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I need advice ladies.. honest advice, lots of it


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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View Poll Results: A 4th chance?
Yes! 0 0%
No! 7 41.18%
Emma what are you f**king thinking! NO NO NO! 10 58.82%
Voters: 17. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
April 22nd, 2007, 04:58 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
Long story short (because Gaby has just woken up and will need a bottle soon)

Stu just came over to watch Gaby while I was at the doctors. I get home, potter around (read: avoid him) for awhile, doing the housework & the sort.

He says "can we talk"
I say "okay"

he walks over to me & gets down on one knee, produces a ring & says "Emma ______ I want you to be with me, I want you, me & Gaby to be a family"... then states it isn't a marriage proposal, but he wants us to be a family.

I kinda sit there with a mixture of these looks on my face:


.... and kinda just don't say anything (ie sit there looking dumbfounded)

I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want.

A bit of background for those of you who don't know it well
We have been together & broken up three times.
We decided (mutually) in 2005 that we wanted to TTC
Got pregnant Nov 2005 - he broke up with me - I m/c
Got back together
Pregnant January 2006 - he broke up with me
Not together during my pregnancy, but sleeping together all the same
Gaby is born
Get back together (Jan 2007)
Good for a month
He breaks up with me again (late Feb 2007)
Early April 2007 I meet & start a relationship with Jeremy
Last week - Stu tells me he loves me

Ladies what do I do? PLEASE be as honest as you can/want to be. I think I know what I'm going to do, I just need confirmation that it is what other people would do in my situation
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  #2  
April 22nd, 2007, 05:21 PM
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lith, IL
Posts: 31
girl i know its hard but no no no no no no no.

he is only doing it because u got a new guy.

Let him be the best dad but dont get back with him.


hope that helps!!!!!!! follow your heart!!!!!!!

Time will only tell if he is right for you.
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  #3  
April 22nd, 2007, 06:34 PM
Vickey
Guest
Posts: n/a
ok i am being honest so if it sounds harsh sorry in advance...

NO FREAKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He knows about the new guy I take it and just like last week I think, you were gushing about your new man...so don't let him mess with your head!

He can still be in your life and gaby's and be a "family" maybe not a traditional family but as long as he is playing an active roll as her father that is all he needs to be. He is her father and frankly after all the crap he put your through, why take a 4th 5th or even 6th chance of getting hurt again.

It is better in the long run for gaby to have a happy mother and father who are seperate then to have them together in a rocking relationship.

I would say stick with your new man as long as he is making you happy and treats gaby well.

I also agree he is only doing this because he knows about the new guy, but he is going to have to deal with that.

Ok enough ranting, I hope that helps and makes sense.
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  #4  
April 22nd, 2007, 06:35 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I agree, I would say no. After what he has put you through, not supporting Gaby like you want, I'd say no.

DON'T do it just because he's Gaby's biological father! You don't need to be miserable in a relationship and it won't help her in ANY way!


Ask yourself: do you think you would honestly be happy with Stu? Would you trust him?

If not, then it's not worth it.
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  #5  
April 22nd, 2007, 07:25 PM
JennO's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,168
Did you read the bit of history? I am being quite honest and I don't post here much (just read a lot). If you got back together, breaking up (AGAIN) is bound to happen. When? When Gaby is old enough to realize it. When she is old enough to be impacted. No way. Let him be a dad... but leave it at that. My 2 cents.

JennO
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  #6  
April 23rd, 2007, 02:10 AM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
thanks ladies! You've all echoed my thoughts..... I think i decided pretty much straight away that I would be saying no, but i just needed to hear my reasons repeated, to realise that it was infact the right decision...
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  #7  
April 23rd, 2007, 07:33 AM
ypperin's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Vancouver Canada
Posts: 1,342
Emma, please try to remember that a volatile relationship, although hard on you, is even harder on kids. As much as I am sure these ladies understand, he is the father of your child, and there will always be a place in your heart for him, there may not be a place in your house for him without some serious couple councelling. The last thing you want to do is add more stress to your life, to your baby's life, or ruin the relationship you've just started.

If this is something you are considering, please make sure you go through some coucelling, on both your parts, it's not that he is horrible I'm sure, I mean after all this is the man you have chosen to be the father of your child - at the same time, it's not worth screwing with your child's psyche.

Make sure your bean comes first, try to be objective, as difficult as that is, and do what you feel is best - if that is to answer no, than make sure that's a decision you can live with - if that is to answer, not right now/not yet, I'm sure you are well aware of your feelings, your wants, your needs.

As well remember being a single mom isn't as difficult as some would have you believe (as I am sure you already have experience with), however not pleasant all the time either. Is he prepared to be an active part of the household and family, or his he just wanting to be close to what he is viewing as "his" family - or is he jealous? These are all questions you should ask him.

Good luck hun, Hope I haven't rambled too much.
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  #8  
April 23rd, 2007, 07:56 AM
Daniellea22's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 9,076
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i don't know much of your history with him but im gonna go with my gut feeling, and by the other ladies' reactions and say it doesn't seem to be the best thing for you to take him back. Good luck with everything though
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  #9  
April 23rd, 2007, 08:35 AM
jessjillmama's Avatar ***Staying Positive***
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Coushatta, La
Posts: 7,892
I said no as well. I would think if he has broken up with you that many times he really doesn't know what he wants. For get him and get on with your new realtionship.

Wishing you all the best hun!!
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  #10  
April 23rd, 2007, 02:27 PM
AndoriaC's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Western Pennsylvania
Posts: 10,199
Fist of all.. I had to chuckle a bit when I saw your three options - two/thirds of them are "NO!" so obviously you were already thinking that way when you posted the poll.

And ITA with the rest of the responses - he's proven himself to just be the type to do this to you again and again and again. He's probably just wanting to get Jeremy OUT of the picture. Let him be a dad to Gaby - that's what he is. But leave it at that.
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