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How to cope with family tragedy? - Sad Update - Final Update Post 29


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
November 8th, 2013, 12:06 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
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My 82 yr old Aunt is more like my mother than my own mother and she is now gravely ill. She has a DNR and is refusing all medical assistance. She is in the hospital 9 hours away from me and I can't see her.

I don't want to put my pregnancy in jeopardy but I'm so upset at the thought of losing her. How do you cope with something like this?
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Leia 40 yrs young

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Last edited by lelila; November 13th, 2013 at 09:24 AM.
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  #2  
November 8th, 2013, 01:10 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First, hugs. So sorry you are facing this right now.
Are you restricted from traveling?
Can you call her or a relative to relay a message to her?
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  #3  
November 8th, 2013, 01:23 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wish I could see her. She is non-responsive from pain medication and not responding to my cousins who are trying to talk to her. I will try to get a message to them.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #4  
November 8th, 2013, 03:14 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
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I am so sorry that your family, and especially you, are going through this. I would definitely try to get her a message whether it is through your cousins or someone else. You could send some flowers or something through the hospital as well.
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  #5  
November 8th, 2013, 09:13 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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I'm so sorry! It's so hard to feel good about anything when your helpless to help someone you love so dearly. Sending you and your aunt my thoughts and prayers.
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  #6  
November 9th, 2013, 04:26 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you're able to get a message through. ((Hugs))
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  #7  
November 9th, 2013, 04:37 AM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh I'm so sorry. Hopefully she'll be able to hear your message. Thoughts and prayers. Hugs.
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  #8  
November 9th, 2013, 05:11 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I got a message through to my cousins. They have been at the hospital every day but she is non-responsive most of the day. They promised to tell her I love her.

I'm so afraid that I will lose the baby through my grief. I am trying so hard to remain calm.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #9  
November 9th, 2013, 07:33 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Leia, oh I am so sorry she is ill! Can you not go and see her? I know if it were me I would want to be there if I could.

And hugs about the thought of losing your baby. I would think that holding in your emotions would be worse than letting them out. Have a good cry, it's a release. Let your sadness out and don't bottle it up. Get some chamomile tea to help calm you if you feel overwhelmed or out of control, but I would think it would be better for your baby to let your sadness out.
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  #10  
November 9th, 2013, 08:36 AM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
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Oh nooo I'm SO sorry Leia. Sending lots of (((HUGS))). Thoughts and prayers are with you.
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  #11  
November 9th, 2013, 09:44 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Heard from my Cousin. Monday they meet with the doctors about a plan. If they can get her to respond about accepting medical attention, they can administer antibiotics, which will save her. If not, well, nature will takes its course shortly.

My father (her brother) and I will be taking a trip up there once we hear the plan on Monday.

Crying is not an option. For one, it brings on a severe migraine and vomiting and I can't afford that. Secondly, my son is very close to my Aunt as well (he thinks she's his grandmother) and he's already sensitive to the situation. I'm trying to protect him as well. The time for ultimate grief is all to near.

Thank you all for your unbelievable support.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #12  
November 9th, 2013, 01:26 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm glad you and your father have a plan to try to get up to see her.
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  #13  
November 9th, 2013, 08:29 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If it gets too bab, and I'm sure it will, call your dr. They can safely treat you with meds to get you through this more safely. My cousin lost her husband at 8mo pregnant. They gave her antidepresents and some other calming medication to keep her stable. They can help keep that baby in there as long as possible! Lots of prayers your Aunt pulls through for Monday...and lots of prayers for you and your family.
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  #14  
November 10th, 2013, 05:55 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you again ladies. Heard today that my Aunt is now accepting life saving treatment. I know she is frail and will not be with us long, but at least she is not languishing in pain in the hospital with the threat of terrible infection.

I'm feeling much calmer with this news. My dad and I are still planning on going to see her in the very near future but I hope it will be to see her in a better, recovering state.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #15  
November 10th, 2013, 06:50 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow I am so glad to hear that, Leia. I hope she continues to make progress and fight to stay with you all. Sometimes just the sheer will to live can accomplish amazing things. I hope you get to go see her soon.
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  #16  
November 10th, 2013, 06:54 AM
Just keep breathing.
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I'm glad to hear that things are looking better for your aunt. I"m so, so sorry you have faced this stress. Sending you big hugs.
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  #17  
November 11th, 2013, 06:17 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Leia i'm so sorry about your Aunt but so glad that she is now accepting medical treatment. And glad it looks like you will be able to go see her. Praying that you have a safe trip and that the medical treatment works.
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  #18  
November 11th, 2013, 04:10 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am so sorry! I'm hoping you get to see your aunt soon and that she is doing better!
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  #19  
November 12th, 2013, 11:37 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My Aunt took a turn for the worse over the weekend. Sadly she is now unresponsive and the doctors have told us it is only a matter of days. My cousin called me and put me on speaker so I could talk to her and tell her I love her. I'm glad I had that chance. It will be hard getting through the next few days/weeks. Everytime I cry I feel my stomach muscles tighten and I worry about my little baby and I talk to him and tell him don't worry about me and that I love him.

What a conflicted state I'm in.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #20  
November 12th, 2013, 11:59 AM
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I am so sorry, Leia. I know it seems like it and the grief is just terrible, but your emotions are not hurting that baby, although I know you feel that way I am thinking about you and your son and the rest of your family through this sad time. HUGS!
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