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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
September 25th, 2006, 10:03 AM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have been feeling very positive about this pregnancy for a while now. The baby measures fine, has a good heartbeat, moves a lot, and I measure right on track too, have low blood pressure and passed my diabetes test. I really have no reason to be concerned.

This past Saturday, I made a list of all the things we still need for the baby (monitor, bouncer, sling etc.), bought everything and brought it home. When I saw all this stuff there in the middle of our living room, I started to feel panicky and really anxious about the baby and how he is doing. I put the stuff unopened into the storage closet but for the rest of the weekend I just couldn't shake the anxiety.

I just want the baby to be here already - safe and sound.
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  #2  
September 25th, 2006, 10:09 AM
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just a few more weeks and you will be there. I am sure you just got overwhelmed with all the stuff. Everything seems to be going well and you will have a wonderful baby boy in just a few weeks. Hang in there try to relax. ( I wish I was where you are at )
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  #3  
September 25th, 2006, 10:48 AM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
just a few more weeks and you will be there. I am sure you just got overwhelmed with all the stuff. Everything seems to be going well and you will have a wonderful baby boy in just a few weeks. Hang in there try to relax. ( I wish I was where you are at )[/b]
Thanks. I know that's probably true but I can't help thinking about the possibility of something going wrong. It's just scary!

BTW, I found that between 20 and 30 weeks, time just flew by and I hope it will for you too! Good luck at your Big U/S tomorrow!
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  #4  
September 25th, 2006, 11:33 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Maybe you're just nervous that it's almost time to bring that little one home and all the stress/anxiety related to that? I
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  #5  
September 25th, 2006, 11:58 AM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Maybe you're just nervous that it's almost time to bring that little one home and all the stress/anxiety related to that? I[/b]
I think that would be more normal but actually I am not really worried about giving birth or bringing the baby home (at least not yet although I am sure I will get tehre eventually). I am just terrified that soemhting will go wrong in the remaining 8 weeks.
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  #6  
September 25th, 2006, 01:14 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Sometimes I think the community of women with losses can be detrimental. Suddenly you know too much. You have seen all the different things that can go wrong, so you know you have reason to worry. You now know that life is so very very very fragile.

I know for a fact that I make pregnant women paranoid, for instance.


My dad told me that since my only experience with pregnancy is loss, it's going to be very hard for me. At this point, I can't imagine myself bringing a baby home. I'm so very afraid of getting to 38 weeks again, and still coming home empty-handed. He said that I will always be afraid of that, but I will be more calm when I have the good experiences to counteract the bad (my parents lost their first at 21 weeks so he knows the feeling).


The anxiety for you can just be an expression of that. Do you have any other children? If not, it could be your experience of loss manifesting itself. It's really hard to imagine things that you haven't experienced yet.


And you're allowed to leave everything in the closet until you bring him home if you feel the need.
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  #7  
September 25th, 2006, 02:27 PM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Sometimes I think the community of women with losses can be detrimental. Suddenly you know too much. You have seen all the different things that can go wrong, so you know you have reason to worry. You now know that life is so very very very fragile.

I know for a fact that I make pregnant women paranoid, for instance.


My dad told me that since my only experience with pregnancy is loss, it's going to be very hard for me. At this point, I can't imagine myself bringing a baby home. I'm so very afraid of getting to 38 weeks again, and still coming home empty-handed. He said that I will always be afraid of that, but I will be more calm when I have the good experiences to counteract the bad (my parents lost their first at 21 weeks so he knows the feeling).


The anxiety for you can just be an expression of that. Do you have any other children? If not, it could be your experience of loss manifesting itself. It's really hard to imagine things that you haven't experienced yet.

And you're allowed to leave everything in the closet until you bring him home if you feel the need.[/b]
Thanks for your post. I think you are right. I don't know how many times I was perfectly calm about how my pregnancy was progressing only to read a post by someone further along then me who lost their baby. I won't lie that your story doesn't scare me because it does - a lot. There are times that I think I would be better off just sticking to my DDC and never venturing on any of the loss boards but I need my fears to be understood and a lot of women who are pg, especially if they already had sucessful pregnancies, just don't understand. Also, I find it very helpful to see women who had similar experiences and fears that I had and have deliver healthy babies.

I have no other children so I have nothing to counteract the experince of loss. Although I do expect to bring a healthy baby home this time, sometimes I question that expectation and wonder how I can feel positive when I lost my last baby without really any clue that something was wrong.
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  #8  
September 25th, 2006, 06:26 PM
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I think losses just change us. I wish it weren't so, but it's the reason I can't go into DDCs - I really can't relate with about 80% of the posts.
I agree with Brittanie - leave the stuf in storage until you feel better. It will still be there when your baby needs it!
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  #9  
September 26th, 2006, 05:17 AM
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I completely know how you feel - I was terrified in the beginning and then had a time of peace and calm for some reason but now I've gone back into panic mode. Like you said, before I came to this board (and I love it here so take it wrong) I never knew how many things could go wrong. After my m/c's I figured once I got past that point I'd be okay but now all I do is worry about cord accidents or something going wrong at delivery and whatnot. I tried to talk to my DH about it and he said that the baby is doing great (which he is) and that everything is going to be fine but he doesn't know the stories we've heard.

As hard as it is to admit I don't think my fear will go away now until I'm holding him. I still panic before each dr appt and won't stop worrying now. I also feel wierd having baby things in the house and just have put everything in his closet for now. It's hard and I know exactly where you're coming from!!! We're getting there though and I think its normal to worry about our little ones.
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  #10  
September 26th, 2006, 08:17 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I won't lie that your story doesn't scare me because it does - a lot.[/b]
It scares me too! Part of me can't believe that I'm ttc again. It terrifies me. And, even with all the loss stores in my family, I thought that modern medicine could prevent anything (aside from m/c, really, since a lot of times there's something genetically wrong with the embryo, and that can't really be prevented). I didn't know how prevalent stillbirth still is.


But you know what? I think you're going to be okay.
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  #11  
September 26th, 2006, 04:10 PM
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I think it's completely normal to be nervous, it's hard when you have a history of sadness. But think positive & I am sure your baby boy will be in your arms in no time! ((((BIG HUGS))))
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  #12  
September 28th, 2006, 03:30 PM
margo1973's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for all the responses. Hopefully we will all have healthy babies in our arms soon.
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