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Exhausted. Emotionally and physically.


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  • 1 Post By arngwifey

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  #1  
December 2nd, 2013, 04:37 PM
Six in the City
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 803
So I went and got a 2nd opinion from an OB because I felt like my regular OB was blowing me off and I saw the maternal fetal health doctor too.

The first appointment (ob) was fine, he's very laid back and nice but he said a few things that just made me feel worse. One of the things was he called progesterone and baby aspirin voodoo. He said that with miscarriages that you can't prevent them and that it's all basically voodoo to make the mom feel like she was doing something to prevent the loss. Ugh. So there's that. Not to mention I had to wait over 2 hours between waiting to be seen, doing the ultrasound and such.

Then my maternal fetal health doctor (high risk guy). He's great, he totally saved my daughters life. He wants me to wait until we see a heartbeat to talk about blood thinner and said to come back in 3 weeks, which seems like a lifetime to me. But he's really great and he is the best in the area. But I can't just wait without worrying.

Which also brings me to how I'm feeling. I'm so exhausted. I know it's taking a toll on my husband and me but I am just emotionally/physically exhausted. I am THRILLED to be pregnant. I can't even explain how happy I am about it but I can't relax, I can't enjoy it, I can't just carry on and be happy because I am so worried about losing the baby. I worry about it all day long. I'm not stressing out per say, I just think about it. I am trying to keep calm and just take each day as it comes but darn it I want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy as I know it will be my last and I want to cherish this time but I can't.

I have friends that are pregnant and they just don't get it. They tell me that I'm obsessing over it and need to let it be but they don't get it. I can't just "let it be" even though I'm trying to. Having lost 3 babies this year has completely changed who I am and my outlook on things and I don't think anyone (except you ladies of course) can understand that and that makes it hard to really be able to confide in anyone.
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  #2  
December 2nd, 2013, 04:48 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Im sorry your feeling so mentally exhausted, I think we have all been there with PAL. As for the dr's opinion on progesterone and baby asprin, thats alot of dr's opinions. If you ever carried a pregnancy successfully without the aide of either, then m/c's cannot be blamed on low progesterone in the future. This is also my high risk OB's opinion. I had 4 kids, then 3 loss's, then 4 kids. The first 3 babys after all my loss's had progesterone as a PRECAUTION. My last baby I did not take the progesterone for personal reasons, and my level was high. I do believe that dr's will prescribe it to make the mom feel safe if it is this type of situation. However, if a woman never has a healthy pregnancy, and then does with the aide of progesterone and aspirin, then she most likely does have a problem.

Hang in there, the first trimester is a bi***, but like you know, its all worth it in the end. I pray the Holidays take your mind of of things a little, I know they did for me for my first rainbow baby.
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  #3  
December 2nd, 2013, 05:27 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry the OB made you feel worse. I hear you with the exhaustion, worry, and stress. I still worry and stress out, but it does get easier with time. I never was able to stop worrying, but I did enjoy early pregnancy more when I was able to focus on this pregnancy and how everything was going well so far. Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel both emotions. The worrying doesn't have to take away from your happiness/joy for this LO.
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  #4  
December 2nd, 2013, 10:05 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think that no matter what your doctor thinks about progesterone/aspirin, for him to express what he did to you is wrong. So what if it's possible that it's only for the mom's benefit. Isn't reduced stress, calmer moms, and less anxiety best for baby? Lower heartrate, less cortisol/adrenaline, etc etc...your OB has no tact, to say the least, and if a harmless supplement makes mom feel better, then I'm all for it.
Besides, who's to say that even if a mom has a healthy pregnancy and then unexplained losses, that something didn't go haywire with her body? And then she needs the aspirin or progesterone for subsequent babies?

Anyway, I know it's really tough in the first tri. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way...I hated the first tri with a passion. I didn't hate the baby or the pregnancy, I just hated the worry. Hugs!
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  #5  
December 2nd, 2013, 10:06 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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I know where you're coming from. I haven't been able to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I did with my first and it's disappointing. Something inside you does change, your outlook on things do change, I totally agree with you on that. I can promise you there will be moments you enjoy and look forward to in this pregnancy and although they can be few and far between, you will cherish them just as much as you did with your healthy pregnancies. It's totally normal to feel the way you do. I'm glad to have this group of ladies to open up to because I don't feel like anyone IRL really understands my emotions. And like your friends, It makes me feel a little worse when people tell me to "let it be".
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  #6  
December 3rd, 2013, 07:01 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry that none of the dr's seem to understand your anxiety. i think that dr was wrong when he called aspirin and progesterone voodoo. My progesterone wasn't that low. I think it was around a 14 but my dr put my on progesterone because as he said he wants to give baby the best chance at surviving so there are obviously drs who think the progesterone works.

I wish you could just close your eyes and have the first trimester over. I hate how exhausted you are but I understand the worry just makes you mentally exhausted. I'm praying for your little one and hope things get better for you.
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  #7  
December 3rd, 2013, 07:18 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow. That was rather insensitive to call them voodoo. If they don't hurt, then why not just put you on them, if for nothing else, peace of mind?

When I got my bfp, I called the OB and the nurse told me had me come in for betas, and handed me suppository progesterone right then and there and told me to take baby aspirin. She knew how crazy I was after two back to back losses. She said "It can't hurt!" I went in a week later for my first appt. and the OB said, "I don't think you have a clotting disorder, but it can't hurt. If nothing else, for peace of mind."

I wish your OB would do the same for you. It may help you stress less.
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  #8  
December 3rd, 2013, 06:31 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'd be leary of any doctor who called anything 'voodoo'. Sorry you're struggling right now, but we totally understand. Hugs.
I still have some days where I have to force myself to focus on the good and enjoy being pregnant. One of the things the ladies here recommended for me when I was struggling was to pick up one of my old hobbies or find a new one.
Sending you hugs.
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  #9  
December 3rd, 2013, 07:50 PM
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I'm really sorry you've been put through the ringer! You're right, not many people really understand if they haven't experienced the kind of loss we have. You are not alone!

Something that I try to keep in mind, during my hardest times, is that I want every moment I have with my baby to be spent in love, not in fear. Its so much easier said than done, but it helps me focus sometimes.
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  #10  
December 4th, 2013, 07:12 AM
Six in the City
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Thank you ladies for understanding and letting me vent. It really helps to know that someone gets it and understands that I'm not just obsessing over everything but that it's just what happens.

I do think I need to pick up a new hobby to help myself focus on something else. What does everyone do for hobbies? I love to read but find my concentration lacking lately but maybe it would help to force myself to read again.

And the voodoo doctor, I won't be seeing him again. I don't think I can handle a doctor who honestly looks at those things as voodoo. And I know that just because I've had 4 successful pregnancies that it doesn't mean that things aren't going wrong with my body. During one of my losses I pushed the dr to check my progesterone. I was on the supplements but asked anyway- it was at 11. So clearly something was haywire. And I mean seriously, my medicines make me feel a little better, a little less vulnerable because I feel like I am honestly doing everything I can be doing to help baby make it.

And to sort of help my exhaustion, I was keeping it all a secret. My husband knew and you ladies here knew but no one really knew IRL. Well my oldest overheard a conversation and told my mom- who I was dreading telling and well now that the cat is out of the bag it feels a little better. I can breathe a little more and I don't feel like I have to keep this big secret all of the time and lie to those around me when they ask why I'm not drinking with them, or where I'm going all of the time (dr appointments), etc.
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  #11  
December 4th, 2013, 03:09 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Honestly my biggest hobby is reading also. I have started to crochet some too. I like making things. Both are good distractions for me.

Glad you feel a bit better that your mom knows now, and that you decided against seeing that Dr again.
We're all here for you so vent away if you need to!
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  #12  
December 4th, 2013, 04:19 PM
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It *is* exhausting trying to keep the pregnancy secret, you're so right. It's understandable why we'd want to do so- it's hard enough dealing with our own anxieties, just getting through day to day, without feeling like others are "stalking" us or like we have to answer questions or provide information when we're not ready. But its another level of stress to be holding back and trying to put on a normal act when we're just not feeling normal.

I read, and also crochet- I like to crochet while watching TV. Doing just one or the other doesn't seem to occupy my mind enough, but both together seems to get the job done It's pretty easy to pick up, and you can make scarves as holiday gifts.
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  #13  
December 4th, 2013, 05:38 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think Mel hit it on the head there. Keeping the secret before we're ready protects us, but it's also mentally exhausting and hard.
I like to read, but I also play puzzle games on my kindle or computer. I used to scrapbook, but when DD wanted to 'help' when she was younger I put it away and sadly there it all still sits. I also volunteer at a couple of places a couple hours each month.
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  #14  
December 5th, 2013, 07:49 AM
Six in the City
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Thank you ladies. Seriously, it feels so great to have you all to talk to and have someone understand.

I should try crocheting. I would love to have something to do to keep my hands busy while watching TV or sitting around doing nothing. I find that I get on FB to distract myself but that doesn't really help with the anxiety at all. I need to unplug more and do things that help me feel better/refreshed.
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  #15  
December 5th, 2013, 11:20 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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((Hugs))

I didn't enjoy my first trimester at all. I do worry that I did get pregnant again so soon after our loss... S it was so soon and the loss was still so fresh. And it is still, in a way.

So,I spent most of the time hiding the pregnancy and not enjoying. I'm still worried almost every day but all that keeps ,e happy is bowing she can move and we are kind of at the age of viability. I know it feels like such a lifetime to you.

((Hugs)) and I hope you can find strength and peace in the coming weeks.
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  #16  
December 8th, 2013, 04:55 PM
sandiegomom's Avatar Super Mommy
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Well I am glad you changed dr's. Some are just idiots. There are proven studies that show it can make a difference. Sure there are some that say it doesn't....welcome to healthcare. For every study that shows something helps, you will find ones that say it doesn't. What most studies show is that aspirin, in fact, helps blood flow to baby in the beginning. (not in the end, unless you have a true clotting disorder) And as for progesterone, I think having previous healthy pregnancies doesn't mean that it can't change later! I was 18 and 22 with my first children, now I am 37! I am gonna go out on a limb and say that perhaps my hormones have changed since then. So, I want my aspirin and progesterone. Even though, I am not on progesterone yet this time because my RX expired and haven't seen my new OB yet Which is worrying the heck out of me with these slow rising betas! It sounds like your pregnancy is going great! Good luck and hope that you found a more understanding and realistic OB!
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  #17  
December 8th, 2013, 06:19 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
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wow...progesterone is definitely NOT voodoo! I am so sorry that he said that to you. It REALLY upsets me he said that because I wouldn't have Marsi or Dorian if not for progesterone!!!! I even attribute Marsi to having baby aspirin as well. My periods were clotty and heavy until I took the aspirin. You can't tell me that it didn't make the lining more hospitable to a pregnancy. Sorry, those 2 things are my soapbox that frustrate me the most when doctors don't listen. I hope that you find people who will listen to you.
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