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I had a healthy baby girl in 2009 and then 2 early miscarriages, one in 2010 and one in 2011. I have PCOS and have issues conceiving.
We are finally pregnant again, 4w3d. My hcg numbers doubled last week, 104 on Tues (13DPO) and 286 on Wed. I am having lower back pain and VERY mild abdomen cramping but otherwise things look fine.
Here is my issue: I can't get excited about the pregnancy. It doesn't feel real. I think that my 2 miscarriages took a bigger toll on my subconcious than I thought, but if I think about a due date or a boy or girl I just feel empty. I feel like it will never happen. THEN worry that maybe I subconciously know something is wrong and will lose the baby. It is SO MESSED UP.
Has anyone been through this? My heart is breaking. I am a full time working mom with a great husband and beautiful, spunky, healthy 3 year old. I am not desperate for another child, but losing these babies so early is killing me. I feel like I have already given up on what is, on paper, a perfectly normal pregancy.
Your not crazy! It never seems real until you see that little beating heart for the first time, then the due date, boy or girl ideas start flooding in. When that happens, it takes you to another vulnerable part of PAL which for me, is worse than the first part. We never feel completely safe until the baby is in our arms. Detachment at this stage is normal for us. A way of protecting are hearts and minds, although nothing can do that really. Like I said, one day at time....thats all we can do.
Totally agree, what you're feeling is normal. In the early weeks of pregnancy, up until about 12 weeks I think, I was pretty much just ready to lose the baby. Everything was fine, like with you, but I just couldn't accept that. I've only had one loss, not two like you, so it's no wonder you don't have any happy feelings yet. For some women they feel more attached once they pass their previous loss date(s). For others, it's when they start feeling baby kick. And others they just can't let themselves get attached till they have a baby in their arms. Just take it one day at a time and don't feel bad if you don't have any happy/excited feelings yet. Try to go easy on yourself!
I agree with others...your feeling are completely normal. I didnt really feel like everything was going to be OK until I hit 20 weeks. I didnt even really announce my pregnancy to the public until I was nearly 28 weeks. You will feel better, it will just take time.
__________________ Sandy-41 years young
Sons Noah12 & Drew 14
Miracle baby Ella arrived Mar 22, 2013
6 losses at 4 to 7 weeks (feb 05, July 10, Oct 10, April 11, Oct 11 Feb 2012)
No explanation for losses
I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. Early pregnancy after loss is so hard and what you are feeling is completely normal. I think most of us on this board have felt the way you are feeling. Your numbers look great so I think that is a good sign. Just remember that you already have one healthy baby so it is possible for you to have a healthy baby and hopefully this will be your little rainbow baby. Do you have an ultrasound set up? Please keep us updated on how your doing and know that we are here for you.