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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
October 14th, 2012, 03:48 PM
kaylakay's Avatar Love Being A Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 1,463
In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of having babies close together in age?

Ava is a little over 4 months and we are deciding if we want to try again soon or not.
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  #2  
October 14th, 2012, 04:21 PM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,741
My oldest 2 are 17 months apart and it was extremely hard to have 2 in diapers at one time. It was also very expensive. I also felt like I took away some mommy/baby bonding time with my oldest.

With that being said, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Plus I got my oldest two out of the way quickly. They do however do not get along and fight like cats and dogs. Lol. It all depends on you.
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  #3  
October 14th, 2012, 04:28 PM
mom2moose
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Mine are 3 years apart and I love it. For me, I for sure wanted them at least 2 years apart, just for my own sanity. LOL
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  #4  
October 14th, 2012, 04:56 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Pros of close in age:
- they can play together and will share more interests
- get to reuse all baby/maternity gear without much downtime
- can pack in more kids if you want a big family, or move out of the baby stage faster if you don't

Cons:
- if <18 months apart, higher risk of prematurity; physically harder on mom, nutrient stores may be low
- two in diapers, more work when both are very young
- may be more competitive or have resentment since mom has divided attention

I wanted around 2 year spacing and hopefully this pregnancy will work out and they will be 25 months apart!! we started trying when M was almost a year old but I didn't even get a PPAF until a few months ago.
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  #5  
October 15th, 2012, 03:52 AM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,349
I had my first 2 (20yrs ago) 2yrs apart, not so bad when your young! They did not get along until they were 16 and 18, lol......the next one was 5yrs after my second, and it was absolutely wonderful on everyone in the family! The 4th one was 3yrs later, again, wonderful on everyone!

I have now had my 5th baby, 8yrs after my 4th, again WONDERFUL! My 6th was 14mo later, very hard on me (Im old now though) but the girls are already super close and love it! Plus I think your fertility after having a baby is super high! My 7th is now due 13 mo after my last and again, conceiving just months after birth has proven to be excellent again. Having 3 under 2yrs of age though and all in diapers........stay tuned for crazy lady rants to come! My high risk Dr. said as long as 3 months has gone by since birth, your body is totally is ready to have a healthy pregnancy (vaginal birth that is)
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  #6  
October 15th, 2012, 05:31 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,298
Mine are 3 years apart and it has been really good for us. Jackson my 3 year old was potty trained before Jacob was born so we didn't have two in diapers. Jackson can also do somethings for himself so that has helped when I'm busy with Jacob. Although I think we are going to try for another one sooner that that this time. We want one more and we are a bit older so we want to go ahead and try for another one.

I think it is good to have them close together also so they will be able to play together.
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  #7  
October 15th, 2012, 05:56 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,650
I have as little as 19m apart and as long as 40m (this LO and #6), I prefer 3 years apart. They are able to be pottied trained and it's not as hard "lugging" around a toddler and infant. Though I do think it was easier for jealousy with the LOs being closer in age. Having said that, we've never done it again. 3 years is our minimum gap. I do think this gap is too much but it wasn't up to us. #6 is going to be the worst with jealousy I think.
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  #8  
October 15th, 2012, 08:51 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,392
Pros:
-gear is still in good shape, toys/gear is similar in age range (no Legos for the baby to eat, no need to have both Nintendo and rattles out at the same time)
-sleepless nights are done together, get them over with (also a negative, depending on your personality)
-clothes can be passed down/still in style and good condition/car seats not expired
-stages are blended (preschool years done and over, then move on to elementary...no middle schooler with a newborn)
-they could potentially share interests and friends as they grow
-they might be close (no guarantee)
-less jealousy..no memory of a time before baby

Cons:
-physically hard on mom (not just pregnancy and recovery, but constant carrying of multiple kids, loading into car seats, etc)
-difficult to meet two needs at once...toddlers aren't good at patience and neither are newborns, easy to get overwhelmed
-possible need for MORe gear, if the crib is still needed by older baby
-difficult adjustment for older child, who doesn't understand the baby being there
-lack of sleep for parents, hard to care for two in the middle of the night
-costs of diapers if using disposable...sheer amount of time spent changing diapers
-travel requires lots of planning and stuff (it's rather hard traveling with a toddler and infant...worse than I thought...two port-a-cribs, two high chairs, lots of diapers, lots of clothes, stroller for two, etc, etc)

I am sure there are ton I can't think of currently. My first two are almost 23 months apart. My second two are slated to be 19-20 months apart. Clearly I don't mind close-in-age, since I am doing it again. And if we chose to have a fourth...it will be around 2yrs apart as well. It fits mt personality. There are days where I just want two seconds of peace and quiet. There are days where I feel badly for neglecting one child over the other (in cases of sickness or whatnot). There are nights where I am up double the time I would be if my first child were older and not teething/having nightmares/needing a paci that fell. But on the whole, this is good for us.
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  #9  
October 15th, 2012, 09:05 AM
dreamer10's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,084
Out of my ten children I have some that are 4 years apart and some that are 14 months apart. The closer the better in my opinion. You are already in baby mode, whether you have one or three in diapers at once, at least you get potty training over with quicker and the closer the siblings are in age the better. Yes they fight, but they are each others best friends too. No matter where we go or what we do my kids have each other. My oldest daughter is four years older then the rest and she often feels "out of place". So...do what you feel is best for your family, but I would just do it if it were me!
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  #10  
October 15th, 2012, 11:38 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,636
I'll give you a different perspective... I'm the oldest child and I have a sister that is 14 months younger than me and a brother that is 32 months younger than me. So we were all in diapers at the same time. But we were all three very close, both as we grew up and now that we're older. We moved around a lot too, so it was nice to have someone to play with all the time.

I'm going to be turning 38 right around the time that Regan comes. We know we want at least one more. So we won't be waiting too long... my guess is that by the time she's six months old we'll be pregnant again. Which scares me but also sounds like a lot of fun!
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  #11  
October 15th, 2012, 01:04 PM
martilynne's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 12,593
I'm not sure. I wanted our kids to be a little closer in age than they are going to be (just over 2 years). My brother and I are 20 months apart and we've always been close. I really hope that my boys will be just as close. I'm also due around the same time of year so I'm excited to be able to reuse my maternity clothes and Jax's baby clothes since they will be the right season.
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  #12  
October 16th, 2012, 01:08 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 10,797
My older kids are curently 22,16 and 11. I HATE their spacing. My verson of he ll was Disneyland with a 3, 7 and 14. They could never be happy at the same movie, restaurant or activity.

My husband and I have 4, 2 and 1 I loved having Beau and Tessa 13 months apart. Scarlett and Beau are 23 months apart and I liked that too.Scarlett and Tessa are 3 years apart I wasn't so happy with that but Beau is between them.

I haven't found two in diapers an issue at all. We are pretty poor and the expense isn't to bad. My issue is being pregnant and poopy diapers. I have been lucky they are all decent sleepers.

I was very sad I dry up when I get pregnant so that impacted my nursing relationship.
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  #13  
October 16th, 2012, 08:30 PM
Jessghetti's Avatar New Mommy in Training
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 552
Im planning on going 2 -3 years spacing before having my next, as the youngest child and having two siblings 10+ years age gap I can tell you it wasn't very fun. Grew up almost like an only child and my mom hated having to 'start over' with a baby when her other two were half-grown.

My husband also had large-age gaps with his siblings and hated it too, so I know that's not something we will be doing.

Again though, not a fan of having kids TOO close to together either, for me I think it'd be too much but to each their own.
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