is actually wrong with your son is...I guess I already used nuts...no, it is HORRIBLE!!

BTW, my husband has a brother who has Down, and Down babies usually measure SMALLER than normal, not larger (my husbands brother was less than 7 pounds, my husband was almost 10 pounds)...

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through that...the good news is that baby is looking like he is staying put a while longer, and otherwise looks great - HOORAY!!
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  #5  
March 25th, 2012, 09:52 PM
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Don't worry about the calcium spots. Peter had those too and his heart is fine! I am sorry you are stressed. Hopefully baby holds in there for a long time still!
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  #6  
March 26th, 2012, 03:53 AM
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I hope everything calms down for you. Anxiety is no fun. Sending you zen vibes.
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  #7  
March 26th, 2012, 04:05 AM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
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Thanks ladies. I must say that I truly hated that high risk doctor. I was in complete shock on how she just casually pushed away everything and then mentioned that at the end.

My sister on the other hand is just a plain old *****. She always has been. She means well most of the time, but I even told her that she crossed the line with that. She actually tried (in her own way of course) to apologize to me yesterday, but the damage is already done by now.

I had some testing done early in the 2nd trimester along with the NT scan and all came back normal. My odds for downs was 1 in almost 5000 I think. I feel better about the whole thing now, but at the moment I just let myself go to the worse instead of the best. I have also read that blog post on my DDC, and I will say that it did not help. It actually made things worse. Still, I am feeling a lot better today.
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  #8  
March 26th, 2012, 04:50 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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Lindsey I am so sorry that your having to deal with all of this. First off, your a better person that me as far as your sister goes. I would have already told mine where she could go (and it's not a good place). Second off if your really worried about it get a second opinion from another high risk doctor. If nothing else it will give you reassurance. I have learned by now that there are some doctors out there that should definitely not be in that profession. Just because they think they might have saw something on the one ultrasound should not be a determining factor. You will love him no matter what. Having a special needs child is hard but trust me it's very doable.
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  #9  
March 26th, 2012, 05:36 AM
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I agree with everything the ladies have said... U/s are definitely NOT the best indicator about everything... I am amazed your sister would act so callously It is awful that she is making it worse for you & not better
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  #10  
March 26th, 2012, 05:48 AM
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I'm sorry that you've been going through all this. Your sister had no right to say what she did. If all your blood tests came back normal there is no reason to think otherwise.

I hope Layne's heart is just fine and he'll stay there a while longer.
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  #11  
March 26th, 2012, 05:51 AM
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I'm sorry you had to deal with both an insensitive doctor and a sister who has diarrhea of the mouth. I agree I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Hope thought that baby stays in for a long time still and continues to bake to perfection!
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  #12  
March 26th, 2012, 05:54 AM
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1- Your sister is an idiot and should keep her mouth shut.
2- The fact that there's a calcium deposit doesn't mean anything. Could be nothing. You "passed" the screenings, so that should bring some comfort.
3- I had BH's the entire pregnancy. I went 3 weeks "early".
4- Glad you feel better about things. If I were you, I'd ignore your dum dum sister until after the baby is born. Who needs help like that?
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  #13  
March 26th, 2012, 06:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doremi View Post
That is a lot to take in! But, I KNOW that no matter what happens, you will fall in love with this child immediately. Heck, you already have!!! What your sister said was horrible and awful. Even if she was THINKING those thoughts, they should never have come out of her mouth! As for the down's syndrome possibility, have you seen this blog? It touched me so much the first time I read this woman's story.

Enjoying the Small Things: Nella Cordelia: A Birth Story
Holy crud...I bawled through that story. A wonderful read.

But to the topic...one day at a time. You were thrown a lot of information/events all at once. In a few days things will settle down and this probably won't seem as overwhelming. Lots of babies have one or two markers for downs and don't have it. Only time will tell. But I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope that little guy bakes longer.
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  #14  
March 26th, 2012, 06:45 AM
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((hugs)) Sorry life is being so stressful for you right now.

I had a friend whose baby had a 'spot' on his heart and he came out just fine, no heart defects or anything. So the spot doesn't necessarily mean anything.

As for the possibility of Down Syndrome, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Your screenings came back good and nothing was noticed on the anatomy scan, your baby is very likely just fine.

But if he does have Down Syndrome, I don't think it will be horrible. Did you know that there is a waiting list of people who want to adopt a baby with Down Syndrome? I'm not saying this to suggest you put him up for adoption but to point out that people who have been touched by DS do actually seek out more children with DS.

Of three survey of families with a child with DS and of the people with DS, most find it to be positive:
Quote:
Among 2,044 parents or guardians surveyed, 79 percent reported their outlook on life was more positive because of their child with Down syndrome … Skotko also found that among siblings ages 12 and older, 97 percent expressed feelings of pride about their brother or sister with Down syndrome and 88 percent were convinced they were better people because of their sibling with Down syndrome. A third study evaluating how adults with Down syndrome felt about themselves reports 99 percent responded they were happy with their lives, 97 percent liked who they are, and 96 percent liked how they looked.
From:
Down syndrome's rewards touted as new test looms - Health - Health care - msnbc.com

(((hugs))) No matter what happens, you will be all right. You will love your baby and be the perfect mother for him.
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  #15  
March 26th, 2012, 07:02 AM
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UGH im sorry you are dealing with so much right now.
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  #16  
March 26th, 2012, 07:59 AM
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I am sorry you have so much to take in right now...

I think you need to not listen to your sister, some of what she said sounds to me like she was just trying to be nasty.

I'll be thinking of you...
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  #17  
March 26th, 2012, 10:17 AM
Jessghetti's Avatar New Mommy in Training
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I know you probably know this already, but there are plenty of people with disabilities that lead happy, successful lives as contributing members of society. I've seen an award winning actress with Downs and an Autistic have a PhD. So while we all want healthy normal babies (I am sure yours will be) even in the worse possible scenario - it is still possible for them to be happy.
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  #18  
March 26th, 2012, 10:25 AM
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I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that. First *** is wrong with your sister? Sister should be there to help, not to make things worse. Take a break from her. About the High Risk doctor, how does she drop this on you and then walk away? i would try to get another opinion.
Don't know much about soft spots, or what it could mean, but I wanted to tell you that the first time I was here, there was a girl that it took them a long time to get pg, I believe they ended getting pg medically. She had a DS baby, he was born just a few weeks after Alex if I recall correctly. He was a bit slower than the other kids to get started but he did catch up, she made special food for him, BF him, her goal was until 3 years, but I'm not sure. The thought its scary but your screenings came back ok, so it's probably something else.
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  #19  
March 26th, 2012, 11:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Sapphires View Post
I am sorry you have so much to take in right now...

I think you need to not listen to your sister, some of what she said sounds to me like she was just trying to be nasty.

I'll be thinking of you...
Ditto. Haven't you had a lot of problems with your family being unsupportive anyway? especially when you guys were trying?

I am sorry she is saying such mean things to you.

I probably wouldn't worry much about the high risk doctor stuff either. Sounds like a lot of people have seen spots like that before and everything was just fine! Ultrasounds can really be off sometimes.

*hugs*
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  #20  
March 26th, 2012, 01:35 PM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
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Yes my family has been nasty to us before, and they still are sometimes. I feel like no one is really "supportive" of our pregnancy with them.

My husband was quick to point out that she might be a little jealous that we are having a boy. She had 2 girls and then tied her tubes. She really wanted a boy and a girl, but she brushed it off like it was nothing. When I told her that I was having a boy she refused to believe it, even going as far as to ask me if I was sure that it was a boy. I am not saying that this is the reason, but it might be a reason for it.

Anyway, I have my regular appointment tomorrow and I will talk to my doctor then. Like I said, I REALLY did not like that high risk at all.
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