Log In Sign Up

DS having MC nightmares


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By melissalaw
  • 1 Post By MelChicago

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
October 16th, 2013, 05:27 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,865
5 AM this morning, DS comes running into our room sobbing that he had a nightmare that we went to the doctor and the doctor told us that the baby had stopped growing and had to come out of my tummy. He was sobbing so hard. I was heartbroken. No 7 yr old should have to worry about such a thing.

What have I done by telling our child so soon? I've made him a nervous wreck. I wanted to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be OK, but I couldn't. I'm just as worried as he is. Our next appt is tomorrow and I'm terrified that we are going to go in for that U/S and see that horrible image from last winter and get that dreadful news. I'm waking up with headaches every morning and I'm not eating and my nausea is back. I'm getting cramps and abdominal pain again and I'm just plain a mess. And poor DS knows it.
__________________
Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 39
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
Reply With Quote
  #2  
October 16th, 2013, 06:46 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,055
I'm so sorry. I can't think of any way to comfort ds.

I was having mc nightmares and they intensified once I made it to 12 weeks. It was the same recurring scenario. I decided to purchase the tinest hat and a gender neutral blanket and carry them with me. I call it my emergency birth kit-. It evolved to have more little supplies. But just having this silly "pack" helped my nightmares stop thank goodness-

Did you purchase a Doppler?

Just remember that kids are "magical thinkers". Try to remind ds that nothing he does has anything to do with the tiny one inside you.

Best of luck at your appt. anxiety sucks. Lots of hugs your way.
__________________

2011
2012
Reply With Quote
  #3  
October 16th, 2013, 07:14 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,581
Ohh your poor little guy. I can't imagine having that be one more thing you have to experience as part of this pregnancy--it must make your heart hurt for him.

I like Sunrise's idea. What about going out and picking out a special stuffed animal that he can give to the baby after it's born? Then he might feel like he has some sort of connection to the baby and it might help him feel a little more positive about the pregnancy.
I bought a stuffed bear after I had the miscarriage and it helped to have something to hold onto. Something to comfort me. I wonder if it might feel the same for him...something to hold onto in the face of his fears.
__________________


Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
Reply With Quote
  #4  
October 16th, 2013, 07:39 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,865
Thanks ladies. I've thought about having him do something like that, get a little hat or bear or something, but I didn't want to get his hopes up. I bought him a shirt that says "I'm going to be a big brother" and he refuses to wear it. He says he doesn't want to tell anyone yet because it should still be a secret.

I feel like I've scarred him. He asked if he could go to the appt with me tomorrow. But I'm afraid to let him, because what if the baby has passed away and the U/S shows it? He would be traumatized.
__________________
Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 39
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
Reply With Quote
  #5  
October 16th, 2013, 08:35 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,105
I'm so sorry about your little boy. How terrible for him to worry about that. That is my worst fear. I dread ultrasounds. Now that I am feeling him move more it has gotten easier. I'm sure your little one is just fine in there and tomorrow you will see that beautiful little heart beating.

I like the idea of getting him something like a bear. Let us know how your appointment goes. I'll be praying for good news.
lelila likes this.
__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy
Reply With Quote
  #6  
October 16th, 2013, 08:49 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,581
Leia, that's such a tough decision.
It's not your fault, you haven't scarred him, the loss has scarred you all as a family. I've read about children and their grieving process as it pertains to miscarriage, and what I've read is that it's better if they know about it, because then they understand why you are sad, and they can grieve it instead of maybe having some sense of loss and not knowing why. Children are very perceptive so I suspect he would probably have known something was up anyway even if you never told him.

I was thinking about the ultrasound, the other option is to have him be at home. And while he is at home, he is going to feel scared, concerned for the baby and anxious to hear what is going on. I wonder if it might be more comforting to him to at least be there with his Mommy and Daddy and to be able to find out right away what the answer is. I think either way would be a hard choice. Maybe you can decide together.
__________________


Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
Reply With Quote
  #7  
October 16th, 2013, 09:13 AM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,933
I'm so sorry your son is so scared. And you too. I'm not a parent yet, so I'm not sure I have much helpful to contribute. But I work with kids, and the first thing that popped into my head was modeling how to manage fears. Acknowledging and validating them, talking them through, finding resources (doctors, therapists, etc), talking through if/then scenarios (especially addressing how if the baby isn't growing properly, it's no ones fault and nothing that anyone could do), recalling other times when sad or scary things have happened and talking through what he/you did to "survive" (distractions, exercise, hugs, deep breathing, drawing pictures/journalling, finding other joys to focus on, helping others, etc).
Sunrise likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
October 16th, 2013, 12:35 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,924
Oh poor little guy.
How about if you took him to the u/s and he could wait with someone in the waiting room first and then after things look good he could come in.
16 weeks isn't to soon to tell, he probably could figure it out on his own that you're expecting. And it gives him plenty of time to bond.
Just wanted to send hugs.
__________________
Therese

Reply With Quote
  #9  
October 16th, 2013, 01:57 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,669
This is so sad for me to read. It's hard to know exactly what the best decision is in this situation. I think maybe I agree and it would be best if he go with you but that is something you and your DH should talk about together. It's not our choice. I do hope everything goes wonderfully tomorrow!! I will be looking for updates. T&P!! ((hugs))
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #10  
October 16th, 2013, 02:38 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,364
I'm so sorry. I always get those nightmares before appointments. I hate that he's having them too. I hope everything is great at your appointment tomorrow. Don't feel bad about telling him. Kids pick up on things whether we tell them or not.
__________________
Aug. 21 2012
Mar. 31 2013
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:51 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0