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Emotionally disconnected?


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  • 1 Post By Ame C

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  #1  
August 6th, 2013, 05:56 PM
Danielle.W's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,684
We had several losses between DD and DS and are expecting again for the first time since DS's birth 3 years ago. I'm feeling completely disconnected and am wondering if this could be because of all the losses?

Did anyone ever have a pregnancy where they just didn't feel pregnant? Not only symptom wise, but emotionally? I ZERO feel pregnant. It feels like nothing is in me, just that I'm waiting for blood. I barely have symptoms so that is probably playing into it but I just don't feel pregnant in my heart. I'm wondering if we're going to get our u/s on Thursday and nothings going to be in there, I just feel empty.

Has anyone else experienced this?
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  #2  
August 6th, 2013, 07:29 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
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I'm so sorry for your losses I personally haven't felt "empty" during pregnancy, although I have had plenty moments of feeling disconnected. I think it has a lot to do with all the early symptoms I get. I've read many times about women who do feel empty, like they aren't pregnant at all. It seems pretty normal for women who have experienced loss. I've even read women who haven't had any losses speak about the same feelings your experiencing. Once you get your first few symptoms and your first ultrasound it helps make things seem real and less of a fantasy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Wishing you a very happy and very healthy 9 months
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  #3  
August 6th, 2013, 11:17 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
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With my pregnancy following a loss, I did definitely feel disconnected. Although, it wasn't the same as you're describing where you don't feel physically pregnant.
I recall being angry that I was still pregnant, because I was sure I was going to lose this one, too, and I was angry it was taking so long and making it a drawn-out slow process. I just wanted it to be over with.
I only had one loss, so the fact that you had multiple losses would make me say, I'm sure it's possible that that's the reason you have this not-pregnant feeling. Maybe your emotions have been "burned" so many times that now you just don't feel anything. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. It's so tough being pregnant after a loss (or losses), you never again get that innocence of just being able to be confident and happy in a pregnancy.
I can only hope, that as the pregnancy progresses, you will start to feel the reality of it and can enjoy the milestones along the way. Sending lots of sticky dust your way! I wish you all the best.
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Last edited by EverydayJoy; August 6th, 2013 at 11:20 PM.
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  #4  
August 7th, 2013, 07:32 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Tennessee
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I'm so sorry for the way you are feeling. I think the lack of symptoms is just because of how early you are in your pregnancy. Hopefully you will go to your ultrasound on Thursday and see that little beating heart and begin to feel pregnant. i know for me once I see that little thing on the screen it just touches my heart and the pregnancy seems real. Good Luck on Thursday and please let us know how it goes.
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  #5  
August 7th, 2013, 07:35 AM
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YES! I had a loss before each of my girls. With DD2, I just didn't feel pregnant, didn't want to get attached, I was feeling "empty" and scared. I think that is completely normal for many women after a loss. I hope that your u/s tomorrow goes smoothly and you can feel a little less empty and enjoy your pregnancy a little bit more as time progresses. That was the only thing that helped, time, as it passed, I was able to "feel" pregnant. After the 1st u/s I was a little more comfortable and with each appointment I felt, if not just for a moment, more pregnant. Especially because I didn't have physical symptoms really until week 8 with DD2.

HUGS and please KUP on your u/s results. Wishing you a h&h 9 months!!
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  #6  
August 7th, 2013, 09:54 AM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I always felt disconnected with all my rainbow baby's until about 10ish wks or so. I never felt empty, even with my loss's. I always had pg symptoms with my loss's and rainbows. I did have a pregnancy that was a b/o that went to about 13-14wks, where I only felt bloated (my uterus was huge) and no other symptom.

Once I saw the h/b or got a good couple of beta draws, it would draw me in closer to being connected in the beginning. I did feel too, like "when will this end?" with alot of anger for all my rainbows. I just wanted it to end if it were going to, not to drag out. With my last 2 baby's, I even had a couple of beta draws where the hcg did not double very good........then the anger skyrocketed and all I wanted was to bleed already. But that baby is here and this one is pretty close.........

Im praying for an awesome u/s update from you soon and hope these fears will be put aside for a little bit anyway!
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  #7  
August 7th, 2013, 06:41 PM
Danielle.W's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you everyone!

I think part of it is that I had very minimal symptoms with all of my losses, so I feel like I'm reliving those again. And so I'm just closing myself off. I seriously hope I can get over this soon! Because I don't want it to affect my birth, or baby.

I'm cautiously excited for tomorrow I'll post an update!
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Mama to Valley, Lyric
Levi 9/2009 & Mara 9/2013



My Ovulation Chart

Cycle 12 (of 16) after 2nd tri miscarriage: Soy Iso take 5

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  #8  
August 7th, 2013, 07:22 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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In my opinion, it won't affect your birth or your baby...even if you just can't bond with your baby for the entire length of the pregnancy, you still have the rest of baby's life to build that relationship with him/her. Pregnancy after loss is hard enough without beating yourself up over things you can't control...such as your emotions. I know I did that too though...anxious about the baby, and then anxious that my anxiety might be transmitted to the baby somehow!
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  #9  
August 7th, 2013, 07:31 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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Good luck tomorrow! I will be thinking about you and eagerly waiting for your updates
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