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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
October 6th, 2013, 11:10 AM
Danielle80's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hunter Army Airfield (Richmond Hill), Ga
Posts: 3,659
I know I am kind of getting ahead of myself since I am very early in this pregnancy but I am wondering if any of you have dealt with this before. I had a super early m/c last month @ 5 wks 4 days and we had already picked names before we got pregnant. We actually picked the girl name back when I was pregnant with my youngest (5 years ago) and I still loved it in August. Ever since the m/c I don't feel right about naming this or any baby that name. I am fine with keeping the same boy name but I don't know how to explain it when it comes to the girl name. Is this weird? It sounds totally crazy to me and I don't know why I feel this way. It's very odd for me because I have loved that name for so long.
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  #2  
October 6th, 2013, 11:19 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,578
That's not odd to me at all. My guess is you were hoping the one you lost (before you lost it) was a girl, so in your mind that baby was already named that name. Then you lost it, and you don't feel right naming a subsequent baby the same name as you already gave the one that died. Because it wouldn't feel like it would be honoring the one you lost. Is that how it is? I can totally understand that.
I am sorry you went through that m/c, like I've heard it said no footprint is too small to leave a mark on a mother's heart (something to that effect). Even though they were lost at a very early gestation, they were still precious and wanted, and you lose something more than just the pregnancy, you lose all the hopes and dreams you had for that baby too. You lose the future you would have had with them.
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  #3  
October 6th, 2013, 01:02 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,306
You might change your mind later in the pregnancy. I went through the same thing with my now 3yr old. I had her name picked out for over 5yrs, actually wanted her big sister (from my first marriage) to be named her name, but my ex hated it. I had several loss's before my 3yr old, and one confirmed a girl through testing. That was that baby's name. However, I did change her name in the pregnancy, in the beginning. But once I was about 8mo along, I changed it back to my favorite name. The name was special to me, and I will never regret giving my rainbow baby her name. She was my rainbow and shares the same name as her big sister in heaven.
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  #4  
October 6th, 2013, 02:45 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,668
It's understandable and in fact, I too am having a similar issue. Clyde was and is my first sons name. DH and I love the name, think it's pretty much the best name ever, but for some reason it doesn't feel right using it for our current baby's middle name. Several people in my family have suggested we use it for Toren's middle name to honor our first son. They tell me how sweet it would be, and I do agree it would be sweet, but somehow at the moment it doesn't feel right. It's very hard to explain exactly why. Our feelings about it may change, who knows, but at the moment it's hard to share a name with both my boys when it will always and forever belong to our first.

You may decide on using the same name or choose a totally new one. Your decision will end up being what's best for you ((hugs))
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  #5  
October 6th, 2013, 04:34 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,923
I don't think it's unusual at all. The m/c before this last one we had a girl name picked out and it hasn't felt right to use it. What I'd personally like to do this time is name the new baby (if it's a girl) something that means the same as the baby we lost, but not the same exact name.
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  #6  
October 7th, 2013, 06:05 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,105
Not unusual at all. We had a girl name picked out when we had our loss and I still don't know if I would have used it or not if we had ended up having a girl. Like some of the other girls said you may change your mind as you get further along in this pregnancy.
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  #7  
October 7th, 2013, 08:48 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
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I don't think it is unusual at all. I think you have gotten some great advice/knowledge/experiences and I don't have anything new to add except that I am sorry for your loss. And welcome to the board!
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  #8  
October 7th, 2013, 03:39 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,364
It's not unusual or weird or anything. We've never picked names, but i think I'd go through the same things.
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