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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  • 3 Post By silverlife
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  #1  
July 5th, 2012, 11:12 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
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Hi All -

Do you still feel deep emotional pain from your losses? I am so grateful for Scarlett and I thank god every single day for him giving us her... However I still ache so hard for my babies that I loss, for all the heartache we went through to get her... for what should have been. Every month when I pay the credit card bill from the RE visits and treatments I cry. We should have Scarlett and a 3 year old...

Is this normal or do I need psychiatric help?
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #2  
July 5th, 2012, 12:03 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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I do think it's normal. There is no wrong way to grieve after all. And it's not like Scarlett replaces the babies you lost--you still lost them. When I think of my losses the emotions are still very raw for me--enough that I do start crying all over again.

That being said, it wouldn't hurt to see a therapist to help you through the grieving process. It doesn't mean you're crazy. But it may help you find peace sooner rather than later.
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  #3  
July 5th, 2012, 02:01 PM
StaceygirlPa's Avatar Waiting for our Miracle.
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I think it is normal how you are feeling. I miss and still grieve the 3 losses we had. I thank God everyday for Cody. I tell Cody almost everyday that he has 3 brothers or sisters in heaven watching over him. When I sit and think about how I should have a 2 year old and 2 one year olds I cry.
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  #4  
July 5th, 2012, 02:30 PM
StaceygirlPa's Avatar Waiting for our Miracle.
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[QUOTE="StaceygirlPa"]I think it is normal how you are feeling. I miss and still grieve the 3 losses we had. I thank God everyday for Cody. I tell Cody almost everyday that he has 3 brothers or sisters in heaven watching over him. When I sit and think about how I should have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 8 month old. I cry.
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  #5  
July 5th, 2012, 02:54 PM
doremi's Avatar Team Blue Mama of Two
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I think it is normal to grieve long term over your losses. But I also think that seeing a therapist who can help you learn some tools for dealing with all you have been through might be helpful. When my Mom lost my Dad to cancer, she found just having someone to talk to who was a neutral person was really helpful.
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  #6  
July 5th, 2012, 08:55 PM
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What the other ladies said. Normal. In my experience, having Lily almost made the loss more real for me. My Angel would have been ~2 this last March/April. I grieved and cried and cried and experienced anger over it and the whole 9 yards. I knew I lost a baby, but with Lily, it's like I know what I lost even more than I already did if that even makes any sense. It's just something you never get over. I still cry, too. I decided therapy/counseling was not the right path for me, but you do what you feel you need to do.
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  #7  
July 6th, 2012, 12:40 AM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
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My losses are not nearly as painful to me as those discribed by others. I think it is because I had some silver lining. I lost three babies in six months. Which nearly distroyed me. However three years later I am recovered by the mear fact that I have no empty chairs at my table. My losses were so close and my rainbow baby came right on the heals, infact Beau was concieved when Scout should have been born so there is no way that I could have had any of those babies and Beau too.

I never imagine Scout, Rebecca or Alexander as part of my real life, I never think of them playing with my children and I never celebrate their birthdays or Angelversaries. They are and always have been a part of heaven something to look forward to not to dwell on.

Missy if you need help to find the best way for you to deal with your greif then do it. There is nothing wrong with crying and help especially when you have been through so much. Good luck and God Bless.
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  #8  
July 6th, 2012, 08:16 AM
lindsey2000k's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I do get sad thinking about it.
The one thing I am struggling with is for 2 years before Bryson all I did was chart, temp, OPK's, HPT's, HCG blood draws ect now I feel lost. I got so use to the 2 years of that consuming my life.
Glad a new baby keeps you busy so I don't think so much about it. It took me until just yesterday to get rid of my big stash of OPK's & HPT's I still thought I am going to need them again even after the baby was born.
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  #9  
July 6th, 2012, 10:38 AM
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Join Date: May 2011
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Sounds totally normal to me.

I don't have my rainbow baby yet, but I do think often about the fact that I was supposed to have a baby in January and then again in June. It's a bittersweet feeling because I know that this baby that I'm carrying would not exist if either of those had worked out. But even being pregnant with a health pregnancy didn't make my EDD any easier...

I can't imagine that there's any time limit on being sad about losing a child. If it will help you be happier, by all means try talking with someone. But I'm not sure that the grief ever really goes away. We just can't let it be the biggest factor in our lives.

Hugs Missy...
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  #10  
July 6th, 2012, 11:57 AM
Shadeauxe's Avatar It's me
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You only need help if it's interfering with your life, which is a question only you can answer. I think a therapist could give you coping skills that wouldnt take away the
pain but might make it more tolerable.
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  #11  
July 7th, 2012, 12:13 AM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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Missy, I hate to tell you this, but you are just as normal as the rest of us.
My mom still gets sad when she talks about a miscarriage she had 39 years ago. Talking about it can help, but only if that's what you want to do. Don't feel like there is something wrong with you because it still hurts. You're just a caring, normal person.
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  #12  
July 7th, 2012, 07:44 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Thanks Girls!!!!! I guess it is just part of the grieving process and the infertility mixed in with it all just added to the anguish. It does not effect my daily life or put me in a state of depression but there are just times when I still allow myself to feel the pain of it all and have a good cry!

Love you girls....

We are moving in August and Scarlett has daycare all set up. (A lady we have all known for many years) so life will hopefully be a little less hectic and I can rejoin you all.
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #13  
July 7th, 2012, 02:15 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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Missy, if you moved here, I know there would be volunteers to watch Scarlett
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  #14  
July 7th, 2012, 11:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lindsey2000k View Post
I do get sad thinking about it.
The one thing I am struggling with is for 2 years before Bryson all I did was chart, temp, OPK's, HPT's, HCG blood draws ect now I feel lost. I got so use to the 2 years of that consuming my life.
Glad a new baby keeps you busy so I don't think so much about it. It took me until just yesterday to get rid of my big stash of OPK's & HPT's I still thought I am going to need them again even after the baby was born.
DITTO.

I think it is very normal, Missy. You went through a lot <3
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  #15  
July 8th, 2012, 06:56 PM
dreamer10's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Utah
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Missy...like everyone else said...very very normal. We all have LOST a person, or several persons near and dear to us. Just because we didn't get to spend living time with them, doesnt mean we dont feel the ache of their absence. As moms I believe that we bond with our children when we find out they are coming. My sweet David will always be near and dear to my heart, as will all my children. I wish I knew thier genders, but my babies they will always be. Someday I will see them again, and what a grand reunion it will be! In the meantime, I look to the sky, breath in some sunshine, dream of what they may look like and wait another day. In the meantime my living children get some extra loves, which they enjoy too!
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Our rainbow baby Brynlee Sue was born August 17th after four heartbreaking loses! Life is an amazing journey. Hang on, keep your faith and try to always move forward!
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  #16  
July 8th, 2012, 07:29 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Just thinking about you, and want to send love and hugs. Those days of thinking of our loss's can be overwhelming at times, I go through the same thing. Normal and just a part of the long term greiving we do.
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  #17  
July 9th, 2012, 04:48 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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Missy! I agree with the others. I don't think after losing a child/children that the pain, anger, sadness never leave you. You are a scared woman after going through it and forever changed. I think that is one of the reasons it brings so many women from all different lifestyles, countries and times in life and draws them together. With that being said sometimes I think it is best to seek out some help. If nothing else it gives you someone IRL to talk to, someone who can let you speak freely of your feelings and who will help you process them.
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