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Finally pics of Ava/Rant/Pic Heavy


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
June 13th, 2012, 11:00 AM
kaylakay's Avatar Love Being A Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Utah
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Okay sorry ladies my pictures didnt work before... Here are some pictures of my princess.

Right when she was born:


Cleaning her up. I love that face!


Her daddy wheeling her out of the OR.


Daddy loving her.


After my C Section. I understand I look like poop.


Ava!


















Okay now I really need some support. Im still recovering from my c section and just cant seem to get better. Im still taking my Percocet around the clock cause I hurt and I was hoping to be off it by now cause I know it can get into my breast milk. Speaking of breast milk I gave up breast feeding. I now just pump and bottle feed her. I know its still breast milk but I feel like a failure. DH isnt being very supportive. He took two weeks off to "help" me with the baby. Pfft. Yeah right. Hes like using it as a vacation. Last night Ava was crying at about 3:30 well I last fed her at 12:30 so I asked DH if he would get up change her and feed her. He seriously turned the other way and put his blanket over his head. I FREAKED. I was so tired, so sore, on lots of medicine and just had a baby so my hormones are WACKY. He finally did it but really? I had to ask and ask and ask and start crying for him too. After that I just cried for a good hour... not really sure why just did. Then 7:30 rolled around and I said if you change her Ill feed her... Well he threw a fit about that too!

Im sorry my doctor told me to take it easy... Gr. I know its a huge change but its seriously not fair. His daughter is bawling and he just puts his blanket over his head!

I think Im just emotional and upset that DH will barely help, I failed at breastfeeding and Im still really sore.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies.

On a positive note: My little girl is the cutest thing in the world and I love her so much. She seriously makes me smile more than anything. I love it.
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  #2  
June 13th, 2012, 11:14 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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Number one: And it has to come first...she is absolutely adorable!! God I love her hair You certainly did some great work growing a super-cute baby.

Number two: You are being WAY too hard on yourself. I burst into tears randomly for two weeks after each of the boys. These after-birth hormones are way worse than the ones in pregnancy. Your poor body doesn't know what the heck just happened. Give yourself some credit, don't worry about the meds (you won't be on them forever, but you can't be a good mom if you are battling pain constantly when you can take some meds and feel better). And be gentle about the breastfeeding. It's hard. You are NOT a failure. I know it seems hard, but look up a local le leche league. They should have someone who can come to your house to help. Chances are, it is a pain related thing right now and with some help you can try nursing again. BUT...she is getting breastmilk. Even if she wasnt, it's not at all a failure. You are doing an awesome job.

Number three: Your DH needs a HUGE kick in the ***. He needs to man-up and do absolutely EVERYTHING for you at this point. Heck, he should offer to wipe your behind if you want it. Seriously, tell him to stop acting worse the a baby and help out. Set the stage now. I did not make my DH man-up and it took over 2 years for me to finally ream him out. Two years of resentment and anger. It is not worth it. This is HIS baby too and he needs to take MORE than half of the care right now. You just did a months worth of work by birthing her...he needs to step up and act like a grown adult. I wish I could yell at him myself for you. I know it's hard to deal with it all. I really do. But please nip that in the bud ASAP. He can't think it is okay to "let you deal with it." You need pampering.

You can do this mama!! You are amazing!
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  #3  
June 13th, 2012, 11:47 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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She's so adorable!!!!!!! Love the pictures!

You are not a failure just because you are having some problems BF, you just need to figure out what the problem is. With DS he had problems, and ended up with a nipple shield, it saved my life. You can also call the Hospital and see if they have a lactation consultant that you can see.

About the meds, I stopped taking mine a few days after I got home and just switched to Ibuprofen. For me, it worked great because I wasn't on heavy meds, so I was feeling better.

I had the same problem with DH, he would only help me at night time to change his DS diaper and to get him tome to BF, that was it, otherwise, I had to rely on my mom during the day, while DH decided to use his time off to work on project around the house. The worse he did, was, a week or two after DS was born, he got very very drunk and left me alone to take care of DS all by myself, he passed out in another room, and when he woke up the next day and I yelled at him, his response was, I didn't do anything wrong, I also divorce him right there and then. This is an adjustment for him, but he needs to step up and help out more, otherwise I'll go there and kick his behind.

You will be sore for quite a while, but it will get better, everyday it gets better, don't push yourself, but maybe walk a bit more each day.
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  #4  
June 13th, 2012, 11:53 AM
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Firstly, she is perfect, precious and adorable

Secondly, you are NOT a failure. You tried, it is hard, I had the same issue, I ended up exlusively pumping and DD got it from the bottle. All you can do is try, sometimes sanity has to come first. Because you are going through a difficult recovery, things may just be off a bit at first. If you are up to it, call the LC at your hospital, if you are willing to pump and bottle feed, do that, it's your choice and you should NOT feel like a failure because of it! Don't let anyone tell you you are, you are doing a great job!!

Your DH needs to step up, I hope he does, I know it's a big change for him, but it is for you too and you are the one that had the surgery...HUGS! I hope things get better!

And congrats again on a beautiful baby girl!
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  #5  
June 13th, 2012, 12:37 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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She's absolutely adorable! You are so not a failure. At least she's being fed and getting breast milk, who cares how it happens. Sorry DH isn't being as helpful as you would like him to be. It's going to take some time for him to adjust as well as you. Rest as much as possible and have a serious heart to heart with him about how you're physically and emotionally feeling. I hope you get the support you feel you need.
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  #6  
June 13th, 2012, 12:49 PM
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She is beautiful!!!

I almost gave up. I'm glad I pushed through it and continued attempting to latch her. She finally started nursing when she was 19 days old, the day before my birthday. It will work. Just keep it up and give it time. I cried a lot, too. Not for random reasons, either. My hormones were nuts, but I was struggling with feelings of being a bad mom, too and that had me crying more often than not. I had to have so much help with caring for her, I felt I couldn't mother her. Her lack of nursing at the time was not helping my feelings on the matter. Others were feeding her. Others were changing her. Others were getting her dressed. I needed the help, but I eventually had to grit my teeth and work through the pain and stepped up. I had to tell people to step back and let me take care of it, because I felt like a failure. I probably shouldn't have done it and I doubt my dr would have approved, but I felt far, far better, emotionally and physically healed faster from that activity. I decided my emotional well being more important than whatever I was feeling physically. That's how big the emotional toll was on me.

I can't take narcotics. They make me feel worse than not taking any pain meds. My hospital gave me Advil. Believe it or not, I only did Advil and staid on top of that. I would take about 2-3 pills of advil at a time as per the dosing instructions on the bottle, so about every 6-8 hours. I felt ok. I could at least move after it kicked in anyhow, but the mornings were always the hardest. I know you don't feel like it, but walking and moving DO help! You'll feel better faster. You're only a few days out of your csection. Give yourself some time. I didn't stop taking advil until about 8 or 9 days after. I know it's hard to believe this now, but you will feel better, things will get better, and your hormones will get better too!

Your husband needs a kick in the *****. I will give it myself if you want lol. Mine was such a blessing, and I'm very lucky to have a guy like that. She was formula fed for the first several days of her life almost exclusively and he was doing the 3 am wake ups with her. He went in with a different attitude. He didn't expect his leave from work to be a vacation. He knew he was going to have a much bigger job to do. Explain all this to your husband. Having a baby changes both your lives forever and even alters the dynamics of your marriage. We argue a lot, because there are things I feel passionate about and things he is like 'whatever' about and vice versa, but we always work it out. We talk. Tell your man how you feel and that you definitely appreciate what he does for you. Most importantly, daddy leave is NOT a vacation.
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  #7  
June 13th, 2012, 03:33 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ava is adorable and she does look just like you!!

I know it's hard not to, but please don't feel like a failure for not breastfeeding. Your daughter is getting nutrition, better yet, breast milk nutrition and that is the most important thing.

Remember this for the rest of your life, as long as you are meeting your daughter's physical and emotional needs in a developmentally appropriate manner, you're never a failure.

I'm sorry about the pain from the c-section. I hope that you start to feel better soon.

I agree with the other ladies about your husband needing to step up. I'm staying at home and have no problem being the one to get up all night when he has to work the next day, but I fully believe that when the spouse is home he needs to help out with the parenting duty, especially when you're recovering from major surgery.
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  #8  
June 13th, 2012, 04:14 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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She is a cutie patotie .

I haven't nurses any of my kids. It hurts me so much and I cry and give up. I don't even pump. But ya know my kids are healthy and happy. Please don't beat yourself up. She is getting what she needs and that's important. Your doing great. I have no advice on the pain meds sorry. Your DH needs a wake up call. I know it's an adjustment for everyone but you need help and he needs to be a man, husband, and father. I hope it gets better.

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  #9  
June 13th, 2012, 05:04 PM
Jessghetti's Avatar New Mommy in Training
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Wow, what a headful of hair~ she is really adorable
I'm sorry about all the pain from the c-section, it may just take some time to heal or things to feel a bit better.

As far as your DH goes, he sounds like he is acting very immature, you really need to involve him at this point - it's just as important for him to bond right now as you and if he doesn't learn it now I don't know if he ever would.
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  #10  
June 13th, 2012, 05:10 PM
doremi's Avatar Team Blue Mama of Two
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She is beautiful. As for your DH, when I had my c/s with Josiah, the doctor made it VERY clear to my husband that my only job for the first two weeks was to heal, and feed the baby. She told him that if I tried to do more than that, it would be extremely detrimental to my recovery. They harder you push yourself early on, the more pain you are going to have. I found that it built up throughout the day... if I had been on my feet too much or pushing myself too hard, I felt it in the evening. It is typical for guys to SUCK at the middle of the night stuff. As soon as I started feeling a little bit better, my DH reverted to rolling over and pulling the covers over his head. As for the bf-ing, do NOT beat yourself up. If you are pumping, you could always go back to trying the bf-ing when you are physically feeling better if you choose to. And the most important thing is that Ava is still getting breast milk, which is WONDERFUL for however long you can keep it up! Keep your chin up, mama. These first few weeks are so hard, but you have a BEAUTIFUL baby girl!!!
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  #11  
June 13th, 2012, 05:12 PM
1InSummerland's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First - she is beautiful!

Secondly, I agree with everyone else. You are NOT a failure and your DH needs to quit being such a butt.
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  #12  
June 13th, 2012, 06:00 PM
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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She's beautiful! Congrats! Your hubby is being a jerk, but that isn't exactly unusual. Just keep on him until he sees the light, otherwise he will leave it up to you. And don't beat yourself up. There is no one 'right' way to do things. She is loved, clothed and fed. You are doing what you are supposed to do!
As for the c-section pain, I think it has been said, but ibuprofen every 4-6 hours, depending on the bottle directions. I've had two c-sections and a ruptured ectopic, and in all cases I did it on only ibuprofen. Don't wait to be in pain, just take it on time. It reduces the swelling around the incision, and that will greatly reduce your pain. Don't stay on the couch. Get up and do a lap around the house every couple of hours. Don't overdo it, but don't go too far in the opposite direction, either.
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  #13  
June 13th, 2012, 06:12 PM
queenofthecastle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashj_1218 View Post
Number one: And it has to come first...she is absolutely adorable!! God I love her hair You certainly did some great work growing a super-cute baby.

Number two: You are being WAY too hard on yourself. I burst into tears randomly for two weeks after each of the boys. These after-birth hormones are way worse than the ones in pregnancy. Your poor body doesn't know what the heck just happened. Give yourself some credit, don't worry about the meds (you won't be on them forever, but you can't be a good mom if you are battling pain constantly when you can take some meds and feel better). And be gentle about the breastfeeding. It's hard. You are NOT a failure. I know it seems hard, but look up a local le leche league. They should have someone who can come to your house to help. Chances are, it is a pain related thing right now and with some help you can try nursing again. BUT...she is getting breastmilk. Even if she wasnt, it's not at all a failure. You are doing an awesome job.

Number three: Your DH needs a HUGE kick in the ***. He needs to man-up and do absolutely EVERYTHING for you at this point. Heck, he should offer to wipe your behind if you want it. Seriously, tell him to stop acting worse the a baby and help out. Set the stage now. I did not make my DH man-up and it took over 2 years for me to finally ream him out. Two years of resentment and anger. It is not worth it. This is HIS baby too and he needs to take MORE than half of the care right now. You just did a months worth of work by birthing her...he needs to step up and act like a grown adult. I wish I could yell at him myself for you. I know it's hard to deal with it all. I really do. But please nip that in the bud ASAP. He can't think it is okay to "let you deal with it." You need pampering.

You can do this mama!! You are amazing!
AMEN!!!

She's a cutie pie!! Congrats!!!
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  #14  
June 14th, 2012, 03:59 AM
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She's gorgeous. Love all that hair.

Your DH sounds like my DH when we had Moose. (Although I would have referred to him as a giant DB instead. LOL) Hope he comes around.

You for sure are not a failure. I formula fed both mine, and they are happy. You do the best with what you have. And the fact is, you ARE BF'ing, just differently.
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  #15  
June 14th, 2012, 05:43 AM
Hopefulpinkangel's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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She is just so beautiful!!

I had a hard start with BF at first too so don't worry about that just yet! Don't give up! BUT even if you don't end up being able to BF it is not the end of the world, you are a wonderful mother and that is all that matters!!

You need to kick your DH in the butt. Plain and simple. He should be doing everything to help you right now especially if he is home. You just had a c-section for gosh darn sakes.
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  #16  
June 14th, 2012, 06:47 AM
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She's adorable.

As for a failure, like the others stated you are not. As long as you have a good pump, you can pump and feed for the first year. I've known 2 moms that have done it that way. Personally I think it's harder and you should give yourself more credit.. Though like the others suggest, I would take to a lactation specialist just to see if you can just nurse. It will be less work on you especially given DH is no help.

I have no suggestions for DH. I gave up trying to get my DH to help in the middle of the night and I'm the one that works full time. It's just easier to do it myself and get less sleep. Though if he's not going to help, I'd make sure the house is clean and the bottles/clothes are washed.

Hugs
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  #17  
June 14th, 2012, 06:50 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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she is such a cutie! congrats again!

Sorry your dh is being a jerk! My Dh had to go back to work the day after I was d/c'ed - even after my c/s - so I had to do it all myself anyway, but he did help me a bit at night with changes and burps

Keep trying with the BF'ing - if it is something you want to do. I could only breast feed in the football hold - it was the only thing that worked for me, otherwise it was a complete fail.
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  #18  
June 14th, 2012, 09:54 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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#1 She is ADORABLE!!! She's here & she is healthy!

#2 You are not a failure. Like the other ladies said call your hospital & ask about a lactation specialist (most have them). My sister had a lot of trouble nursing my first nephew. The specialist came to the house and helped her and he nursed for 2 years!! She had some trouble starting both her other ones too but with the specialist they got it and both momma & baby were happy. And another thing is it's not for everyone. Some momma's & some babies just need something different.

#3 Your DH needs a good swift kick in the rear and I would gladly do it for you! He helped make her, he can sure as heck help with raising her. (That includes late night feedings/diaper changes & not just the fun stuff). Tell him to shape up or ship out!!!

#4 Take care of yourself! Your not superwoman, if you need help ask for it! If he won't then see if a relative or friend can.
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  #19  
June 14th, 2012, 12:49 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
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She is absolutely adorable!!! Congratulations. You are wonderful momma!!

As for your DH, ditto to the other ladies. I want to give him a swift kick in the balls. DH did great for me and I am very grateful.

As far as BFing, don't beat yourself up. I still pump and give Marsi breastmilk at 7.5 months old. It is harder to do than just giving baby a boob. Marsi refuses the breast. It is nothing to be ashamed about. It is doable if you want to. I also know lots and lots of happy, healthy formula fed babies too.

I know my BFF had a c-section and could hardly pee by herself let alone get a baby out of a crib/bassinet. She was completely dependant on others for help for a good 2 weeks. It took her DH a week to figure out that he needed to man up. I hope you get feeling better soon.
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  #20  
June 14th, 2012, 01:10 PM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mspkids View Post
As long as you have a good pump, you can pump and feed for the first year. I've known 2 moms that have done it that way. Personally I think it's harder and you should give yourself more credit..
I agree, I think I hated pumping more than anything, I would rather BF than pump, but I had to pump because I work. I have known people that just pump and it's much harder.
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