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Fearful of pregnancy and motherhood after my little sisters murder.


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
November 15th, 2012, 06:24 PM
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 11
On August 19, 2012 my beautiful little sister was murdered. Three months later I find myself 8 weeks pregnant and terrified. This baby is a miracle. After months of failed fertility drugs and being told that baby number two was never going to happen without IVF, miscarriages etc. We just gave up. Then by some miracle I got pregnant. I immediately began grieving my sister all over again. She wanted me to have another baby so bad and now she was gone and I was pregnant. I'm so scared to miscarry my little sisters last gift to me that I am scared to breath, scared to move, scared to sneeze too hard. Logically I know this pregnancy is good, I'm already showing quit a bit, I've heard the baby's heart beat and the doctor said other than low progesterone levels that I'm on meds for, everything appears normal and healthy. The problem is I just can't get past my fear of losing what, to me, is the last piece of my little sister I'll ever have.

Last edited by TexasEMTB; November 15th, 2012 at 06:37 PM. Reason: Typo
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  #2  
November 15th, 2012, 06:35 PM
zkat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,743
Hey, glad you found your way here. Big hugs to you. We are here to listen to you anytime!
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  #3  
November 15th, 2012, 06:36 PM
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 11
Thanks Z
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  #4  
November 15th, 2012, 07:16 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Hey there, I am here too

I think it is really hard to be pregnant so soon after a tragic death of someone close to you. I have a friend who got pregnant super soon after the loss of her mom, who she was REALLY close to, and it did take her a long time to connect to the pregnancy as this natural thing that wasn't emotionally loaded. It just takes time. Eventually it will feel mundane and normal and you will hopefully be able to relax a lot more. Maybe think about how your sister would want you to feel, what you imagine she would say to you if she could. It is a tough journey, but your belly bean looks good and that is great to know!
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  #5  
November 15th, 2012, 07:42 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
I had 4 losses and the doctors said that my eggs were too aged and I would not be able to have another baby. We kept trying and many thought we were crazy. My biggest advocate in real life was my mother in law. She would listen to me cry, wipe my tears and one rainy day we went for a walk holding hands and she told me not to give up...

She died on an operating table during a very routine surgery. When we got the call I was shocked. I cried so hard... my world was crumbling once again. The day of her funeral I found out I was pregnant with Scarlett.

I understand EXACTLY what you are feeling. It is more than the pain of fertility, it is more than the pain of loss... it was more like a gift from my mother in law. One thing that was special between the 2 of us. Like a part of her was with me.

Oh, I understand. ((hugs)) The only thing I can say is 1 day at a time.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #6  
November 15th, 2012, 07:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,259
Im so sorry. Im sure this is so difficult. I think viewing it as a gift from her is great. Just give yourself time, there is no right or wrong way to feel. You can always share your feelings here. These ladies are great at listening. I will keep you in my prayers.
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  #7  
November 16th, 2012, 03:41 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,650
Congratulations and sorry for the loss of your sister.
I'm not sure if you are religious and if this will offend you but I've always been told God works in mysterious ways.

Dh lost his grandmother a few weeks after we found out we were pg. Only one that knew was his grandparents. When she was born months later, I looked at her and said she looks nothing like me or DH. A few weeks later we brought her to see his grandfather and he immediately said, his grandmother was back. I guess my daughter is a spitting imagine of her. Because of my daughter, he got the will to live again and lived for another 5 years. She is still a spitting imagine of her and her personality is just like hers. We do think she was sent to keep her memory alive within us..
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  #8  
November 16th, 2012, 05:57 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 13,609
I am so sorry for what you have been through. Pregnancy after any loss is very difficult. I'm so glad that things seem to be going good for this pregnancy and hopefully it will continue that way. I'm so glad that you found your way here, as this place is what helped me deal with all my fears during my pregnancy. Please know that we are here for you to offer support and help in anyway we can.
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  #9  
November 16th, 2012, 07:33 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
on your pregnancy. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. The others gave great advice. I can't imagine what you're going through.
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  #10  
November 16th, 2012, 11:16 AM
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 11
Thank y'all so much for your support. It's hard to explain to most people. Even my husband doesn't understand why I'm not as happy with this pregnancy as I was with our daughter. I'm hoping that the happiness will kick in soon an I can let go of the fear and sadness. Having y'all to talk to will help. Thank you
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  #11  
November 16th, 2012, 11:27 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 13,609
The happiness will come. I know for me after I could find baby's heartbeat on the doppler and I started to feel him move, I got very happy and excited.
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  #12  
November 16th, 2012, 12:43 PM
princess136's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 633
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. I am a fellow Houstonian and just wanted to tell you that this is the perfect board to come too. This whole site is wonderful and the DDC's are wonderful as well, I hope you join one if you haven't already. The amount of support is tremendous and it is truly amazing the number of people who have possibly gone through the same type of situation with a loss and pregnancy.

I want to wish you all the luck in your pregnancy and I want to send prayers to you for healing in the loss of your sister.
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~Kristin~
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  #13  
November 16th, 2012, 12:50 PM
mom2moose
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Posts: n/a
Wow. That is a lot. Your feelings and fear seems totally "normal" to me. I would be terrified too. I'm so sorry about your sister. How tragic. Congrats on your pregnancy!!
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  #14  
November 18th, 2012, 06:45 PM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,741
I am also a fellow Houstonian, so there are some of us close to you. We were also told we would never conceive without IVF, and the 2nd cycle after our failed IVF attempt we found out that we were expecting naturally. I was shocked to say the least. He was 4 years in the making too. You'll be happy when you feel the baby move and you have him/her in your arms. Loss is hard when you are pregnant. Loss is hard period.
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