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  • 1 Post By momof8lopez

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  #1  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:10 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 918
Ladies,

I am completely broken. Last night, I went to ER because of the issues I was having with cramping...the leaking gush of clear fluid...pink tint with it.. So they gave me an ultrasound to calm my fears. There was no heart-beat at 10 weeks. I was crying and praying that maybe the tech was wrong. I was told to go home and relax because there is nothing they can do but for me to follow up with my Doctor. This morning I went to the Doctor and they did another ultrasound. No heart-beat. My poor baby died at 10 weeks. This morning at the Doctor's office, I started to cramp and light spotting on toilet paper when I went to restroom. I just knew in my heart that my baby was gone. I was crying the whole time. Doctor talked to me about my options and said since I am 10 weeks...it is in my best interest if I had a D&C procedure so I did.

While I was in the room getting ready to have another procedure my heart just sunk! I prayed, I cried, already feeling the pain...I just wanted this nightmare to end. I was crying the whole time but the nurse was helpful and helped me through it. I choose to be asleep because I knew emotionally I couldn't handle it being awake.

I am back home, stuck in the bed...my heart is filled with tears. I want my baby back to much. My body hurts all over...I am still bleeding and cramping from the procedure. When am I ever gonna have my family? I am starting to think it will never happen to me. While SO is helping me through this and him saying it will be okay and we will have a family. I just have no hope. I feel completely dead inside. I feel like God hates me. Which, I feel as my body failed me and it's my fault.

I have no idea what to do. Being 21 and a mommy of 4 beautiful angels in Heaven. I just have no hope for the future. I hope and pray that God works miracles and my body heals perfectly and that when the time is right, when he thinks it's time for SO and I to have a family. It will happen.

My first two losses I miscarried naturally at home. My third loss happened at 9 weeks and 4 days and ended in a D&C procedure on Aug 9th, 2013. My fourth loss happened at 10 weeks and had to have a D&C procedure today 11/23/2013. My third and fourth loss happened within 3 3 1/2 months apart and ended with having D&C procedure with both.

I am so worried that my body is damaged because of it. I can't stop crying because the loss of another one. I hate my body so much. I just want my baby back but there is nothing I can do. I am worried about the damage and future trying and etc. SO and I really want a family! :,(
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<3 I have suffered 4 early M/C's since 2012. I am missing my 4 angels so much. My love for them all will never fade. <3

First M/C loss- 7/8 weeks
Second M/C loss- 4-5 weeks(Chemical)
Third M/C loss- 9 weeks and 4 days
Fourth M/C loss- 10 weeks

~No one else will never know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart feels like on the inside~

<3 Praying and Hoping that my partner and I will be blessed with our miracle soon. <3
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  #2  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:23 PM
kaylakay's Avatar Love Being A Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 1,463
Oh no sweetie.... I have been thinking about you so much. I am so very sorry. Has your doctor done any tests? I know life seems so unfair right now and I am so sorry. I will be hoping you get your rainbow baby soon.
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Forever missing my 3 angel babies. Sep 2010, Nov 2010, Jan 2011
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  #3  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:47 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,364
I am so so sorry! Feeling all of those things is normal. We all go through it. I hope you heal well and quickly, and that you feel better soon.
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Aug. 21 2012
Mar. 31 2013
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  #4  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:49 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 918
Thanks so much ladies. SO and I talked that once I am fully recovered and emotionally ready. I am going to a specialist to get testing done to better our odds for the future.
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<3 I have suffered 4 early M/C's since 2012. I am missing my 4 angels so much. My love for them all will never fade. <3

First M/C loss- 7/8 weeks
Second M/C loss- 4-5 weeks(Chemical)
Third M/C loss- 9 weeks and 4 days
Fourth M/C loss- 10 weeks

~No one else will never know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart feels like on the inside~

<3 Praying and Hoping that my partner and I will be blessed with our miracle soon. <3
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  #5  
November 23rd, 2013, 07:49 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,739
My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this pain again. Sending my T&P! ((hugs))
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  #6  
November 23rd, 2013, 08:10 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,342
Im so sorry for this to happen yet again. Your so young and I pray they find out why you keep loosing these precious baby's. Will they be testing this m/c? Im just heart broken for you. Please try and find some strength deep down to get through this.......I pray your next pregnancy will result in your perfect rainbow baby, giving you and dh the family you so deserve. Lots of love and prayers out to you tonight.
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Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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  #7  
November 23rd, 2013, 08:17 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,342
I forgot to say, that I have had 5 d&c's over my lifetime, inbetween all my pregnancy's. They never affected my ability to get pregnant, nor keep a pregnancy. (that was meant to be kept). Don't stress about your back to back d&c's. I had 2 back to back, 6mo apart, and was able to conceive and carry to term on the third pregnancy.
melissalaw likes this.
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Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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  #8  
November 23rd, 2013, 09:29 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,110
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for all of your losses. As you heal, research for a good reproductive endocrinologist. They are the specialists in these issues. It is better to have a specialist than a regular OB for these matters as their attention to detail is amazing. There IS hope for your future.

Lots of hugs..
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2012
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  #9  
November 24th, 2013, 06:59 AM
Six in the City
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 803
I am so sorry. I know there is nothing that anyone can say that can even begin to ease your pain. Big hugs coming your way.
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Always missing our angels.
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  #10  
November 24th, 2013, 07:47 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,629
Oh no! I'm so terribly sorry to hear that you lost your precious baby. I wish there was some magic way to take away the pain, but from experience (and yours too) there's nothing to do but cry, beat your pillow, get angry, cry some more, ask why, and ultimately, after time has passed, accept your loss. In time it will hurt less. I'm glad you have your SO to support you through this difficult time. Let your emotions out. It's not bad to be angry, even at God--he understands. Talk to him about how you feel and let him comfort you.
I'm so sorry you have had 4 losses and no babies. I was wondering too, if you were going to have them test this baby to see if there was any explanation for the loss. Definitely get to an RE whenever you are ready to try again. 4 losses is too many---heck, 1 is too many, but 4---definitely way too many. Hugs!!
Keep posting on here if you want to, we want to support you. The PL board also helped me a lot when I had my loss.
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Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
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  #11  
November 24th, 2013, 08:09 AM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,981
Oh honey, I am so, so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Its such a hard thing.
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  #12  
November 24th, 2013, 08:31 AM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,578
I am SO sorry to hear this my heart just breaks for you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
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"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Chad & Lindsey~Furbabies Bella & Oliver
4-29-13
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  #13  
November 24th, 2013, 06:31 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,016
I'm so sorry for your loss and praying for you and sending hugs.
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Therese

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  #14  
November 25th, 2013, 07:02 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,276
Oh sweetie my heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am so glad that you are going to see a specialists and hopefully he will be able to help you so you can have your family and your rainbow baby.

I'm glad that Lori told you of her story so you can see that you can carry a healthy baby to term after several D and C's. I'm praying that when you are ready you will get pregnant with your rainbow baby. We are here for you if you ever need to talk or vent.
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  #15  
November 26th, 2013, 06:45 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 918
Thank you ladies so much for the kind works and advice. We are getting testing done when I am fully recovered and emotionally ready too. We are hoping for a healthy pregnancy in the near future. I will keep you all posted.
__________________




<3 I have suffered 4 early M/C's since 2012. I am missing my 4 angels so much. My love for them all will never fade. <3

First M/C loss- 7/8 weeks
Second M/C loss- 4-5 weeks(Chemical)
Third M/C loss- 9 weeks and 4 days
Fourth M/C loss- 10 weeks

~No one else will never know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart feels like on the inside~

<3 Praying and Hoping that my partner and I will be blessed with our miracle soon. <3
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  #16  
November 26th, 2013, 09:38 PM
kaylakay's Avatar Love Being A Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 1,463
Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking of you. I hope you have your sweet rainbow baby soon.
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Forever missing my 3 angel babies. Sep 2010, Nov 2010, Jan 2011
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  #17  
November 27th, 2013, 04:58 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,961
I'm very sorry you have endured yet another heartbreaking loss. I hope the doctors can find the reason why this is happening so it never happens again.

Please, please let your body rest. You are young and younger people heal very quickly - so have faith that your body is not damaged! But you need to rest before getting pregnant again - and you will! Take time to emotionally heal too. Your heart needs to heal and find some peace.

Bond with your SO. Take time to find yourself again. Our prayers are with you.
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Leia 41 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #18  
November 27th, 2013, 06:46 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,297
I am so sorry to hear this. Nobody knows why these things have to happen ... I hope you are able to work with your doctors and get some answers.

A million hugs to you. ((Hugs))
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