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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  • 1 Post By lelila
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  #1  
May 2nd, 2014, 06:00 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I feel so lucky that so many of us have our Rainbows here with us and so many are on their way to having their Rainbow shortly. What a blessing!

Now that my miracle is here, however, new fear has crept into my life and I can't shake it. Warning **Trigs**






I'm terrified of SIDS.
I wake up multiple times during the night and check to make sure DS2 is breathing. I check him in his car seat, in his pack n play during the day, at night, etc. I feel like I over do it, really, but I'm wondering if anyone else is scared and what they are doing about it. DH thinks I'm nuts, but sometimes I even wake him up because I can't tell he's breathing, he's so quiet and still. I guess I feel so helpless since there isn't any reason for it and no guarantee that even with doing all the right things, it can still happen.


Am I nuts?
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

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  #2  
May 2nd, 2014, 06:44 AM
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If it consuming you, I would talk to a doctor about it. Sometimes it can be more than you can handle, our fears, I mean. I think checking every so often is totally normal, if you are consumed by it and can't function normally because you are checking on him all of the time, that might be causing too much anxiety for you, which, in the long run, can cause other issues. But, if you are functioning normally and you are just checking on him every so often, I don't think you are nuts. I still check on my 5 year old before I go to bed and when I get up in the morning. For my 1 year old, I check on her before I go to bed as well, she is usually up before me though.
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  #3  
May 2nd, 2014, 06:55 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm wondering just what normal is. He spits up alot and during the night makes a gagging sound when he regurgitates. I wake up instantly and sit him up. He falls asleep immediately and I lie back down, but check him once or twice before I go back to sleep. If he makes a sound again, I wake back up and check him. I'm thinking that is excessive.

So far, I've avoided Dr. Google regarding the subject. I know I'll be a basket case if I start reading up on it.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #4  
May 2nd, 2014, 07:22 AM
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If you feel you are being excessive about it, I would talk to your doc about it.

However, I think if my baby were making noises/spitting up a lot at night, I might be the same way. Have you tried propping him up with something under his crib, like a wedge? That might help with that. And on the same page, if you are waking up so much you aren't sleeping well, that can affect you in other ways, so you might want to talk to your doc either way. They might say, hey, that is totally normal, or they might say, lets talk a bit more and see what is going on and how we can help.

Here is a story about my cousin's wife: she was so worried that something was going to happen to her kids that she never left the house, someone finally got her to talk to someone and I think between counseling and meds, she was able to curb her anxiety and enjoy life with her children.
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  #5  
May 2nd, 2014, 09:09 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I check on Christian alot and I'm tuned to wake up when he makes a strange noise. I think I check on Christian more than I did my other two. SIDS scares the crap out of me. My husband lost a brother to SIDS so I think it scares me more because of that. I don't think you are nuts but like Cary said if it is consuming you, you might want to talk to someone about it.

I do think it is normal especially since we have lost pregnancies to be a bit more concerned about our baby's. I know I probably check on my little one more than other moms and my husband doesn't seem to have the same fear that I do, although I do see him checking on Christian alot.
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  #6  
May 2nd, 2014, 09:20 AM
Boos Moo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah I'm pretty sure PAL makes us check on them more. I know when Truely makes a noise during the night I and/or DH wake up to check her (especially after the hospital visit). And if I can't tell if she's breathing I move her little hand and she moves or grunts and then I know she's ok. I agree about the wedge. If he's spitting up or reflux during sleep the wedge should help. I still have to have Truely sleep in the co-sleeper because otherwise I feel she's to far away at night. But I'm able to get other stuff done as well so it's not consuming me. Hugs.
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  #7  
May 2nd, 2014, 09:32 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok, I'm able to get lots done. So maybe it's not as much an issue as I thought. I do take care of myself (shower, restroom, etc) and get all my chores done, including taking care of the livestock outside and the laundry in the basement. But I do check on him when I return.

I did get one of those papoose carrier things for when he's fussy and I can get dishes done and have him close. I've used it once or twice so far.


I didn't know if it was out of the ordinary to wake up when he makes a noise at night and check on him every time I return to the room during the day.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

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  #8  
May 2nd, 2014, 10:51 AM
Schofield06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I check on Michael every time I go through the room when he's napping. I also wake up and check on him when he makes noises at night. I've gotten to where I can wait and listen for his breathing to even out since he's right beside the bed. I still end up getting up pretty regularly though when I can't hear him breathing because he is so quiet. I feel like it's pretty normal. SIDS scares the crap out of me as well. My brother passed away of SIDS at 3 days old.
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  #9  
May 2nd, 2014, 04:52 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sounds totally normal to me, Leia. I mean as far as PAL.
I was scared of SIDS even before having a loss, but I was more concerned about it with Kody than I was with Ethan. I think it's especially there when they're so small and they can't roll over by themselves in bed, because they are less able to reposition themselves. I think when they get a little bigger and can roll over, turn their heads, sit up, crawl, etc, that you feel a little more secure, and especially when they get closer to the 1-year mark where the risk of SIDS lessens. To me it sounds like you're just doing the normal mom stuff, checking often, checking if you hear a funny noise at night, etc. I recall with Ethan, I had a nurse check for me if he was still breathing because I couldn't tell. She explained (I was a FTM) that babies breathe from their bellies instead of their ribs, so if you feel their belly it's easier to tell. They can be so quiet, though, so it's hard to know sometimes if they're really breathing.

Also you can use a Rock & Play for him for sleeping if he spits up in his sleep, I think it might help you feel better too. It's something that can help a lot with keeping stomach contents down where they belong. It has a 45 degree angle to it, so it helps them be more upright. Keep in mind it can cause flat spots on the head if you use it for all-night sleeping, but they make Boppy pillows for babies' heads to help prevent that. (Boppy® Head Support | Boppy® | Boppy®) Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out! The Rock & Play was a big one for the moms on the reflux group I was a part of. Many of them say it was a lifesaver.

Also, if you don't mind the expense, they have Angel Care monitors that sound an alarm if baby stops breathing. It checks for the minute movements that baby makes when he's breathing, and if that stops, an alarm goes off. I would have liked to have bought it, but didn't want the expense, so I didn't. It only works with flat beds like a crib, but they do have one you can clip onto the baby if you end up buying a Rock & Play.
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  #10  
May 2nd, 2014, 07:38 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks again everyone. Joy, I had the angel care monitor for DS1 and it's been so long I'm missing parts now. I was hesitant about spending that kind of money again, especially since I was out of work for 8 weeks and more than ever now that I'm out of work maybe for good, but I think I will get another one.

I didn't know that about breathing from the belly. I usually just tug his hand to get him to move. I'll try that.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #11  
May 2nd, 2014, 08:21 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Leia, maybe you could see if any of the parts you need are available on Ebay or something? Maybe someone has one that doesn't work that you could part out for what you need?
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  #12  
May 3rd, 2014, 09:56 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That's a great idea. Really all I need is the monitor base, the main unit that the pad plugs into and that sends the signal to the speakers. My only concern is making sure it's the same model. I haven't a clue how to match it up.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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  #13  
May 3rd, 2014, 02:17 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hmm. Well I hope you figure something out!
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  #14  
May 3rd, 2014, 08:41 PM
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I think you're totally normal I check on LO before I close my eyes. If he hasn't woken up at night for some reason, I wake up and just check on him again. I feel that it's "less" than before, but I'm SURE it's more than non-PALers do. SIDS is a scary thing!!
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  #15  
May 5th, 2014, 12:41 PM
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I also had the Angel Monitor, but ours got to be too old and I had to throw it out after DD2. That thing was great until she moved off of it a bit and it started alarming, I have never moved so fast in my life

I forget what the other one is called that Joy is talking about, Snuza, I think. Yes, I just found it on Amazon. A lot of the ladies in my PR used that.
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