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I cringe everytime


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
October 13th, 2012, 04:26 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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Someone posts that they are spotting/bleeding. Not because it's happening, but because others post stories about how it happened to them and everything is fine. I feel like they are just giving false hope.
While I do know some spotting is normal, I also know it can be a miscarriage. Am I just a pessimist?
It is so hard to hold back and not tell them to not get their hopes up.
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  #2  
October 13th, 2012, 05:18 PM
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I think if I remember the stats, about 50% of the time, red blood without cramping means miscarriage. It definitely means m/c is more likely than otherwise, but unless it is a full period-like flow with cramps, it is not certain. I had tons of heavy bleeding with M but never any cramps, there was a subchorionic hematoma or something. I thought it was all over multiple times. Esp the time I passed a plum sized clot and soaked an overnight pad in like 5 seconds. My OB said he had had one previous patient bleed that much and have a healthy baby, but only one. It is rare.
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  #3  
October 13th, 2012, 06:27 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Same here. And when people talk about being reassured by symptoms since I had symptoms out the wazoo with my loss.
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  #4  
October 13th, 2012, 07:18 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I used to feel that way too, until my last two babys had spotting and horrible cramping. I mean, with this pregnancy, I spotted (quite a bit) HORRIBLE cramping, temp drops, blood draw that showed a 66hr double rate (14-16dpo, the ones after that were in the 30hr double rates).......I chalked it up to a definite m/c.....I had two small SCH's.......But here I am, 32wks+ with the most perfect baby boy. Now when I see those posts, I actually do feel some hope for them, not a lot, but some.

I also am more pesimistic than others when it comes to symptoms less than perfect. Its hard not to be after so many loss's.
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  #5  
October 13th, 2012, 08:52 PM
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However I did spot through the entire first trimester of my pregnancy with Peter, and there is no harm in thinking positively...
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  #6  
October 13th, 2012, 09:40 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
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I've had spotting/bleeding in pregnancies too and everything was fine. That's why it hurt even more when I miscarried, because I was assured it was normal and everything was fine.
I just feel like by not saying "well, it could be a miscarriage" it hurts more if it happens.
I'll just continue to not say anything and only offer stories of how everything turned out fine. I'll also continue to cringe every time.
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  #7  
October 13th, 2012, 09:52 PM
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I have in the past said that miscarriage could be possible and got nasty pms saying I was insensitive. I usually don't respond anymore.
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  #8  
October 14th, 2012, 03:44 AM
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I tried to be supportive but like Erica, I never responded to people spotting. Though except for the twin miscarriage, I never spotted until the baby was gone.

Having said that, I still checking for spotting at each bathroom break..Bad habit
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  #9  
October 14th, 2012, 07:25 AM
Leanne78's Avatar Nov 2012 DDC Co-Host
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I know how you feel because I was definitely like that through my 4 losses. Every single one started with brown spotting. So anytime someone posted about brown spotting, I cringed because everyone told them brown was good and it meant it was old blood. I also cringe when people say a line is a line because I've watched lines fade out too many times and no a line isn't a line. With this pregnancy, I had brown and bright red spotting during weeks 7-10 and there really was nothing wrong which shocked me. So now, I'm a little more optimistic about it, but I still don't like just telling someone it's ok. They need to know it could be nothing, but it could be something and they need to keep an eye on it.
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  #10  
October 14th, 2012, 07:52 AM
LiamsMother's Avatar Amanda (Amahnda)
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I'm one of those people that talks about my positive outcome despite heavy bleeding. I had no idea that this could be interpreted as giving false hope. When I was going through the heavy bleeding, hearing other womens' stories of the same happening but with a happy ending did give me hope, and that helped me get through that time. All I want is to let people know that heavy bleeding does not always mean doom. That's a piece of information that I appreciated hearing and I'd like to pass that on to others who are possibly going through the same thing. I never intend on harming people's emotions by giving them "false hope".
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  #11  
October 14th, 2012, 11:36 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Amber, I remember you posting a goodbye thread and look at you now!

I don't think it's wrong to give hope to people, I know the hope meant a lot to me when I was miscarrying and didn't know it yet. I just cringe when it's all hope and support and not saying that there could be something wrong.
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  #12  
October 14th, 2012, 12:13 PM
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I think I know what thread you're referring to, and I'm sure my post is one of the ones you're referencing as giving false hope. I understand how you feel, but I don't think of it as giving false hope. As someone who has had multiple losses and still has not yet held a baby in their arms, that's not something I'd ever want to do. You're right that spotting/bleeding can be a sign of a miscarriage, but it's also true that it's not always the case. Maybe as much as 50% of the time it's not the case (at least, that's the statistic my OB gives me - I'm not sure I think it's quite that high). I've had three losses and one viable pregnancy (this current one), and I've had more on/off bleeding and FAR more persistant uterine cramping with this pregnancy than with any of my losses. I was terrified my entire first trimester with this pregnancy, in part because of my losses (and how hard I had to fight to get pregnant to begin with) but also because I was cramping constantly and had bleeding episodes for several weeks before I learned the cause was an SCH. It was VERY helpful and reassuring for me to learn that not all early pregnancy bleeding means a miscarriage. Granted, I was a ball of nerves before this pregnancy even began, and it only got worse when I lost the twin early on, but I think I would have been pretty close to non-functioning through those first 13-14 weeks without the knowledge that seeing blood didn't automatically mean I was losing the baby.

I would never suggest to anyone that their bleeding/spotting/cramping means nothing, because it has sometimes meant miscarriage (or an otherwise non-viable pregnancy) for me in the past. Depending on the description someone gives in their post, though, I may respond and let them know that bleeding isn't always a sign of a miscarriage - that there are other issues that cause bleeding, and pregnancies may still be viable even with bleeding. Depending on what is posted I may also share information about losses and how those presented for me. Basically, I'll offer whatever info I have at my disposal if I think it could help someone understand what *could* be happening in their case, because when I was going through both my losses and the early part of this pregnancy I wanted as much information as possible to help me make sense of what was occuring. Everyone is seeking different things when they post on a forum like this, I suppose; I just try to offer what was most helpful for me.
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  #13  
October 14th, 2012, 03:08 PM
martilynne's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This is my 5th pregnancy and 2nd viable baby. My 2 miscarriages I had absolutely no spotting whatsoever. I had some brown spotting when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with Lilly but it stopped a couple days later. I don't know if my body knew there was something wrong with her or what...No spotting with Jax and then I had red blood at 8 weeks for a day this pregnancy. I had my viability u/s the next day and there was no sign of anything that could've caused the blood.

I think since I didn't have spotting with my miscarriages and I did have spotting in 2 pregnancies that I didn't miscarry I'm not sure what to think. I do try to be positive and usually just post that they will be in my thoughts and prayers (and they are). I do try to post because I have made those spotting posts before and appreciated the support so I try to do the same for others.
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  #14  
October 15th, 2012, 05:51 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I completely understand. I feel the same way. Early pregnancy is so hard but I don't think it is wrong to give others hope by telling them your stories of having bleeding during pregnancy that resulted in a baby. I know for me the posts about bleeding always made me really nervous because I thought about that happening to me. I would usually stay away from the post about losses and bleeding early in my pregnancy because it would just make me too nervous.
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  #15  
October 15th, 2012, 09:09 AM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
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in my own experience, i never EVER beat the odds, i always if anything beat the good odds to have a tiny % bad odds experience. For me bleeding has always ended in a loss, even where OB wasn't concerned...and symptoms have had virtually no impact on outcome (i get horrendously sick and still lose, lose, lose).

But that said, I remember with my first loss being so desperate for any glimmer of hope, any comfort - however slight the chance - that it wasn't going to end in a loss. So it doesn't bother me when others provide their good outcome stories - that's their truth, their reality...they beat the odds while I don't. And I can't say it won't happen for the poster who raises the question...although most have ended up in TTCAL with me, I can point to examples of ladies who were bleeding at same time I was and are now holding their babies.

Where I do respond to them, I don't mention my experience but I recommend they immediately tell their doctor what's happening and wish them luck...while for many it may already be too late, there's always a few who defy the odds & get their happy ending.
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