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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
November 27th, 2013, 07:03 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,295
I've been swamped at work and with life so getting online time has been hard lately. I'm so sorry, ladies.

I had a near breakdown the other day... Just thinking about my angel baby and how far along I'd be if I hadn't lost that baby... And I just wanted to cry and cry. Then I felt guilty because I have this baby and without losing that baby, I wouldn't have this one.... Just so many feelings. Ugh.

This baby is doing great though! Gosh I just love her. She is bunching up in one side of my belly and making a hard ball that I can feel! DH can feel her too, when she does that, but hasn't felt her kicking yet. I had an ultrasound yesterday and she is measuring properly to the day, head down. Will she stay head down?

DH and I are still trying to work through his parent issues. Here is the latest: FIL and his 3 siblings each have a 25% share in a house. It is a nicer house than ours and closer to the farm. We visited one uncle last week who said that the partners who own the house are all willing to sell. They said they are not looking to make a profit and they would get back to us with numbers, etc. They already called me and told me the property taxes. So now we are waiting to hear how much they want for it.

I am so, so sure his father is going to do something to *** this up. FIL has a second cousin who is looking for a place and FIL already mentioned selling the house to the cousin for a cheap price. If this random second cousin gets a house and DH and I are stuck living in this crap hole ..... I'm just so upset. This is something that could work out really well for us, and something I'm sure his $&@&$ father will try to mess with.

I feel so backed Into a corner by all this, and without any options. Ay time I'm not posting, it's generally because I'm so down about the other things in our lives. DH is a wonderful husband but his family issues seem to permeate everything in our lives!

Sorry for the novel but that's where we are at for now! I have a snow day today, so I'm lounging for the day on the web! Glad to see everyone!
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  #2  
November 27th, 2013, 07:21 AM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,924
Hugs sweetie. I hope it all works out for you. And glad you have a snow day, take full advantage of that!
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  #3  
November 27th, 2013, 09:01 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,105
First I'm so glad that your baby is doing great. And I completely understand how you are feeling about the baby you lost. I have my Jacob and if I hadn't lost his sister he wouldn't be here. i look at him everyday and think how happy and thankful that I am to have him but that doesn't make me miss his sister any less. I so desparately wish that there was someway that we could have both our babies. Don't feel guilty for feeling that way. I think it is completely normal to feel that way and I think I will always feel sad for the baby I don't have even knowing that if I had that baby my sweet Jacob wouldn't be here. it is so tough.

I so hope your FIL doesn't mess things up for you guys with that house. I hope it all works out and you get it.

We've missed you around here.
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  #4  
November 27th, 2013, 11:21 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,865
That's a lot on your plate! I hope the house situation works out in your favor. What a relief that would be for you.

Hooray on a happy baby! It's great to feel that movement.

I know what you mean about the guilt and feeling of loss. I go through the same exact thing quite often. It's natural. There isn't any way to resolve them. You are allowed to love them both.

Enjoy your day off!
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  #5  
November 27th, 2013, 12:22 PM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,933
Sending you big hugs! Wonderful that your baby girl is doing so well and bringing you so much joy. Of course it's never easy after loss. But you have nothing to feel guilty about.

I'm really sorry to hear about all the drama with your FIL, the house, everything. Hang in there.
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  #6  
November 27th, 2013, 01:47 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,364
I hope the house situation works out for you!!

I know how you feel with the guilt and all. It's hard to know what to do with all the emotions sometimes.

Glad baby girl is doing well.
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  #7  
November 27th, 2013, 03:24 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,669
I hope the house plans work out in your favor, that would be so awesome! I will have a similar situation when my dad dies. He owns some farm land and it's split between myself, my 3 sisters and my aunt. Two of us want to keep the land in our family and the others want to sell it. I really hope it works out for you and this random cousin doesn't end up with it.

I had a lot of guilt and emotions when getting pregnant with this baby. Part of me thought I would feel better getting pregnant again right away. And yes it did help. But another part of me longed for my Clyde and It brought so much guilt along with it. I felt in a way that me getting pregnant again was "too soon" because I wasn't done grieving the loss of my son. Then I felt even more guilty because instead of celebrating the new life I carried inside me I was mourning my Clyde. I didn't feel like it was fair for this baby which made me even sadder. I know getting pregnant again was the right thing for me to do but it didn't bring all the happy good feelings I assumed it would at the very beginning. It brought a lot of stress and anxiety. I'm just recently starting to see everything in a positive outlook. It takes time. We love all our babies deeply. That's part of the reason we have so many emotions involved with each pregnancy. Anniversaries, angelversaries, death days, birthdays, what would have been, what could have been... it all starts to overlap each other and make it hard to properly enjoy the good days when they overlap with the heartache. I feel like I'm just rambling now... but trust me I do understand where you're coming from. Although it's painful, it's totally normal for us.
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  #8  
November 27th, 2013, 05:55 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,055
I'm sorry about your feelings. We all relate. PAL is so hard. Hugs your way.
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  #9  
November 30th, 2013, 05:59 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,295
Thanks so much ladies. I love the support here even though I don't get on as often as I'd like.

This weekend is very full. we are putting up our christmas tree and visiting family. I'm getting my hair cut and colored, and on Tuesday I leave for Nashville! I'm so nervous and excited!

Thanks for reading!
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  #10  
November 30th, 2013, 07:31 AM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,924
Knock em dead in Nashville. Can't wait to hear all about it!
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