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A quick vent/woe is me moment (m/c mentioned)


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  • 1 Post By ashj_1218
  • 1 Post By Shadeauxe
  • 1 Post By melissalaw

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  #1  
September 21st, 2012, 03:50 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
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I thought you ladies, especially since many of you already have children, would understand and forgive my rant 'cause i have to vent this somewhere!

So bad enough that we had this m/c after we thought everything was ok...we told no one (not even Savannah) about the pregnancy so told no one about the loss, although I might at some point I don't know.

Earlier this week, Savannah's preschool teacher pulls DH aside when he dropped her off and said "I'm not sure how to ask this, but Savannah's been telling us that her mommy has a baby in her tummy so we were wondering if congrats were in order?" Thankfully my husband had to deal with this, and cleared up no we're not pregnant. By way of background, twins in her daycare class are about to become big sisters (their mom is due any day) so we figured she must have picked this up from them probably saying their mommy has a baby in her tummy, and i honestly didn't think anything else about it.

Yesterday I pick Savannah up from school and one of the afternoon teaching assistant grabs me and says "I hope this isn't inappropriate, but are you pregnant? Savannah's been telling everyone all day she's going to be a big sister" This is so awkward for me, i almost teared up, but I said "i think it's wishful thinking b/c of the twins...blah blah blah". When I got Savannah into the car, I said to her "Savannah, do you understand Mommy doesn't have a baby in her tummy? I don't want you to tell people that" and my poor sweet daughter looks absolutely crushed, and says "but I NEED to be a big sister mommy!" So I told her I'd try to make her one but I was just so heartbroken...so many kids probably don't think about having a sibling or care, but mine is desperate to have one - she adores & is obsessed with babies - and I don't have the heart to tell her she may not get to be one, obviously we're about to start TTC again but at this point after all these losses I can't even be optimistic about it.

This morning DH drops her off, and yet another teacher asks him if i'm expecting because Savannah apparently kept singing about how she's going to be a big sister during music class, so of course, the music teacher wanted to know. I'm actually fearful to walk into her school because it's like reopening a wound every time someone asks me....seriously, it would be funny if it wasn't so awful!

Rant over, thanks for reading this far
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  #2  
September 21st, 2012, 08:36 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
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I can totally see why that would be so difficult for you. Are you sure she didn't know?

Well all my losses were early so we told Scarlett she was getting a new sibling and now we are trying to get her to understand her brother went to heaven.
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  #3  
September 22nd, 2012, 05:37 AM
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I'm sorry, Lara! That must be awful!
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  #4  
September 22nd, 2012, 08:23 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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I can totally relate. Half the times my kids knew I was pg before I did. Though we never confirmed, the little ones just knew. I think the easiest thing would be to sit Savannah down and explain that you know she really wants to be a big sister but telling people a lie, hurts mommy. She doesn't need to know why.
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  #5  
September 22nd, 2012, 11:16 AM
mom2moose
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I'm sorry, that must be so hard.
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  #6  
September 22nd, 2012, 12:55 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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Oh my I am so sorry. That has to be like salt in the wound...all those people asking if you are pregnant. How hard.

And I understand why you are upset for savannah. She sounds like she really does have some wishful thinking going on, which I have seen before while teaching preschool (we had kids who told us they got a dog, were going to Disney world, had new siblings, etc only to find out it was in their heads). She may have picked up some subtle hints about a baby and now is running with it in her mind.

I don't think there is anything you can do about it currently. Other than let DH pick her up as much as possible and let this play out til she moves on. And maybe by then, you WILL have a sibling growing for her. It will happen for you. You are in my constant prayers!
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  #7  
September 24th, 2012, 07:17 AM
Shadeauxe's Avatar It's me
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Get a shirt that says "No, I am not pregnant!" No one will bother you anymore.
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  #8  
September 24th, 2012, 07:17 AM
Shadeauxe's Avatar It's me
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Get a shirt that says "No, I am not pregnant!" No one will bother you anymore.

Also, as far as your daughter goes, maybe she is having a precognition.
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  #9  
September 24th, 2012, 08:08 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Lara I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Hopefully Courtney is right and Savannah is having a precognition. And please go ahead and vent away anytime, that's what we are here for.
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  #10  
September 24th, 2012, 08:15 AM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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thanks so much, i'm feeling better about the whole thing - she's just really REALLY excited for her friends (who i find out this morning are expecting baby sister to arrive Friday) it was just awkward and if it had happened a few months from now when loss wasn't quite so recent i'd have probably laughed it off.

Courtney - you always make me laugh, i will hope she's a psychic in the making now
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Lara

Savannah Stylin!





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  #11  
September 24th, 2012, 08:38 AM
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Being asked that constantly must hurt so much

I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better... I hope Courtney is right!!! And I completely agree, vent away!
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  #12  
September 24th, 2012, 03:16 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Aww Lara, I'm so sorry. That must be so hard for you.
On a side note, the T-Shirt idea sounds great! Even better, one for your daughter that says "No I'm not going to be a big sister yet, it's just wishful thinking"!
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  #13  
September 28th, 2012, 08:39 PM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh mama, I'm so sorry! Hugs and love
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  #14  
October 2nd, 2012, 09:56 AM
martilynne's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry
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