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I wish it didn't bother me...


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
May 18th, 2012, 09:39 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
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...but it still hurts to see my best friend so happy and excited about her pregnancy. We were due 2 weeks from each other. I lost my baby and she is still pregnant. I'm glad I got pregnant again quickly and that everything is going so well, but it's so hard to see her post all the time online and call me with all these exciting updates and I'm sitting here knowing I should be experiencing the same thing. I know I'll get there, but I want to be there now! She just posted a video of her belly moving around from the baby on Facebook and I just want to cry.

It is easier now that I'm pregnant again, I'd hid her on Facebook for a while, but it's still just so hard. She's as understanding as someone who has never had a loss can be, but it makes me feel guilty that I'm still not able to be over the moon happy for her like I was before I had my loss.

Any advice?
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  #2  
May 18th, 2012, 10:56 AM
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((hugs))

With both of my losses I was due about a week or so after someone I knew. With my 1st the couple announced they were having twins while I was still raw from my loss. That stung because I felt, "how come she gets two babies and I don't get any?!" In the case of my 2nd one, it was my SIL. If it weren't for this current pregnancy, I would be crushed about her having her 2-month-old now. So I know how it feels.

I would say hide her on facebook again and maybe say something to her like "I'm happy for you and your coming little one, but if you don't mind, could you not email or message me about updates on your pregnancy? I'm having a hard time still with the loss of my baby right now, so at this point in my grief I would rather not have those reminders."
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  #3  
May 18th, 2012, 12:28 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverlife View Post
I would say hide her on facebook again and maybe say something to her like "I'm happy for you and your coming little one, but if you don't mind, could you not email or message me about updates on your pregnancy? I'm having a hard time still with the loss of my baby right now, so at this point in my grief I would rather not have those reminders."
That's very well said.


I'm sure when your baby is born things will get easier for you, but they'll probably get harder when she has hers.

To be completely honest, it's never really gone away for me. My best friend had her baby 2 months after Cora was stillborn, and sometimes it's still really painful for me to look at Katy, 6 years later.
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  #4  
May 18th, 2012, 03:44 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks, ladies. I texted her saying something along those lines. I have been doing okay with her updates, it was the video that got me really upset, so for now I've just hidden her photos from my feed and will see if that helps. She was, again, as understanding as someone who has never had a loss can be.

I've been thinking about how my due date would be rough for me, I didn't even think about how it'll probably be really hard for me when she has her baby.
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  #5  
May 18th, 2012, 07:47 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Yeah, during the pregnancy it's still all fairly theoretical, even with moving tummy videos. But seeing the baby? It surprised me how hard that was. I didn't even know to expect it.
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  #6  
May 19th, 2012, 05:48 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well, thanks for the heads up about it.
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  #7  
May 20th, 2012, 09:51 AM
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Yeah, my first later miscarriage happened when about the time that my husband's brother and his wife announced they were pregnant, like literally the week after I had my d&c. I cried throughout her pregnancy and the day he was born was super hard for me. It still makes me sad to see my nephew, because we should have a LO the same age...
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  #8  
May 21st, 2012, 03:25 AM
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Ditto the other ladies! It has been extremely hard for me as well. Even with my first loss 3 1/2 years ago when I see my best friends little boy I just am heartbroken and wondering why my little boy isn't here.
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  #9  
May 21st, 2012, 08:10 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm glad I'm not the only one. I was feeling like a horrible friend. It sucks that we have to feel this way, though.
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