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sort of angry right now...


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
December 3rd, 2006, 08:03 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
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I hate that I feel this way. In the June DDC, there is another woman who also had her baby in May (of course, he is alive and well...). People are always saying to her "Well, you just had a baby in May so...." such and such is true (she's feeling movement blahblahblah). I have made comments (sometimes I think I've felt movement, but I'm not sure), but I feel like I've just been ignored. BUT I JUST HAD A BABY IN MAY TOO! All that should also be true for me! I just don't get to post pics of her growing up in my siggy!

Argh. I'm just...angry.

I hate that Christmas isn't happy and exciting this year. Every time I look at my tree I can't help but thinking that I should have had to put a baby gate around it.


*sigh* I don't know. I just wish it was easier for people to realize that I did have a baby, you know? I did go through an entire pregnancy that ended just 7 months ago. She was and is very real.

Instead I'm almost being treated like a first-timer, because all the other women who have carried to term have their kids with them. It's like it's easier for them to pretend that my last pregnancy never happened. I know they don't realize it, but that hurts.
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  #2  
December 3rd, 2006, 09:27 AM
ypperin's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry Brittany. Sometimes I think people don't know what to say, so they say nothing. I'm sure they aren't wanting to hurt your feelings, and christmas time is so very difficult especially when we've lost someone close, no matter how young they were. Try to find strength in that there are many who care about you, and who are just as excited and as scared as you are, and know that your little miracle has blessed your life and has a lil brother or sister to watch over from afar.
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  #3  
December 3rd, 2006, 12:16 PM
mommytothree
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I'm sorry It gets worse too, after you have the new baby everyone expects you to be over your lost one and really never talks about it. No one - not even my family remembers Cassie - I take that back - my 4 year old still talks and asks about her - but she's it. I still miss Cassie and think how she would be almost a year old and crawling maybe walking.
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  #4  
December 3rd, 2006, 12:38 PM
Kiwi*Mummie*of*4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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(((( HUGS))))
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  #5  
December 3rd, 2006, 02:26 PM
Daniellea22's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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im so sorry brittanie. DO NOT let anyone try to make you feel like your baby is any less important then theirs. thats total bullcrap and im sorry they are hurting you. i think you should tell them how you feel. you are pregnant with your 2nd child also.
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  #6  
December 3rd, 2006, 03:25 PM
melliemama
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  #7  
December 3rd, 2006, 04:06 PM
:::Dan!elle:::'s Avatar Proud to be a CPST!
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Brittanie, I'm so sorry you feel like that-I had no idea. ((((hugs)))) I'm sorry
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  #8  
December 3rd, 2006, 05:43 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
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oh sweety, I can understand that that would make you feel upset... (((hugs)))
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  #9  
December 3rd, 2006, 07:38 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Brittanie. That would frustrate and hurt me, too.
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  #10  
December 3rd, 2006, 09:14 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Thanks ladies.


Danielle: Now I feel the need to clarify. Nobody has actually said anything specific. It's just an undercurrent. I think I'm being a little bit oversensitive, though. I'm okay. I think I'm just going to lay off the DDC bit until at least after Christmas, though.
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  #11  
December 4th, 2006, 07:29 AM
:::Dan!elle:::'s Avatar Proud to be a CPST!
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Quote:
Thanks ladies.


Danielle: Now I feel the need to clarify. Nobody has actually said anything specific. It's just an undercurrent. I think I'm being a little bit oversensitive, though. I'm okay. I think I'm just going to lay off the DDC bit until at least after Christmas, though.[/b]
Brittanie I completely understand what you mean-and after your post, when I think about it, you are right. And you're not being oversensitive-not at all. (((((hugs)))))
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  #12  
December 4th, 2006, 08:58 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Somebody said something directly to me in one of the posts today. I don't think she's ever had a loss, so she'd have no reason to see this.

And it brought me to tears, just to have someone acknowledge it.


We were talking about breastfeeding and losing baby weight. I made the comment that I never got the chance to, but I lost 19 of my 20 gained lbs in delivery and 11 in the next 6 weeks after. She said that she wouldn't be surprised if the stress of the loss factored in my weight loss at that point. It was just so sweet....



The funny thing...at my post-partum checkup the nurse asked if I had been eating regularly because she was worried about it. I WAS. I was eating more than I had when I was pregnant, but it just sort of fell off.


Anyway...I'm feeling better today. Thanks for that support ladies.
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  #13  
December 5th, 2006, 06:56 PM
srs srs is offline
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Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. I tend to stay out of the DDC in general, just to avoid that type of stuff.
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  #14  
December 9th, 2006, 04:30 AM
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I'm so sorry that your feeling that way. I don't want to make excuses for anyone--but I think that women who have never had any losses are not able to understand what a loss is. A stillbirth or a baby who dies in the first few months are the hardest to think about--because when your pregnant or have a young baby and you hear and talk to people who have experienced these things it makes you fearful that it will happen to you.
When I had my dd, there were three of us at work who were pregnant and we had our babies a couple of weeks apart. When I came back from maternity leave I found out that one of the other girls baby died at 8 weeks old--I remember thinking after speaking with her (she was about to have another baby) that a big part of me was thankful I hadn't heard about it back then when my baby was still a newborn. (our maternity leave here is 12 months). This time around I seem to know so many women who have had losses, and I'm so scared that I won't be coming home with a baby this time--when with my dd I never even entertained the notion that anything could go wrong.
Brittanie--the reason I shared this with you is because I don't think that anyone is being hurtful on purpose, but that they can't bear to think about a stillbirth because there all pregnant. You're already a mom, and don't let anyone let you think otherwise.
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  #15  
December 9th, 2006, 08:54 PM
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  #16  
December 18th, 2006, 07:49 AM
slw1978's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Wisconsin
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I just lurk on this board and haven't posted before because I personally haven't dealt with the issues you are all going through. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are. It must be very difficult for you. As with everyone, I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly. Your signature catches my eye every time I see one of your posts. I think the pictures are beautiful. Good luck with everything.
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