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  • 2 Post By missy123
  • 1 Post By dreamer10
  • 2 Post By ashj_1218

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  #1  
March 30th, 2012, 10:10 PM
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I know I should be posting this stuff over in Pregnancy Loss and not bringing you happy preggos down, but I don't know anyone there, and I like you girls.

I had a bit of a panic attack this morning. For a moment I forgot that Mouse is gone. I went potty and saw blood and got scared that I was losing him, and then I realized he's gone already.

Why is it so much harder this time? Why do I randomly burst into tears in the grocery store?

I was looking through my belly pics and newborn photos of Pete. I want that again. Why did I get an IUD? I am not ready to give up. I want another baby, I just don't want anymore losses.

I want to be happy again.
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  #2  
March 31st, 2012, 12:04 AM
doremi's Avatar Team Blue Mama of Two
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I'm so sorry, Erica! Remember, the IUD is ALWAYS reversible. Right now, I think you need to concentrate on grieving your loss, and getting your body physically strong again. Maybe the autopsy will give you some more answers. And if it doesn't, a little time to clear your head without worrying about whether or not you are going to get pregnant will probably be a good thing, for you AND DH. You guys have been through so much. The decision about another baby doesn't have to be made right now. And just because you got an IUD, doesn't mean you are closing the door permanently. Also, in case you didn't see it, I commented in the belly thread in our DDC about your comment about "not belonging anymore", and want you to know that you are ALWAYS welcome there. I took a lot of comfort with my first m/c in hanging around my DDC for awhile, even though others who had suffered losses thought that was crazy. Everybody is different, and if it helps you to be there, then don't feel bad about it at all! xoxo
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  #3  
March 31st, 2012, 04:34 AM
Shadeauxe's Avatar It's me
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Sorry you have to go through this. I never know what to say to anyone, so I don't normally comment. I hope that you're able to find peace in some form.
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  #4  
March 31st, 2012, 05:05 AM
*SamF*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Big hugs Erica!! I know for me some losses were so much harder than others. Especially after seeing a heartbeat. I agree though taking a little time to heal will be good, you can always get the IUD out anytime.
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  #5  
March 31st, 2012, 05:48 AM
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I'm sorry. I agree with Courtney. I'm not very good at this, but I really hope you find some peace.
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  #6  
March 31st, 2012, 06:20 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Erica - Of course you belong here. This is not just a pregnancy room... It is all of us that have formed this friendship.

I can say that some off my losses were harder than others. My first was a shock but I thought it was a fluke so I bounced back. My second was so hard.... I cried every day for months. My third was hard as well but I had our wedding 2 weeks later to focus on. And my forth was depressing - I almost just gave up at that point.

Let yourself cry, howl away. Don't be ashamed to tear up in public - stay home if you have to. Peter will be ok if he sees mommy like this. I know how hard this is for you - my heart is heavy for you.

I know there is nothing I can say or do to make this easier for you... just know we are here for you and do understand. Don't leave us - feel free to write here.

I am so sorry
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  #7  
March 31st, 2012, 06:20 AM
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  #8  
March 31st, 2012, 07:12 AM
LoverlyJules's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry. As far as posting in the DDC, you are always welcome! I always liked reading your posts.
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  #9  
March 31st, 2012, 08:00 AM
lindsey2000k's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You are very welcome to post this stuff here. Most of us have been on this journey with you and want you to still be here.... and of course this room is not for just being pregnant after loss anymore.

I wish I had some great advice to give you. I know some of my losses were harder than others and even already having a child never made it easier. I just did not have as much time to dwell on it as I had the ones before.

Your IUD can be very easy to have removed and I think it might have been a great idea. That way you can let your body heal and take a little time to let your mind heal as well before you start TTC again.
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  #10  
March 31st, 2012, 08:25 AM
dreamer10's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Erica, I am so sorry about your loss. I know you had such high hopes for this little baby. I can't explain why these happen, I don't think anyone can, they just do. Please know that all of our hearts and prayers are with you and your little family right now. An IUD might be a good idea, at least for a few months for you to get your head back together. In the mean time, go ahead and cry, mourn and let all those emotions be what they are. Let little mouses message, whatever it may be, shine through your tears and your ability to remember him/her....
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Our rainbow baby Brynlee Sue was born August 17th after four heartbreaking loses! Life is an amazing journey. Hang on, keep your faith and try to always move forward!
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  #11  
March 31st, 2012, 11:47 AM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
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Missy said it perfectly. You do not have to worry about posting here, as we have all been there too after a loss. I also agree to let it out, as it was the only way I could make myself feel better. It brings me back to when I had my first loss, and I was fighting back the tears hard at the doctor's office. When I got into the car I screamed, balled, and beat the steering wheel the whole way home. Then I cried for a few days straight. It did help me eventually. I pray to God that you do not have to go through another loss again. No one deserves that pain over and over again.
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  #12  
March 31st, 2012, 01:02 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I think having a rainbow makes it different and hence you are grieving differently. Give yourself that time. Big hugs!!!

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  #13  
April 1st, 2012, 05:54 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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It is okay and normal to be mad and sad and bust into tears at random times. I know I did...for a couple weeks after a couple of my losses. Just the vast unfairness of it all would hit again. And there was little anyone could say to comfort me. I knew what I was missing with that baby being gone and I wanted to grieve what I lost. But lots of people don't understand it. Hence why you are always welcome in this room. It says "motherhood after loss" and sadly, motherhood sometimes involves loss after rainbows.

I think the IUD was still a good idea. It is not permanent, by a long shot. And if you were to TTC right away, and heaven forbid something happened again, imagine how that grief would compound. This way, any decision you make has to be really thought out and not made from an emotional standpoint. What you are saying right now, about wanting to try again, is the same as when you were wondering if you ever wanted to try again....all of it coming from an emotional place. And the best decisions are not made when the decider is grieving. Give yourself lots of time. You need to heal from this, to at least some degree (since I know it never goes away). Then make your choices about future trying. I think you will be far happier with the outcome of such decisions, versus ones made in haste.
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  #14  
April 1st, 2012, 06:24 AM
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Thanks Ash! I am back to thinking the IUD is a good idea. lol You are right, I am way to emotional to be making real decisions.
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  #15  
April 1st, 2012, 08:54 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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  #16  
April 1st, 2012, 12:24 PM
Hopefulpinkangel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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  #17  
April 1st, 2012, 03:28 PM
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  #18  
April 2nd, 2012, 07:51 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know there is nothing I can say to make any of this better. I agree that the IUd was a good idea. What you need now is time to heal, cry when you feel the need to, don't hold back. You are always welcome here, this is my second time on this board, and it never changes, girls form a very special bond here.....
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