Log In Sign Up

Glad I found this board...can I hang out with you?


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 31st, 2012, 04:52 PM
Papasgirl's Avatar Down Syndrome Pregnancy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 4,503
Hello. My name is Stefanie. I am currently pregnant with my 7th child, but this will be my 10th pregnancy in total. I got a BFP at 8dpo, so I have known for over two weeks now, and i feel like this has been the longest two and half weeks of my life. I have had three consecutive losses this year, the first two being "chemical" and the last was a loss at 8 weeks. I have been tested for all of the blood disorders and what not and "luckily" everything turned out normal....but unlucky for me, it had been repeatedly stated that my age is the culprit. I will be 41 in two weeks. Mind you, I delivered a healthy baby at age 38 and another at age 39. My last delivery was in sept of 11, was pregnant by Feb of 12 and then the losses began. I am super nervous about this pregnancy. I am even too terrified to go to the midwife. I will, of course. I have finally gotten up the courage to call on Wednesday to schedule an appt and an ultrasound. I specifically am trying to wait it out on the ultrasound until at least 7 weeks so there will be no mistaking "if" there is a baby or "if" there is a heartbeat. With my last ultrasound, I went in at 6w4d and saw a slow beat of 98 with baby measuring a week behind. i went in a few days later due to spotting and saw a still little bean I find myself constantly overthinking symptoms....why don't I have them or why do the ones I have not last all day ...blah blah. I just really wish I could have some peace of mind for five minutes. I hope and pray with all I have that this little baby makes it and I get to hold him or her in August. Thanks for listening.
__________________
Stefanie, Wife to Paul, Mom to cailyn (13), caleigh (12), cameron (11) christopher (8), Lilly (3) and Emma(2) and Staci born 12/19/13
3/12/12 5/9/12 7/05/2012 1/24/13

Baby Girl Anastasia is my Rainbow!! Diagnosed with T21...
We will journey together
Reply With Quote
  #2  
December 31st, 2012, 07:58 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,622
Hi Stefanie! I remember you from either the PL board or the TTCAL one... I can't remember which. I'm so glad you're pregnant again, but I totally understand the fears. For about the first 10 weeks of this pregnancy, I just kept waiting to miscarry, basically. I even got mad sometimes because I felt like the inevitable was just hanging over me and I wanted to get it over with and not get too attached to this baby. But so far, that hasn't happened and I'm starting to feel pretty attached, and pretty secure about my baby's health but also still scared about the future. I think after you have a loss you just can't be that happy go lucky pregnant woman anymore. There's nothing wrong with that, I mean sure, try to be positive when you can, but I think there just comes an accepting of your feelings as being a result of your loss and then you just sort of wait with baited breath for the end result of your pregnancy. I hope with all my heart this is a sticky one and that you will get to hold him or her in your arms in about 8 1/2 months or so. I think if it's anything like how it went for me, once you get several weeks past your latest loss date then you start to feel more secure. You always find something to worry about, but you feel less dread and more anticipation as it gets further along.

For myself, since I'm not so worried about losing this baby, my worries have switched to feeling like I should prepare for this baby to be born really early. I keep holding out for that magic week where they say your baby would be viable if it was born early. I hear that's around 23 weeks, so I'm holding out for that. I keep feeling like I should prepare and have everything ready in case he comes sooner rather than later. Although there's no reason that should happen, it will probably just be a regular normal pregnancy like my son was. But that's just where my worry has centered on, so that's what I'm preoccupied with. I guess it's something to keep my mind off of the darker worries.

I'm so glad you're here! I wish I could give you a big hug. Wouldn't it be nice to just be in suspended animation until the baby is born? Just fast forward life...then you could skip the worry. But once you get to hold your rainbow baby I think you will feel it was worth it.
__________________


Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
Reply With Quote
  #3  
January 1st, 2013, 03:58 AM
Papasgirl's Avatar Down Syndrome Pregnancy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 4,503
Thanks so much for your kind words. You literally got exactly how I feel. I used to wake up in the morning with my past pregnancies with excitement....being pregnant and having that encompass my day was so great and i literally became addicted to being pregnant and all the greatness of it and then that little baby at the end...ahh! But now I wake up, like I did today, dreading another long day....worrying everytime I use the bathroom if i will find blood. wondering if today will be my last day of being pregnant. I go back and forth. One minute I am thinking, ok, this may be the one that I get to keep, and within two seconds, I am right back to literal fear and dread. I guess I did this to myself. Finding out so early really has been a mental drain. 8dpo, or three weeks....so all the fear of "what if AF shows" then the joy that it didn't come, but now the fear of..."well it wont be termed a chemical, now it will be a miscarriage." I just feel like its inevitable. I hate that word....Miscarriage.....its so totally non descript. I guess I can worry until the end, whatever that may be, but I won't know until i know. I just want an ultrasound so I can see for myself. Seeing is believing. Ugh! These days are long. Anyway, thanks for understanding
__________________
Stefanie, Wife to Paul, Mom to cailyn (13), caleigh (12), cameron (11) christopher (8), Lilly (3) and Emma(2) and Staci born 12/19/13
3/12/12 5/9/12 7/05/2012 1/24/13

Baby Girl Anastasia is my Rainbow!! Diagnosed with T21...
We will journey together
Reply With Quote
  #4  
January 1st, 2013, 08:19 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,622
I totally get that. And I don't think any of what you're feeling is your fault...how could you not find out as early as possible? I remember well the TTC weeks/months and how that two week wait dragged on and on...I mean when you really want a baby after you've had a loss, you're watching every part of it from beginning to end. Sure, it does make the wait a little longer because you know so early. But I personally couldn't wait and not know whether I was pregnant or not. That would be torture too!
Anyway a few weeks on one side or the other I don't think makes a difference...if you didn't know till after your missed period, then you'd still be worrying like crazy for the rest of the pregnancy. It's so long to wait, isn't it?
__________________


Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
Reply With Quote
  #5  
January 1st, 2013, 08:24 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,259
So glad you are here with us. I completely understand what you are going through. Pregnancy after a loss is a very difficult and scary thing and you overanalyze every little thing. Please let us know how your first ultrasound goes. I'll be praying that you get good results.
__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy
Reply With Quote
  #6  
January 2nd, 2013, 11:21 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,242
So glad you found your way here! Fingers crossed for a sticky bean for you, the wait really does "JUST PLAIN SUCK", for lack of better words.
__________________
4/2008 8/2011



Reply With Quote
  #7  
January 3rd, 2013, 12:53 AM
lindsey2000k's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,965
Send a message via Yahoo to lindsey2000k
Welcome and PAL is so hard. I use to be so upset that I never had a worry free everything is all roses and sunshine pregnancy like all my friends since my first pregnancy ended in loss.

Wishing you a H&H 9 months!
__________________




http://lindseysphotography.com/
Reply With Quote
  #8  
January 4th, 2013, 06:09 AM
martilynne's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 12,593
Welcome and congrats
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #9  
January 4th, 2013, 08:10 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,950
Wow! 7 children! You could have your own baseball team!

Don't think it's your age. My OB told me this past spring that she delivered a healthy baby to a healthy 50 yr old mommy and she works with many 40+ mothers to be.

I really thought it was my age too (not far behind you) and I met with a geneticist this past fall and she said that the risk of MC goes up a fraction of a percent when you are 40 and then again when you are 43 and then 45 and so on. SO literally the normal risk at 30 is .38 and at 35 it's .70 and at 40 it's 1.03 and at 43 it's 1.30. So you see, that is still only a 1% chance.
So your age really has nothing to do with it. Also, remember the statistics. Say the stats are 1 out 10 cars (not drivers) get into a car accident. And you own 5 cars. Your chances of having an accident are higher than someone with 1 car. Unfortunately, it's the law of averages and no one is really exempt.

That probably doesn't make you feel any better. It doesn't make me feel any better. The best advice that was given to me was to take one day at a time, so that's what I'm trying to do.
__________________
Leia 41 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
Reply With Quote
  #10  
January 5th, 2013, 02:24 PM
ninja_mommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Oahu
Posts: 7,228
we were in Feb DDC together. I was so happy to see your bfp! PAL is hard as the others said. After talking Athens my counselor I decided to take the approach of "I'm going to enjoy this as long as it lasts" approach. Its worked well so far but I still check the TP every time for any trace of bleeding every time I go to the bathroom
__________________

Oct '11 June '12
Reply With Quote
  #11  
January 6th, 2013, 04:12 AM
Papasgirl's Avatar Down Syndrome Pregnancy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 4,503
Thank you all so much for all of your reassuring words. It has literally been a roller coaster every single day. Ninja_mommy, first of all, your little girl is so beautiful. Dh better get a shotgun or something because you are going to have to fight them off...lol
I totally remember you from Feb DDC. We both went through such hell at the same time. Who is bleeding? Who is on progesterone? Who has slow rising numbers? the answer was always...papasgirl and ninja_mommy. UGH!
This time around I do have to say i actually feel pregnant. Last time, i felt strange, like something was wrong inside. I didn't feel pregnant. This time, I am starting to bloat a lot....I already look puffy. I have mild nausea at varying times of the day, which I didn't have any at all last time. I have breast changes and sensitivity, no real pain, but twinges and pangs. I get lower backache, which completely freaks me out and i am ready for a nap, which I can never take, by about 1pm. So I am happy about all of this. My fear is the ultrasound. I have one scheduled for tomorrow....6w4d. I am terrified of a blighted ovum or no HB. So terrified that it makes me nauseous and shaky. My HPTs were great from 8dpo on...great progressions and by 5w the test lines drained the control lines on Anwswer tests. SO I guess I just sit and wait. Keep a prayer or two aside for my little bean for tomorrow at 2pm! Strong heartbeat and accurate growth! I am so nervous.......
Congratulations to you on your pregnancy. 12 weeks is very awesome! That is a huge milestone! I am so happy for you!
__________________
Stefanie, Wife to Paul, Mom to cailyn (13), caleigh (12), cameron (11) christopher (8), Lilly (3) and Emma(2) and Staci born 12/19/13
3/12/12 5/9/12 7/05/2012 1/24/13

Baby Girl Anastasia is my Rainbow!! Diagnosed with T21...
We will journey together
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:50 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0