New and scared and sad

GollyMolly · #1 March 19th, 2013, 05:55 AM

Hi guys, my name is Mallory, DH and I became pregnant last year unexpectedly and unfortunately miscarried in Septemeber. We started trying again in November and just this past week we got our BFP. We should be ecstatic and excited and sometimes I am but more often than not I'm scared and sad that I can't stop worrying if everything will be ok. I feel like I'm losing out on enjoying being pregnant. My doctors appointment isn't until April 18th which seems like so far away. How do you all deal with being pregnant again? How can I shake the feeling that this pregnancy is doomed too?

bcogoli · #2 March 19th, 2013, 06:45 AM

Im so sorry for your loss but im really happy that your pregnant again. What your feeling is normal. I had a loss and then 2 babies and then another loss and then this pregnancy where we lost a twin. Pregnancy after loss is really hard. Its hard to not worry all the time and its hard to see that there can be a good outcome. After your appintment you will feel a little better but it takes time to become happier and calmer about the pregnancy. As time goes on and your belly grows you will find it easier to focus on this baby. Im sure this is not what you wanted to hear but its how it went for me. I will keep you in my prayers

EverydayJoy · #3 March 19th, 2013, 09:10 AM

I was in the same boat as you in early pregnancy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now with my rainbow baby, but for the first 10-12 weeks I was pretty much just waiting around to lose this baby. I thought for sure it was going to happen again, and it was like pins and needles just waiting for the other shoe to drop. After I passed my loss date I started to feel a little more secure, and then much more so after I started to feel this baby kick around 19 weeks. That was the most reassuring part for me.
I think you just have to take it as it comes, and try not to beat yourself up for not feeling the way you think you should. Loss changes us. Congratulations on your BFP though! Sending positive thoughts your way.

melissalaw · #4 March 19th, 2013, 10:01 AM

Welcome. I'm so sorry about your loss last year. What you are feeling is unfortunately common in a pregnancy after a loss. I think we have all felt the way you are feeling. My pregnancy after my loss was very hard but thankfully I had alot of support from friends, family and from my dr.

have you talked to your dr about doing some bloodwork to help put your mind at ease? Seeing your HCG increasing could help with some of the anxiety. Also we are here and we have been right where you are so we know exactly what you are going through.

GollyMolly · #5 March 19th, 2013, 12:02 PM

Thank you so much for the support and helping me feel that this is normal. I unfortunately had to change doctors because my insurance changed. I have been thinking of calling them back to see if I can have blood work done or something. I also found a place that does elective ultrasounds near my house for like $40 at 6+ weeks so we're going there in 2 weeks and hopefully I can get some peace of mind.

momof6lopez · #6 March 19th, 2013, 04:28 PM

PAL is very difficult, no matter how many rainbow baby's you have brought home since loss. I kind of stay in a daze until the second trimester. I dont think we can ever get the innocence of pregnancy back and all that beauty, but we do find our good moments to smile and have joy for. Just embrace the good days and tell yourself tomorrow is another day.......another day pregnant, another day closer to holding our rainbow baby!

melissalaw · #7 March 20th, 2013, 09:05 AM

Let us know how the ultrasound goes. I was lucky and my dr did alot of early u/s so I could have peace of mind. Those u/s go along way in helping you deal with your anxiety.

GollyMolly · #8 March 20th, 2013, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melissalaw

Let us know how the ultrasound goes. I was lucky and my dr did alot of early u/s so I could have peace of mind. Those u/s go along way in helping you deal with your anxiety.

I will keep you guys posted. Unfortunately our insurance changed my doctor who I love is no longer in network so my new doctor is one I've never seen before so they refuse to see me until 8 weeks. I actually called crying yesterday and the receptionist said not unless I was bleeding. Wth, I was tempted to call back today and say I had bleeding but I didn't want to jinx anything. I'm going to my general practitioner next week for a well visit so I'm goinh to convince them to order betas at the very least.

suzy4gt · #9 March 20th, 2013, 03:32 PM

This is very normal. I posted something very similar a few weeks ago. I had a successful pregnancy and two losses and at 7w2d I am still unsettled. I am doing better though, I saw a heartbeat on my u/s today.

Sounds like you need a new doc. Will be praying for you!

lindsey2000k · #10 March 20th, 2013, 05:09 PM

Congrats on your pregnancy. PAL is so hard. I hope you can get some reassurance.

EverydayJoy · #11 March 20th, 2013, 09:09 PM

Your doc's office sucks!! I don't know why they'd refuse to see you, I mean it can only benefit them by getting a paycheck from your insurance. Will your insurance cover you to see anyone else?

humnck · #12 March 21st, 2013, 07:37 AM

I'm sorry you are dealing with that, that is terrible that they can't see you! Did you ask if they would order blood work, tell them that you aren't sure about dates or that your line was very faint and you want to be sure that you get the care you need before the end of the 1st trimester. Wouldn't be jinxing yourself, but might get them to at least order a blood test, so you can have some sort of numbers. Let us know how the u/s goes!

GollyMolly · #13 March 21st, 2013, 10:08 AM

I decided to find a new doc. I figure if they already arenvt listening to my concerns I certainly don't want to have them delivering my baby. Found a new practice made up of mostly women and they were soo much better to me. Got an appointment on april 1st so I'm feeling much better about things.

melissalaw · #14 March 21st, 2013, 10:44 AM

So glad you found a new dr. I can't believe the policy of that other dr. that's just crazy. And so glad you are feeling better about things. Let us know how your appt goes on April 1.

EverydayJoy · #15 March 21st, 2013, 12:47 PM

Good to hear you got a new practice! I would have felt the same way, if they don't want to be bothered with you now, then what about delivery? Hope the new clinic is supportive and helpful.