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My baby shower (loss convo mentioned)


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  • 1 Post By Ame C
  • 1 Post By geogeek
  • 1 Post By MelChicago
  • 1 Post By EverydayJoy
  • 2 Post By MrsHopeful
  • 1 Post By Sunrise
  • 1 Post By Ame C
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  #1  
March 15th, 2014, 03:57 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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It was yesterday. A small little get together, nothing extravagant. I didn't want any big gifts and was happy to see people respected my wishes and gave little things.

There was drama leading up to the shower....
My MIL was supposed to be my ride but never came to pick me up. Didn't answer my calls or messages. I can't say that really surprises me much. I ended up driving Toren and I to the shower without arriving very late.

Toren was pretty miserable I gave him 2 bottles while we were there. He drank them but once they were gone he cried and cried. He was sleepy and of course wanted to nurse like he is used to. I took him into my mom's bedroom and nursed him to sleep. That didn't take long. He passed out after only 2-3 minutes, but he only slept 30 minutes before waking up angry.

The co-sleeping topic came up. I co-sleep but only because Toren wont sleep without nursing or using me as a paci. Everyone thinks that's a bad idea. It's dangerous and I'm spoiling Toren. Then my oldest sister talks about how one of her friends just lost their 3 month old not too long ago because of co-sleeping. Their 3 month old suffocated in the pillows and blankets. There was just too much stuff in the bed with them and the baby was smothered by it. Do they think I (a mother who has already lost a baby and is super paranoid about everything) doesn't think about Toren suffocating or getting rolled on? I DO!!! I have no choice but to co-sleep because that's what my baby wants and I don't have the heart to let him cry it out. I've tried a little, but I always give in. It's just not for us right now. Maybe sometime in the near future, hahah

I don't have any good pictures to share but I will share a few anyways. Toren was crying or being bottle fed in all of them and I look like a whale. Maybe blue wasn't the best wardrobe choice for someone who still has ALL the baby weight to lose There weren't a lot of decorations but the table cloth, plates, and napkins were owls. It was cute. I saved a napkin for his baby book.

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  #2  
March 15th, 2014, 04:09 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
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People can be so stupid!!! I am sorry people were so insensitive. I am glad you got small gifts like you wanted. I can't even with your MIL.
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  #3  
March 15th, 2014, 06:48 PM
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You're so gorgeous, Ame. And I love that little man suit! I'm glad you had a good time, even with your MIL's lameness and the pushy conversation.
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  #4  
March 15th, 2014, 08:32 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow that was really rude of them to mention the death of the friend's baby. Basically that's saying, you don't know how to be a mom, so let me educate you. Well, you are already a mom of two, you don't need that kind of advice. I'm sorry Toren had a hard time. But happy you got some nice little things. Hugs!
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  #5  
March 15th, 2014, 08:59 PM
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So ridiculous. I swear it seems like everyday I'm wondering how some people never learned the VERY simple rule, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!" It is THAT simple. REALLY people!!! We're all entitled to our own (sometimes intelligent lacking) opinions, but that doesn't mean everyone needs to hear them!
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  #6  
March 15th, 2014, 09:33 PM
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Oh ame. I don't even talk about cosleep bc everyone has an opinion. You do what's best for you and toren. You have to sleep. If that's the only way it happens, do what you must! And, you look amazing. PS: my mom got me the same suit!
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  #7  
March 15th, 2014, 10:49 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunrise View Post
Oh ame. I don't even talk about cosleep bc everyone has an opinion. You do what's best for you and toren. You have to sleep. If that's the only way it happens, do what you must! And, you look amazing. PS: my mom got me the same suit!
Aww suit twins! It's pretty darn cute
They were asking me questions about everything and had some un-kind things to say about how often I nurse and how long I plan on nursing. People sure do like to give their unsolicited advice on everything.
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  #8  
March 15th, 2014, 11:32 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sheesh. Your boobs, your business. Heck, your baby, your business! Some people stick their noses in where it doesn't belong. You just keep doing what works best for you and baby Toren. He obviously wants you for some reason, and never listen to anyone who talks about "spoiling" the baby. EVER! Just throw that right out. From what I've read, babies when newborn, don't perceive themselves as separate from Mom. They are one with Mom still and consider Mom to be a part of them. So it's natural he would want to be close to you. Some babies are more independent and don't mind sleeping on their own, but I bet if every mom gave their baby the option, most would choose to cosleep if they could. Many cultures, they cosleep exclusively (or did in the past), and from what I've read, without any difference in SIDS rates. The Victorian era heralded bottle feeding, cribs, and scheduling babies to prevent them from being a bother. Some of that mentality definitely sticks around, so just chuck it and do what works best!

BTW, please please don't feel like a whale, I know it's so tempting to do when you see the magazines where they all talk about tips for losing baby fat, showing skinny minnies in an attempt to push some diet regime or low fat food. But you are uniquely you, and your body doesn't pay attention to magazines. Right now your hormones are still all over the place from giving birth. Give your body time to find it's groove, and then you will find it much easier to lose weight. Right now it's just focusing on making lots of good food for Toren. Soon, though, it will start to think about other things. Like I've heard it said, it took 9 months to put it on, so give it time to come off. Hang in there!
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  #9  
March 16th, 2014, 06:06 AM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hugs Ame. I'm sorry your shower wasn't as wonderful as it should have been. I won't even get started on the MIL. And I'm sorry that some had opinions they should have kept to themselves (or stories). And the cake looks yummy.
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  #10  
March 16th, 2014, 08:17 AM
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I too co-sleep with my daughter from time to time (I do get some nights where she will go right back to bed) it was SO bad when she was little and still nursing. I tried my best to stay up until she dozed off but bfing always put me to sleep. I can't even tell you how many times I have woke up in fear checking on her if she is still breathing. Even times when I would catch myself starting to roll over on her and checking. As nice as co-sleeping is- it is still risky and scary. If you are concerned, you can pump at night and see if your S/O would take a couple of night-feedings. Or maybe you can use a rocker to help? It's so hard fighting sleep when a little one wakes up for their nightly feed. I would also suggest getting rid of access pillows - or heavy comforters - even sheets if you can manage. I always had one arm around DD's head to try to keep pillows from falling over and one hand over her tummy to keep her on her back. Usually I would sleep very still and the pain of my arm being asleep would wake me up. You can try co-sleeper attachments for the side of the bed or a moses-basket to sit in the bed itself. These may offer a slightly safer option for you? Also be sure you aren't on pain-killers,drinking or something that would sedate you and make you less-aware of your infant. Hope everything continues to go well for you - co-sleeping is scary and has it's risks but I think it can be done right.
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  #11  
March 16th, 2014, 09:17 AM
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Oh Ame, I'm sorry you have such insensitive people surrounding you. Can't they just be HAPPY for you and Toren? Sheesh! I've gone through it too. My MIL talks about her loss to pregnant ladies all the time. Nothing like building paranoia. It really doesn't matter what anyone thinks about how you raise your children. It's your decision. And to reprimand you like you are a little kid is plain ol' rude!BTW, I think you look beautiful. You GLOW. If you are concerned about weight, don't be, because it'll come off in good time. Just enjoy your beautiful baby boy!
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  #12  
March 16th, 2014, 06:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ame C View Post
Aww suit twins! It's pretty darn cute
They were asking me questions about everything and had some un-kind things to say about how often I nurse and how long I plan on nursing. People sure do like to give their unsolicited advice on everything.
Yup! I don't tell anyone really how long I plan to nurse. And, I pretty much stay away from everyone bc my boy is always at my breast! It's good & bad. But I'm happy in my isolated state
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  #13  
March 17th, 2014, 06:51 AM
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People are stupid. Do what's best for you and Toren. People just need to learn to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business!
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  #14  
March 17th, 2014, 10:20 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessghetti View Post
...co-sleeping is scary and has it's risks but I think it can be done right.
Co-sleeping is not scary, it's the most natural thing in the world. Not trying to be rude, but this rubbed me the wrong way! I have co-slept with both my children...going on about 2 1/2 years of co-sleeping now with my second one. I never rolled over on either of them, I can recall maybe one time with my youngest when he was very small, starting to roll and waking up realizing he was there. When you co-sleep, you are naturally aware of your child in the bed all night long. I am the type that all my child has to do is roll over in their sleep, and many times I wake up and check on them. This is despite having both kids be the kind that wake 8-10 times a night needing to nurse (and that for over a year with my first), and being extremely sleep deprived.
I do feel that some people are not suited to co-sleeping, but I think like you described above, you can tell if it's not for you. I think some are just naturally attuned to their babies and don't have to worry as much about them as others.

Besides, Amy just got an earful about co-sleeping at her shower, so I'm sure she knows the risks.
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  #15  
March 17th, 2014, 01:18 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
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Joy, I know what you mean about being attuned to baby when co-sleeping. I can't fall into a deep sleep when Toren is in bed with me because my mommy senses are going off the whole time. It seems like every yawn and wiggle has my eyes jolting open to see what's going on. I'm aware of all the risks and take precautions accordingly. I will admit It's much easier having Toren in bed with me nursing, but it takes away my chances of getting a good nights sleep because although my body is resting, my mind is still awake watching baby boy sleeping.

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  #16  
March 17th, 2014, 01:33 PM
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I didn't read through all of the responses so ignore if this has already been said Do not feel bad about not letting him CIO. I have always read and heard that they don't learn from that until they are at least 6 months old anyways. And I am with you, that is so hard to do either way. There might be a day or night when you feel like you need to let him cry for a few minutes just for your sanity, but that wouldn't make you a bad mother either - people would say something either way, they just have to get a piece of advice in no matter if they are right, wrong or indifferent!
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  #17  
March 17th, 2014, 01:54 PM
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First off you look great as always.Everybody has an opinion on co-sleeping and I have found that everybody is always right..lol. As a new mom you do what you have to do to get through the nights. With Jacob I co-slept because like Toren he wouldn't sleep any other way. makes me angry when other's think they know better than the mommy. I'm not a fan of co-sleeping but you do what you have to do.
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  #18  
March 17th, 2014, 03:23 PM
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I am sorry Toren had a hard time at the shower and that people were rude I am glad they respected your wishes though that is something! You and Toren both look great
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  #19  
March 17th, 2014, 04:16 PM
MoonAngel702's Avatar ~Staying Positive~
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I'm sorry there was some drama at your shower I can't believe your MIL would forget to pick you up. That is SO rude! And the co-sleeping thing..it really is nobody's business. One of my sisters has co-slept with all 4 of her babies. Our other sister never did co-sleep so I'm constantly getting "don't co-sleep" from that sister and "co-sleep! it's the best!" from the other sister. So I know everybody has their own thoughts on that and I don't think people should be judging you for it. I'm sorry Amy! I wish the shower could have been more enjoyable but hopefully you were able to have some enjoyable moments! I do love the pics and your cake was cute! Those strawberries look so good!
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