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Question about M/Cs - sorry so long

Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss


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  • 1 Post By EverydayJoy
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January 17th, 2013, 08:29 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,050
This is probably the worst thing to feel for anyone, and I'm so sorry that any of us have to be here.

I am still worried about a loss and I have a few questions if anyone is up to answering. Every few days I feel small pains or cramps in my lower abdomen. Many times they are off to the left or right side, but sometimes they are right in the middle. I have no bleeding, yet. But I sense it coming, and like many of you ladies, run to the restroom thinking the worst is happening.

I don't have many symptoms just nausea really, sore yams and tiredness, but I can't even tell how far along I am so I'm not sure what I should be experiencing. Some calendars say 5 wks 5 days, some say 6 wks 4 days and some say 7 wks.

When I was expecting our son, I didn't know I was pregnant until I was past 8 wks. Sometimes I think it's better not to know so you aren't worrying to much.

I scheduled my first appt for after 9 wks. I haven't had an hcg, ultrasound or anything done, mostly because I don't want bad news. With our loss in Sept, I had cramps one day when I was exercising. 5 days later I had a natural miscarriage. My HCG levels at the time of the MC were down to 80. I was barely 5 wks at the time.

So are cramps or pain in the abdomen a sign of things to come? The pain is never severe. And sometimes I don't even realize it's there until I suddenly remember, "Hey! I'm pregnant!" and then I feel the cramps or pain. It is entirely possible that this is all in my head. I haven't even taken an hpt in the past 2 weeks for fear it'll come up negative.

I'm sorry this is so long and I'm so pessimistic. My husband and I are so lucky to have our son and our lives - we've both had fatal diseases that we have beaten and became healthy again. After fighting so many bad things for so long, it's easier to believe the worst will happen. I'm struggling to find any joy in this pregnancy.

Thanks for being here ladies. You are all amazing women!
Leia 41 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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January 17th, 2013, 09:47 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,687
It's normal to have some cramping and even spotting in the first trimester. Isn't that lovely? I had little twinges and pains from time to time, I peed on pregnancy tests so much and would compare to the last one over and over in the first few weeks I knew I was pregnant. Some days my bb's would feel a little bigger, then they'd feel small again, and I'd think I was losing the pregnancy...I was a little crazy in the beginning. I was sure I was going to lose the baby at some point. But here I am at 24 weeks. I think it's just natural to expect an outcome like the last one, from experience. But don't give up! You haven't miscarried yet, and that alone is good news. Hang in there!
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January 17th, 2013, 10:16 AM
AimeeD041727's Avatar PowerPuffGirls
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 1,898
The first 12 weeks are the hardest. I know the feeling of thinking every little pain or even feeling too good meant something was wrong. Nothing is going to calm your nerves but probably talking to your doctor. If you are worried, there is no harm is calling. Praying for your sticky bean!

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January 17th, 2013, 10:21 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,259
So far your symptoms actually sound good to me. Cramping is very normal during the first trimester and even the second as your uterus grows. For most people i hear that the main symptoms of pregnancy dont kick in until around 8 weeks so you may start to feel more pregnant over the next week or 2. I do agree with Joy, it is so hard to not expect a loss. Im 21 weeks and i still check the toilet paper every time i wipe. Things to get a little better the further along you are. Hitting the milestones definatly makes me feel better.
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January 17th, 2013, 03:39 PM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,025
I don't have any advice, but want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending good vibes.
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January 17th, 2013, 04:41 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,281
As everyone else said, cramping and spotting can be normal in pregnancy. I bled throughout the whole first trimester with my son. This time I had quite a bit of cramping. It makes not worrying super hard, but try not to think about it too much. It helps me in the first trimester to try not to think about being pregnant. To find something else to think about. Not very easy though.

I hope time passes quickly until your appointment.
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January 18th, 2013, 07:28 AM
lindsey2000k's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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All very normal. I remember freaking out as well.

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January 18th, 2013, 11:26 AM
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 178
Your symptoms sound totally normal. There will be cramps and pains as the uterus grows, and of course lovely round ligament pain. I was really agonizing the first few weeks with this pregnancy b/c I had such mild symptoms, way milder than what I had with each of my 3 girls. I've also had 3 early losses (5-7 weeks) and was just SURE this one would end in miscarriage as well. I mean, 99.9% CERTAIN of it walking into my ultrasound on Wed. And you know what? I have a perfectly healthy little baby growing inside me! Measuring 6 days ahead of LMP EDD, heartrate in the 160's. I would read people's comments about how every pregnancy is different, lots who said their first pregnancy had no symptoms then later ones did. But this is my SEVENTH pregnancy. ALL of my girls gave me horrible nausea from much earlier on than this. As much as I appreciated the support, it just wasn't convincing to me. So let me tell you, it turns out it is TOTALLY possible to have mild symptoms first trimester, even if you're used to being sick as a dog for weeks at the beginning, and everything be fine. I know when you've experienced loss there is nothing that can take the worry away completely. Just try to reassure yourself that if you aren't bleeding, you are probably fine. Tell yourself not to worry unless you are CERTAIN there is reason to, and that certainty has to involve things like declining hcg levels or multiple ultrasounds showing no growth... That's easy to say, hard to do, but try. I would suggest trying to go in for an ultrasound but if you think you may only be less than 6 weeks, it's probably better to wait a little longer. My OB wanted to bring me in for blood work and then for an u/s at 6 wks. I said I'd prefer to just wait another week b/c I learned the last time, knowing it's coming is not really easier. Waiting on an imminent miscarriage that you know about through early bloodwork/u/s's is pretty horrible too. This time I stressed a LOT in the 3 1/2 weeks from BFP to u/s, but I tried really hard to remind myself stress and worry would not change the outcome. I hope my story gives you hope!
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Cathy - mom to:
Bailey (age 9)
miscarriage Feb 06
Elli (age 4)
miscarriage Sept 09
Audrey (age 2)
miscarriage Aug 12
Baby #4 - BOY!!! - due Aug 31, 2013
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January 18th, 2013, 11:36 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,437
Definitely normal, and with each subsequent pregnancy, your uterus starts stretching earlier, so those pains could be stretching pains already. I had the same thing with my daughter, pains, cramps, even severe bleeding at 8 weeks (that really doesn't help the worrying).

I know you think that it may not help, but maybe it would calm your nerves to have a blood test or early u/s? In any case, I hope that the next few days go by quickly!
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January 18th, 2013, 01:26 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,050
Once again you ladies are awesome! Today I feel absolutely horrible. Headache (not a big deal since I get them almost everyday anyway), stomach cramps (which is exactly how the last MC started) and generally feeling run down.

DH is NO HELP. He constantly tells me to relax and stop worrying. I tell him he might as well not say anything since what he is saying is just plain insulting. There is no way I will stop worrying and he doesn't understand that. He got all insulted and hung up on me. Ignorance is bliss.

Hopefully I'll be in a better mood tomorrow.
Leia 41 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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January 19th, 2013, 09:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,154
Originally Posted by lelila View Post
DH is NO HELP. He constantly tells me to relax and stop worrying.
It p*sses me off to NO END when my husband (or anyone really!) says that to me!! I agree - I'd prefer they not say anything at all if all they are going to do is invalidate the very real and not inappropriate worry I'm feeling.

I'm sorry this is so stressful for you; I really do understand it. I had a miscarriage of a twin early in this pregnancy, and while that loss produced no symptoms, I bled and cramped due to an SCH from 7-14 weeks and was constantly, constantly worried I was losing this baby, too. The fear was absolutely paralyzing.

I have to say: feeling horrible today may be a good sign! The headache, run-down feeling, crankiness, and even the cramping - those are things that could definitely be expected in early pregnancy.

I hope that the coming days pass quickly for you, and that at your first appointment you get the good news that will help to ease your mind. I know it's a tough time, and I wish you strength and peace and calm to get through it. Take care!

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January 19th, 2013, 09:52 AM
Jessghetti's Avatar New Mommy in Training
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 554
Didn't feel 'pregnant' myself until 8 weeks, then the morning-sickness kicked in. I did worry alot about a miscarriage, every pain and ache was very upsetting and stressful.

Your body is changing alot during pregnancy, not only is your uterus growing but you have to realize your ovaries are producing alot of hormones too. I noticed this while I was pregnant and taking birth-control too, my ovaries tend to 'ache', I attribute this to the fact they aren't able to release eggs. Sort of the female version of 'blue-balls' lol!

But yes, it isn't out of the ordinary, I know it feels impossible to relax and just enjoy things, but I look back and wish I had enjoyed my first trimester more. it wasn't until after 24 weeks I started feeling better about my pregnancy with my daughter, by the time I was pretty much relaxed I was so far along I couldn't enjoy things as much as I'd like.

Missing Angels: Sept '11 - 4 weeks & Nov '11 - 4 weeks 3 days
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January 19th, 2013, 10:11 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,687
Ugh telling someone to relax and not worry who has had a loss is like telling them not to breathe. It's just a pat answer and probably feels very patronizing--like, you're just nuts, chill out like the rest of us normal people. Well after you have a loss, a normal pregnancy isn't NORMAL anymore. It's a minefield of anxiety and worries. My pregnancy with this LO has been absolutely perfect but you would never have been able to convince me in the beginning that I was going to get this far. I really only started getting attached to this one when I started feeling him move regularly.
I hope this time passes fast! How you feeling today?

Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
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January 19th, 2013, 04:59 PM
Papasgirl's Avatar Down Syndrome Pregnancy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 4,503
I am so sorry you are feeling this way and i totally and completely understand. I spend literally every waking moment, and I am not exaggerating here, wondering if and when i am going to miscarry. As of today, I am now pregnant the longest since Feb of 12. My last pregnancy ended at 8w1d and I am now 8w2d, so one milestone down. I measured small at my last ultrasound by 5 days, so every free moment i have I am googling that or looking up signs of a missed miscarriage (because i am convinced that is what is happening with me). It has been the longest 6 weeks of my life. Every time i go to the ladies room, I check for blood. I am constantly inspecting my bbs to make sure they are darker around the areola and looking for changes. I have a reason and excuse for every 'symptom' i have that is not pregnancy related and the ones that are related to pregnancy are now signs of miscarriage. It is mind numbiing how it takes over and I have to say that telling you to try to relax is like telling myself the same. It just won't happen. I am here to listen as all of these awesome ladies are. i hope we can offer some comfort of a shoulder to cry on of those who know what you are feeling. My DH cant grasp the fear as much as I do because he isn't living with it inside him. I did explain to him how him telling me to stop worrying is kind of offensive and underminding my feelings and once I did, he realized it. I hope you find solice soon and i figure as long as we are not bleeding and in agonizing pain, we are still good......
Stefanie, Wife to Paul, Mom to cailyn (13), caleigh (12), cameron (11) christopher (8), Lilly (3) and Emma(2) and Staci born 12/19/13
3/12/12 5/9/12 7/05/2012 1/24/13

Baby Girl Anastasia is my Rainbow!! Diagnosed with T21...
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