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This and that (belly comparison pic)


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  • 2 Post By Ame C
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  #1  
December 27th, 2013, 09:23 AM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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Posts: 3,696
I have a few things I wanted to share. First of all, I've been trying my best to kick-start labor by walking around and keeping busy but so far no luck. My feet got a little puffy and swollen yesterday which is a pregnancy first for me. DH took me shopping at Babies R Us yesterday so I could walk around as much as possible and pick out a few things since I haven't bought much for Toren. We already had everything we need brand new from Clyde. DH let me splurge and buy some little "man" outfits that he wasn't particularly crazy about, but I think they are adorable!



Then I once we got home yesterday I got a call from MIL. She's been bugging me a lot recently. I think the high school term is bugaboo? Yea, well that's her for sure!
She wanted to let me know there's still time to change Toren's name. That she wasn't a fan of it. I told her that was his name and she will eventually get used to it. She asked if she could call him TC and I said No, his name is Toren. Then she asked if we could give her a key to our house in case I go into labor and need her to pick up my hospital bag. I told her there was no need for that because my hospital bag is in our SUV. It's not yet, it's actually in the living room right now but that's really non of her business. She kept insisting we give her a house key and was making up random weird excuses for it. I think the real reason why she wants it is because she can come over any time she wants to "visit her grandbaby"..... HECK NO! Plus I know she would never give the key back. There's no way in HE|| I'm giving her a key to our house!! So then MIL started talking about being in the L&D room while I'm giving birth. I told her no, DH and I want to be alone, and even for a few hours after we want to be alone because it's our special time to bond with the baby. She didn't like that at all! She doesn't listen to me ever. So she started talking about how she plans on standing in the corner of the L&D room and only coming over to hold my hand if I need her AND since her husband preformed a c-section on a chihuahua I should let him be in the room too, BUT she understands if it's only her in there. Ummm.... yea... NO! Me giving birth is much different than a chihuahua, good grief!! She doesn't know my induction date (I'm not going to tell her) and I'm going to tell the nurses absolutely NO VISITORS until I say I'm ready. We want to be alone with Toren for the first 12-24 hours without any visitors. My side of the family understands but DH's side is a bit more pushy. She was talking about sleeping over a few nights to "help out"...... No no nonoooo!! I told her as politely as possible that we didn't want or need the help. We wanted to be alone with Toren as much as possible. So then she starts preaching about parenting and how I need to let her bottle feed him and I need to let her hold him right away because otherwise he will be spoiled and wont want anyone to hold him or feed him besides me. *sighs*... (she drains the life out of me!!!) Then I had to start preaching about how she's totally WRONG and I plan on breastfeeding until at least a year old and I don't want baby to get nipple confusion. She seems to think that's impossible and a bunch of bs. We both started getting a bit snappy and pissy so I ended the conversation with "If I don't get off the phone right now I'm going to wet myself because I had to pee really bad." -- which was true but, you know... I was about ready to throw the phone across the room.

To finish off this post I wanted to share my belly comparison picture of both of my babies at the 38 week mark. I swear I feel so much bigger this time, even DH has said he thinks my belly looks a little bigger, but looking at this picture I think I look just about the same. Maybe Toren wont be as huge as everyone is saying?? I gained the same amount. With Clyde I gained 35 lbs, and so far I'm up to 35-36 lbs total with Toren. My next appointment (BPP ultrasound and NST) is on Monday 30th.
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  #2  
December 27th, 2013, 09:43 AM
Just keep breathing.
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You look gorgeous, woman! I think you look about the same size in both pictures. I love the "little man" outfits

So sorry to hear about your MIL. I give you major props for standing up for yourself. I always get overwhelmed and stunned when ppl verbally vomit at me like that, and end up just not saying anything. It just blows my mind that she doesn't get a clue- I mean, how many times do you have to say "no" for her to understand it?
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  #3  
December 27th, 2013, 09:56 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think you look great. You look almost the same to me, maybe just a bit bigger with Toren than with Clyde.

Everytime you talk about your mother in law I just want to jump through the computer and strangle that crazy lady. she is out of her mind. First I don't blame you for not wanting her or anyone else in the delivery room. you are so exposed and you just don't want anybody but your husband and medical staff in there. I fell the same way and would have choice words for someone who came into our room uninvited, plus they may get hit by something flying through the room at them.

And no way should you give that crazy lady a key to your house. She needs to understand that Toren is your baby and not hers and she just needs to stay out of it. With both my boys I breastfed them exclusively for about 2 weeks then I pumped a little bit of milk so DH could give them a bottle. It is very special seeing your child's father feed your baby for the first time plus it helped my DH bond a little more with the babies. but I mostly just breastfed my guys when we were at home. Both preferred the boob to the bottle anyway but it was nice to be able to let DH feed them sometimes. but your MIL has no right to feed Toren and shouldn't even want to until your breastfeeding relationship is established.

I think if I was you I might just have to be rude or tell your hubby that he needs to straighten her butt out and she needs to just stay home and not come to the hospital.
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  #4  
December 27th, 2013, 10:39 AM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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I'm slowly starting to get a voice when it comes to my MIL. I'm a shy, soft spoken person in real life. Very much an introvert. So it has been hard for me over the years to speak my mind to my MIL. Most of the time she gets away with saying and doing whatever she wants. I think losing Clyde and now the pregnancy hormones Toren has given me has helped A LOT! She doesn't get away with nearly as much and if I disagree with what she's saying I speak up instead of keeping it all locked up inside. I do try to be as nice as possible but I let her know my opinion now. She usually doesn't listen to me and tries to manipulate me and make me feel guilty so she can get her way, but I've surprised myself by standing my ground. She doesn't listen to DH either unless he yells at her and makes her cry... but he hates being the "bad guy" so he doesn't do that often.

Thank you for the compliments ladies I really can't wait to share pics of Toren with you ladies!! I wish he would come before my induction but as long as he's healthy I'm fine with however it turns out.
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  #5  
December 27th, 2013, 10:44 AM
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OH MY LORD, that woman is nuts!!!!! I don't even know what I would have said to my MIL or anyone else for that matter that acted that crazy. You handled it much better than I would have!! I agree, your husband needs to step in and tell her how it is and tell her to DROP IT!

I can't see the pics on this stupid computer for whatever reason but I'm sure you look amazing!
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  #6  
December 27th, 2013, 10:47 AM
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You look fantastic! I think you look about the same in both pics

So glad you are standing your ground, and definitely tell the L&D nurses, they will do what you ask and be the "bad guy", they don't care Both times they told me that if I didn't want someone in there, to tell them and they would take care of it!
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  #7  
December 27th, 2013, 10:49 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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So glad that you are learning to stand up for yourself. it will also be alot easier to say no when your little one is here. I have no problem saying No to people when it involves my children if it's something that I don't want.

And I hate people who use those darn guilt trips. My mother used to guilt trip me until I finally just decided that I had nothing to feel guilty about and I wasn't going to let her try to guilt trip me.


I can't wait to see a picture of you holding that beautiful baby boy!! I'm getting so excited for you. I just want him to either come or for the next few days to fly by so he will be here.
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  #8  
December 27th, 2013, 10:54 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ame you look beautiful! I agree, you are the same size.

I think we have the same MIL! My MIL is certifiable. She tried to force her way into the OR when I had DS and the nurse had to throw her out of L&D. She said "But I'm the Grandmother!" The nurse said "Lady, I don't care if you're the Mother of God, you're not going in there." We know this happened because DH's best friend drove him to the hospital and was standing right there. MIL waited until I was in recovery and then tried to get into the recovery room, but the nurse blocked her from there too. Once I got into my room, she came rushing in and took DS right out of my arms, thanked me for having HER grandson and held him for the next 5 hours. I was devastated.

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!! Don't let that woman near you or your baby! Keep firm on the name, tell the hospital staff "NO VISITORS" while you're in the hospital, and if you need to, get new locks on your house. This is YOUR baby Ame. And if DH won't back you up, tell him under no circumstances are you going to roll over and let her take your baby away from you.

After all you've been through you aren't going to give up now! Good for you for standing up for yourself! Go Ame!!!
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  #9  
December 27th, 2013, 11:47 AM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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LOL - "Lady, I don't care if you're the Mother of God, you're not going in there." AWESOME!! I bet you would have loved to see the look on her face, Leia. My MIL would definitely take Toren from my arms and hold him for a ridiculous amount of time, that's why I'm not letting anyone come visit for the first 12-24 hours. I want my alone time. At first our rule was just no MIL for the first 12-24 hours because she is the person who drives me the most crazy, but then I got to thinking I don't want anyone around for a few hours. We were bombarded with people when we lost Clyde and DH and I never had any alone time with him before they took him away to the cold room. I regret not telling people to leave us alone, but that day was really hard for everyone involved.
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  #10  
December 27th, 2013, 12:28 PM
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wow! What a pushy brat! Glad you're standing up for yourself! And be firm with the nurses. I talked to a nurse about getting FIL out of there because he wouldn't leave us alone for 3 days and she didn't do a thing. I wish I had been more forceful and definitely will be this time!
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  #11  
December 27th, 2013, 01:34 PM
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Your MIL is amazingly rude. I'm amazed you even pick up the phone when she calls! Yikes! I do recall you saying that she would show up at your place if you don't answer the phone though. Oh and I bet the crying if your DH yells is all for show. She sounds like a bratty kid, crying because she didn't get her way. Wow! I would keep her far away from Toren that hot mess!

Your belly looks the same to me in both photos. With Kody, I got a lot bigger in the earlier months than I did with Ethan, but at the end, I looked the same. Kody was only 1/2 lb bigger than Ethan, and Kody was 5 days past due! 7lbs on the nose. Ethan was 6 1/2 and he was born at 40 weeks. How much did Clyde weigh?
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  #12  
December 27th, 2013, 01:44 PM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
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Those are the cutest little outfits I've ever seen!! Your MIL sounds a wee bit crazy! lol... I'm glad you stand your ground with her. She sounds very pushy. And you do look very similar to when you were pregnant with Clyde at 38 weeks! You look very beautiful! I can't wait to hear how your appt on the 30th goes! AHHH Toren will be here in less than a week! So excited!
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  #13  
December 27th, 2013, 02:22 PM
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Ame you look amazing! Gorgeous.

I'm glad you are finding a voice with your MIL. I have some pretty intense inlaws as well and standing up is so, so hard. I totally agree with no visitors for all the reasons you listed! And under no circumstances does she need a key. Any time she needs to go in your house, you will be there to open the door for her!

Good grief.

I hope this is not adding too much stress to your last days! I'm so excited to see pics of little Toren (Which is a great name and your MILs reaction is the reason we are not discussing names with people any more! Ack!)

Thanks for the update, Ame!
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  #14  
December 27th, 2013, 05:08 PM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You look Beautiful! I agree you look pretty much the same size in both pics. Also, I LOVE the outfits! So cute.

I cannot believe you MIL!!! Oh my goodness, why do people act like that?! I'm glad you're standing up to her. I would have lost my temper with her by now and yelled if I was you. Kudos for trying to be polite to her. I'm not sure I could manage that. I hope she learns to respect your wished with Toren. She sounds completely crazy.
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  #15  
December 28th, 2013, 01:25 AM
anhoyle's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Definitely sick up for yourself! Dh and I were strict on not telling anyone but my mil that I was in labor ( my mil is my best friend my mom is the one you have to worry about). We didn't announce to anyone until we had a little alone time and I didn't get visitors until 3-4 hours later. I didn't want anyone being all up in my business. My dh and mil were the only ones in the delivery room and my mil took awesome pictures and she was really quiet. Especially after losing Clyde I don't blame you at all for wanting alone time. Visitors make it a pain when you're trying to learn how to get baby to latch properly and it wears you out. Maybe wait to tell people he's here until you're ready to have visitors. If you don't feel comfortable letting others hold him you have a right to say so. Definitely don't give her a house key. She will be over at all hours whenever she feels like it and that would be a mess for you! I do think you're dh needs to help set her straight so she doesn't think that she will push her way in. Those first few days you're getting acclimated to a new schedule and you need the bonding time as a new family. You were a lot nicer than me because I would have ripped her a new one. I speak my piece of mind especially when it's someone telling me what to do. My fil and my fil's mom (dh's parents are divorced) are just like your mil. They are insane. They tried to tell me that my fil was going to stay with us for a week after Noah was born. I can't stand the man let alone let him live with us for a week where I have to entertain him and cook and clean because he doesn't know how to do any of those things. I had to fight with them and stand my ground. They try to manipulate you to do what they want. I used to let it go but not anymore. Once they realized I wasn't kidding and they weren't going to get their way they started to back off. Definitely let the nurses know you don't want visitors until you're ready and you can always have someone removed from the room. I can't wait to see him!
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  #16  
December 28th, 2013, 05:18 AM
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Hugs Ame. Those outfits are sooooooooooo CUTE! I love them. And you (IMO) look just a tad bigger this time around, but it's so hard to tell, it's really close.

Ok MIL...this is why I'm so glad DH doesn't even like his own mom and they haven't spoken in over a year now. She is like a little kid in that she gets mad and threatens things when she doesn't get her way or when she feels she's been wronged. Sadly (kind of?) she has shown no interest in her grandkids past her first (DS), well I shouldn't say no interest, but not as much for sure. We got to the point that nobody in the house would pick up the phone when she called, you really had to get ready to talk to her because it would usually end up going weird or bad or both.
I agree you had way more patience with her than I would have, I would have either gotten off the phone earlier, not answered, or gave the phone to DH.
As for the delivery, I would personally not even tell her until hours, or a day, after Toren is born. If you know someone will not respect your privacy and family bonding time, well, they can suck it
And as for the key, yeah no. If your MIL is like mine not only would she show up unannounced, but she'd come in when we weren't home and make herself at home. She'd check our calendar to see what was coming up, get phone numbers she has no right getting, etc. (Yes, my MIL did both and that was with us home).
Lots of hugs. Bright light at the end of the tunnel - Toren will be here very, very soon. Can't wait to see his cute little face.
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  #17  
December 28th, 2013, 08:01 AM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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Joy, Clyde weighed 6 lbs 11 ounces.
I have a feeling MIL and myself are going to drive each other crazy the next few weeks (probably much longer) but I'm going to stand my ground. I don't mind if she holds Toren, I think it would be cruel not to let her, but I'm not okay with her holding him for ridiculous amounts of time. I'm also not okay with her feeding him a bottle before I'm ready to introduce bottles. She was acting like you HAVE to introduce a bottle at day 1 otherwise he would only want me to feed him. I worked at a daycare most of my life and I know that's bs. It's more important to establish a breastfeeding relationship before introducing bottles. I plan on waiting about 4-6 weeks before giving any bottles, and even then it wont be an everyday thing. She can cry and boo-hoo all she wants. She better tread lightly though because postpartum hormones are a beast!! I'm not sure if she wants to meet the "mean Ame." It's not pretty
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  #18  
December 28th, 2013, 03:33 PM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Good for you Ame! And I'm sure it can convienently be 'nap time' when she comes over some of the time.
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  #19  
December 30th, 2013, 09:02 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You look sooooo beautiful Ame!!! Those clothes are amazing too

I am so glad you are able to stand up to your MIL because that sounds really intense and hard to deal with. . .
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