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3D ultrasound and strange feelings


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
July 17th, 2006, 11:19 AM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,783
Hi,

I didn't really know where to post this. I didn't want to post in my DDC and I thought maybe it would be OK here.

I went for a 3D ultrasound yesterday and found out that I am having a boy. He was moving around and has a great heartbeat and I am thrilled, happy and excited. But....Seeing the baby move around, then start yawning and finding out that it's a boy seems to have awakened really strange feeling in me about my previous loss. I keep thinking about the baby we lost and find myself wanting to know whether it was a nother boy or a girl and what it was like. I found myself crying about this last night.

Have any of you had feeling like this?
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  #2  
July 17th, 2006, 11:30 AM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,299
I know exactly what you mean... down to the punctuation...

I think its just a step in the greving process. Wondering about what could have/should have/would have been. Wondering why this had to happen to the other baby, whom you loved just as much as the new one. I feel a lot of sorrow too, knowing my boys should be playing together, growing up together, sharing that special bond between brothers...

I still struggle with all this as well, especially since today marks the day where I am officially as pregnant as I have ever been.

I'm not really sure what I can say to offer encouragement. Only that I understand and you are not alone.

R
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  #3  
July 17th, 2006, 12:08 PM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,783
Quote:
I know exactly what you mean... down to the punctuation...

I think its just a step in the greving process. Wondering about what could have/should have/would have been. Wondering why this had to happen to the other baby, whom you loved just as much as the new one. I feel a lot of sorrow too, knowing my boys should be playing together, growing up together, sharing that special bond between brothers...

I still struggle with all this as well, especially since today marks the day where I am officially as pregnant as I have ever been.

I'm not really sure what I can say to offer encouragement. Only that I understand and you are not alone.

R[/b]
Thanks for your post and congrats on your milestone.
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  #4  
July 17th, 2006, 03:11 PM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 11,433
Just popping in to let you know that I felt/feel the same exact way. Although I have a very strong feeling my first baby was a boy too I'll just never know and always be left wondering. I feel so sad, especially now that my son is here, and I can actually see how much I missed out on with the loss of my first baby. I won't ever get to see that baby smile, cry, sit up for the first time, make a yucky face at a new food he doesn't like, lift his chubby little arms up to me to be picked up, and countless other priceless moments. I should be having a three year old next month but it's not happening (I was due labor day weekend of '03 of all days ). It does NOT mean I value Liam any less or love him any less, in fact I think I love him and cherish those moments more because I know how truly priceless they are. Being pregnant with him and now having him here just makes my loss more real, if that makes any sense. There's times I still cry, it's been especially hard lately for some reason and I can't say why. I just plug along loving Liam and loving my little guy I never got to meet. And congrats on your little boy!
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  #5  
July 19th, 2006, 04:56 PM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 653
I always think of what they baby could have been.
I had so many chances to find out and didn't, it is quite pathetic.
At my u/s I should have asked instead of letting her end it. I could have gone through L/D instead of letting them think I should have a D/E.
I am still angry about all of this I know I shouldn't be. But I regret every bit of that experience, and have no time to get it back. I should have been pushy, I am never pushy enough to get the things I should and for that I hate myself. A 23 week old baby and I feel like it was like them removing a hang nail. "AH.. go here do this, this is better. Your done go home and if you need anything read these papers."
So I treated everything the way they did and when the babies due date came around.... story for another day.
Its hard you feel like something is missing and even if you think you found it, something new happens and you have that very empty space that no matter how many more babies you have...
It will always be empty.

Now I am 29 weeks, in the begining of this pregnancy everything mattered, sex, kicking, being pregnant. When my 23 week came around... I just feel so detached from this baby now, I was so close in the begining.
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  #6  
July 20th, 2006, 09:53 AM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,783
Quote:
I always think of what they baby could have been.
I had so many chances to find out and didn't, it is quite pathetic.
At my u/s I should have asked instead of letting her end it. I could have gone through L/D instead of letting them think I should have a D/E.
I am still angry about all of this I know I shouldn't be. But I regret every bit of that experience, and have no time to get it back. I should have been pushy, I am never pushy enough to get the things I should and for that I hate myself. A 23 week old baby and I feel like it was like them removing a hang nail. "AH.. go here do this, this is better. Your done go home and if you need anything read these papers."
So I treated everything the way they did and when the babies due date came around.... story for another day.
Its hard you feel like something is missing and even if you think you found it, something new happens and you have that very empty space that no matter how many more babies you have...
It will always be empty.

Now I am 29 weeks, in the begining of this pregnancy everything mattered, sex, kicking, being pregnant. When my 23 week came around... I just feel so detached from this baby now, I was so close in the begining.[/b]
June,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am 23 weeks right now and I can't even imagine going through what you did. I am sure you will re-connect with your baby once it's born and will be a wonderful mother. Thanks for responding to my post.
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  #7  
July 20th, 2006, 07:18 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
I experienced a very familiar feeling when i had my 'big' scan with this pregnancy.. ((Hugs))
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