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Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
November 7th, 2006, 10:51 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
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I see in a lot of signatures people who have had miscarriages and still say they are expecting #1. I, however, always tell people I'm expecting my second.

Am I weird in doing that?
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  #2  
November 7th, 2006, 01:32 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I thought I was the only one to ever wonder about that, Brittanie. I just don't have anything like that in my siggy because it would feel kind of awkward to say that I am expecting number 4 when I only have 1 at home, and if I would say that I am expecting number 2, then I would be leaving my angels out. When people ask, this is my fourth p/g and I have one DS...I think it is much clearer that way
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  #3  
November 7th, 2006, 01:32 PM
mrs_catty_marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Not at all. You gave birth to your first born so this is your second.
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  #4  
November 7th, 2006, 02:16 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Midwest
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I think everyone handles it in the way that works best for them. Like mrs_catty said, you delivered your first, so it makes sense to say this is your second. I generally answer like Laura/Lizard does, and say that this is my 4th pg and my second child. I do tend to tell people about our losses in hopes that the more people talk about it, the less stigma it will have in general conversation.

As long as you're comfortable with what you say about losing Cora, that's really all that matters.
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  #5  
November 7th, 2006, 03:16 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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Okay. When pregnancy comes up and people ask if this is my first, I generally say "This is my second pregnancy, but my first was stillborn so it'll be my first baby." I think what triggered this was seeing a siggy somewhere that said "TTC our first after a loss," and another that said, "expecting our first with an angel watching over us."


I don't necessarily consider my loss as different than others, but I guess it is. I don't think it hurts any more to lose a baby at 38 weeks, but I did have 30 more weeks of "getting to know" her and it becoming real and all that.


At least I'm not weird. *sigh* That's good to know.
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  #6  
November 7th, 2006, 06:13 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Arizona
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Brittanie, you had a very late still birth. You can say whatever you want.

I'm not sure I ever said anything except referring to a 3rd pg.

I think I do refer to this pg as ttc #3 and I sometimes tell people I have 3 babies if someone really wants to know.

Whatever works for you.
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  #7  
November 7th, 2006, 06:47 PM
srs srs is offline
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I struggle with that too. This is definitely not #1 for me, but unfortunately a few times I have felt forced into telling people that, like on an information form or something, and it breaks my heart every time. Usually I say that this is my 3rd pg after two mcs, but that this is the farthest we've made it. Mostly, it's important for me that people know about my losses, unless I think they're going to say something stupid. I actually havent told too many people, so it doesn't come up much.
You know, I figure that everyone is entitled to their own expressions on their siggy, but the first time i saw "ttc #1 after a loss", I was pretty surprised by it.
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  #8  
November 7th, 2006, 09:29 PM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You bring up something I've struggled with and stumbled over every time people ask. I'm pretty straightforward on here, for the most part, because women who are on these boards seem to be exposed a bit more and understand that not every pregnancy ends with a healthy, happy baby at home. I never know what to say. When a random person asks me if it's my first, I just say yes because I don't want to get into it with a stranger. Even with family, though, I don't elaborate, because they don't know. And to be honest, I have no idea what I will say to Kannon if it ever comes up. I can imagine it being something that he thinks about much later. And do I tell him that he was a twin? (Vanishing Twin Syndrome.)

I don't think that you're weird at all. You have every right to say whatever you want to about your babies. (((((HUGS)))))
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